Betsy Lawler found herself in quite the quandary while cooking dinner for her family of five on Monday evening. In what appears to be an obvious case of contamination from the factory; a sailor hat, a bulging piece of a man's forearm with an anchor tattoo, and a pipe were found in her can of spinach.

"I was shocked and horrified at first," said Lawler. "There I was just hoping to fix a nice dinner for my family and I gasped in horror when I poured the contents of the...

I've been to two, count 'em, two churches that looking back on it I would consider to be evangelistic. These were, I should add, two separate occasions with one visit to each church - not much in the way of experience... In both cases I was dating girls in high school that attended said churches and I was coaxed into going due to a failure of my personality in my teenage years to say "No" to something, especially if that something wore a skirt and had breasts.

In both cases...

Despite some fine craftsmanship on behalf of the folks at places like the Centers for Disease Control and the World Health Organization in providing what is thought to be a most effective flu vaccine this year, it appears that all their efforts may not be enough.

God announced early Tuesday morning that he would be making some last minute changes to the prevalent influenza virus in circulation to make the vaccine which prevents it practically useless.

While the majority...

In what’s been brewing for several millennia and hundreds of retaliatory verbal sparring matches, individual promoters for David and Goliath have finally announced a rematch. Fight enthusiasts are overjoyed to hear of the news and much commercial promoting is expected to ensue over the course of the next few months. There are even widespread rumors the match will consist of a “Deathcage-style” ring.

Promoters of the defending champion, King David, have erected signs and billboards...

Somewhere in Africa - Forty-seven guerilla fighters were found viciously mutilated, many of them with their skulls crushed in, after a suspected gorilla attack took place some time last week.

Members of the LRA (Lord’s Resistance Army) were found in various states of morbid repose deep in the heart of the African jungle. Some of them had bananas shoved in various orifices while others appeared to have been trampled and beaten to death. The LRA, a group of only about a thousand gorilla...