My Daily Life and Thoughts while in San Diego |
List of Best Posts
This blog is where I express myself to the world or at least to those who might stop by to read what I post 
. Maybe God will use what I post (I am a Christian and this blog will have a most decidedly Christian bent to it) to good effect in the lives of my readers.
I may turn some of my posts into a book. I may cease blogging here altogether. Who knows. But for now..I am content to post away in this, my own little corner of the world.
Rather than reading through my now lengthy list of posts you may wish to read what I consider to be my very best posts or you can just read the posts that deal with a single subject category that might interest you.
Please know that I am open to any input on any topic I write about. If you have something to say about anything you see written here please....feel free to speak up in the form of leaving a comment or sending me a PM (private message).
And if you are in San Diego and wish to meet the one and only Carlos (that's me)...drop me a private message. I always enjoy meeting one of my readers!
Thanks.
Carlos
PS. If you want to follow my blog such that you will get an email when I write new posts you can subscribe to my blog.
. Maybe God will use what I post (I am a Christian and this blog will have a most decidedly Christian bent to it) to good effect in the lives of my readers. I may turn some of my posts into a book. I may cease blogging here altogether. Who knows. But for now..I am content to post away in this, my own little corner of the world.
Rather than reading through my now lengthy list of posts you may wish to read what I consider to be my very best posts or you can just read the posts that deal with a single subject category that might interest you.
Please know that I am open to any input on any topic I write about. If you have something to say about anything you see written here please....feel free to speak up in the form of leaving a comment or sending me a PM (private message).
And if you are in San Diego and wish to meet the one and only Carlos (that's me
)...drop me a private message. I always enjoy meeting one of my readers!Thanks.
Carlos
PS. If you want to follow my blog such that you will get an email when I write new posts you can subscribe to my blog.
God reaches out to me through...a doughnut!
Posted 11-13-2009 at 09:12 PM by carlos123
Today I hardened my heart, again, against God. Why?
Because I had convinced myself that it does no good to do what is right by God, to live for Him and others and not myself. And I had started feeling sorry for myself.
Although my circumstances have improved a great deal the fact is that I am in a sort of prison. I live in a nice house, have a nice bedroom, a wonderful private bathroom. I have food in my belly and a computer and internet access galore. I can think and talk and use my fingers to express myself on this blog and elsewhere on the internet. I have clothes on my back and am reasonably healthy or as healthy as can be expected given that I have to force myself to get up by drinking lots of water to make me go pee every few hours or else I would do nothing but sit in front of my computer all day long (oh...getting really hungry also forces me to get up and get something to eat but as quick as I can get that done I am back on the computer).
In other words I need to get back to taking a walk around the neighborhood every few hours for my health!
And I can even walk to lots of local stores.
But....essentially I am in a very nice prison. A minimum security prison of sorts but a prison nevertheless.
What I mean to say is that I cannot go anywhere very far. I have no car. I cannot go anywhere by bus. I have no money to spare for bus passes. I have very little people contact at this point in my life other than with my landlord and with him...I have told him that I prefer to not be disturbed unless it is something important.
You see I am focusing all my time and energy on getting a couple of internet businesses off the ground and things are going well in that regard. But I sense that I only have a limited window of opportunty to this. That it's either now or who knows when I will again have the opportunity to work in undisturbed fashion like this again. No family to distract me. No responsibilities other than immediate one's like feeding myself once in a while. No nothing. Just the chance to work on my internet businesses.
I will know in another couple of months whether my work will pan out or not and I am hopeful that it will.
But...the real desires of my heart have not been realized.
I want more than anything else in life to see a resurrection if you will of the kind of fellowship that Christians had in the New Testament. Not the religious and superficial B.S. that is so prevalent today. And yes, what passes for fellowship today in North America, compared to what it is supposed to be like among Christians is nothing less than real and absolute B.S!
Sorry if some of you don't agree with that analysis or think I am off the wall but biblically...it's the truth!
Doughnuts after Sunday service and the occasional potluck is not the kind of fellowship that Christ died to enable us to have!
Ironically my life, such as it is, is seemingly headed in the completely opposite direction in that I have almost no people contact at the moment other than over the internet.
While some might rightly point out that I am making choices and that my lack of people contact is somewhat if not entirely my doing the fact is that I can do little more than what I am doing. Focused on creating and becoming successful over the Internet to make a living.
It's either that or I will be stuck in the U.S. working minimum wage burger flipping jobs (assuming I could even get one around here) for the rest of my life.
