"I feel so intensely the delights of shutting oneself up in a little world of one’s own, with pictures and music and everything beautiful.” - Virginia Woolf

That's how I use to feel everyday,lost in deep antiquity,lost in other worlds,daydreaming about some life or another,trying to live without that is so awful and hard,I don't know how it was happened with this but I can't feel lofty atmospheres or all that,I sort of feel not entirely stuck in the real world but unable to...

Well I looked at country houses : Various articles and pictures and decided I was still fixed on it though the effect is strange on me now when I look at them,they use to evoke some strange familiarity,romance,Englishness,long lineages,a million things I cannot pinpoint but are no longer there.Everything is vague.I become anxious to leave the world when I think of my losses then I see some pretty flowers,a beautiful picture,or anything becoming and I want to linger in life.I miss watching father...

Well I'm getting by,I made some prints for my room they look so beautiful,classic images that look so olde world and resting.I just don't know why I didn't do this months ago.I really wish the words "Russian fairy tales" still conjured a million things for me but it doesn't, it's just vague.But I want to keep my little blog a good space full of bright things and hope.I enjoy in the evening turning everything off and getting cosy - it silences a thousand sorrows.Oh I miss books terribly...

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes.
- e.e Cummings

Read my old entries of Febuary and April and felt a bit sad for those times,but I'm still the same really all my penchants are the same.I think a beautiful poem will still move me if not quite as it did.I want to write novels again but I don't think I can.Oh that...

Well still suffering bad side effects from this med,honestly I can never say enough bad things about this med,it has ruined me truly.I would give anything to be off it,but my body is in too fragile a state to even contemplate any further withdrawl.So I'm stuck on it while it ruins me,I hope to be off it in six months maybe.I really have had enough of everything.Yesterday was a bit better I spent the afternoon looking at the new Liberty scarves they are so beautiful and I was able to swoon at them...