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Anxiety Revisited

Posted 04-30-2012 at 12:27 AM by soliloquyenlightened

I experience anxiety for reasons I no longer understand, but I've found that I can beat myself into anxiety whenever I am not that loud, emphatic, talkative person I often associate with enthusiasm and passion in my head. I'm very quiet and laid back. And experience has taken me down a course that makes me calmer, more observant, slower to speak, more even tempered and in the moments when i catch myself and remember the idea I have of enthusiasm in my head, I can begin to try and force that reaction...
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Moving Forward Once More

Posted 04-29-2012 at 12:27 PM by soliloquyenlightened

I feel like I am being called to completely forget my 'self'. By this I mean I want to forget all of the physical, circumstances, thoughts, attitudes, ego ambitions, character traits and ideas that make up my 'self' and just be my Self, with a capital 'S'.

I feel like life, God, is calling for me to forget myself in this way, to forget my problems, desires, and perception and to simply flow with the tide and allow Him to take over and I'm ready to admit now that much of this is...
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A Change Gon' Come

Posted 04-22-2012 at 07:44 AM by soliloquyenlightened

I had a presentation yesterday and I thought that I would have a panic attack beforehand. Turns out, I didn't. I didn't have one before, I didn't have one during, and I didn't have one after and I was in the first group to present, was the first person to present, and presented the longest piece of information. I'm so proud of myself! Our professor cut our presentation short (because she figured we ran out of time) and even then I didn't panic. I admit I felt guilty because I thought that I had...
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Moving Beyond Anxiety

Posted 04-20-2012 at 05:36 PM by soliloquyenlightened

I hold myself to incredibly high standards, higher than I hold anyone else; which, in a way, isn't all that bad. But I'm a borderline perfectionist if there ever was such a thing. I can look at my work and say, "It's good enough. I'm satisfied with what I've done." But there are many moments when I look at myself and wonder if I am good enough. I'm always striving for perfection, for congruency in thoughts, words, and deeds and I can be very privately self-deprecating when there is an...
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Perfectionism & Anxiety

Posted 04-17-2012 at 10:47 PM by soliloquyenlightened
Updated 04-17-2012 at 10:57 PM by soliloquyenlightened

It's said that perfectionists are made and not born and I guess once again it's all rooted in past experiences. But there isn't just one experience that started the process for me. I cannot pinpoint a specific instance that changed it all.

I remember a few of the moments when my work was not good enough and I was chastised. But I also remember overcoming those moments, learning what it means to take constructive criticism, taking them and improving on my work. That hasn't changed....
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