People sometimes think it's relatively easy for me, a 51 year old man with almost no history of working for others in the last 10 years (I have been self-employed most of that time), to not only get a job but to also get to one if I could find one.
I am not Cinderella! I have no Pumpkin coach to take me to the ball or in my case a job. I wish I did.
So today was one of those days when I got angry and started pouting and otherwise being a bad Christian son before my heavenly Father.
As I was sitting here pouting I began to sense the Holy Spirit moving within me again.
To break into my hardened heart and to draw me back to humility and brokenness before the Lord.
I share this not to say that I am such a great Christian. I am not. I share this to make plain how incredible a true relationship with the living God is!
He is real folks. A real and living being present in His children by His Spirit.
The first crack in the armor of my hardness was opened when my landlord bought me a delicious doughnut. You see I had told him in passing earlier that I had not been able to find the $1.99 day old box of doughnuts that I had been looking for yesterday when I walked to the store.
And so...he up and bought me a doughnut during his rounds today.
That was God reaching out to me with His mercy!
Within me the realization of that began to soften my heart.
It became more and more profound as an influence on my heart. I tried to stuff it away and ignore it but couldn't.
GOD was reaching out to me in that doughnut gift!
Instead of batting me over the head with a 2x4. Instead of making my computer break or causing one of my teeth to crack or otherwise getting my attention through some sort of harsh discipline He reached out to me through kindness!
I started to break before Him and asked Him what He wanted me to do though I was still angry.
He laid on my heart to read....and so I opened biblegateway.com where I read a bible and read the following as my very first sentence in line with my reading plan that I follow when I do any reading at all (currently I am reading through Luke and Luke 18 was next in line).
I am to pray and NOT lose heart!!!
That is what He would have me do in my particular circumstances.
Coincidence? Some might say that but quite honestly to think that such "coincidences" are indeed coincidences when one experiences such "coincidences" all the time takes more faith than believing that there is a real being there called God who wants relationship with me!
THAT is how God operates in our lives to reach us.
I remember another time when a small gift from someone else utterly broke my hardened heart at the time.
A good friend of mine had given me something. I don't even remember what it was. But my heart at the time was as hard as a cement floor. Yet that one little gift given to me at that exact moment caused the love of God to pour into my heart like water from a dam would pour out in an instant if the dam did not hold it back.
A great big and overwhelming torrent of love broke my hardened heart.
One minute I was as hard as a rock and the very next, after the gift had been given, I was bawling like a baby. Right in front of my friend (who was a Christian and understood).
THAT is the living God at work in my life and in the lives of every Christian who is called by His name and is a Christian in spirit and truth.
I just wanted to share that with you my readers to again point to how the living God works to make us as Christians a holy people. Set apart for His purposes to do His will.
Our natural tendency is to be selfish. To feel sorry for ourselves. To get angry. To mope. To get depressed. You name it.
But having a relationship with God gives Christians a leg up that unbelievers do not have. It gives them the ability through the presence of His Spirit within them to overcome these natural tendencies in ways that have nothing to do with their circumstances. It has everything to do with the presence of God within them moving upon them to motivate and otherwise influence them toward His holiness. Toward His love.
Holiness is not so much a matter of just chosing to be holy, though that is certainly a part of it. It is more a matter of allowing God to move within us and responding to the promptings of His Spirit as we behold His glory by faith.
THAT is something worth sharing! God is on my side! He is in me, with me, and sorrounds me with His favor as with a shield. He simply will NOT let go of me. No matter what!
Discipline me He will if He must but like a wonderful Father He does not resort to the whip for any and every infraction preferring to reach me with kindness when He can. Looking past the faulty reasons I am angry and helping me come around to right thinking so that I can once again walk before Him with a trusting and pliable heart and enjoy sweet fellowship with Him once again.
Carlos
Because I had convinced myself that it does no good to do what is right by God, to live for Him and others and not myself. And I had started feeling sorry for myself.
Although my circumstances have improved a great deal the fact is that I am in a sort of prison. I live in a nice house, have a nice bedroom, a wonderful private bathroom. I have food in my belly and a computer and internet access galore. I can think and talk and use my fingers to express myself on this blog and elsewhere on the internet. I have clothes on my back and am reasonably healthy or as healthy as can be expected given that I have to force myself to get up by drinking lots of water to make me go pee every few hours or else I would do nothing but sit in front of my computer all day long (oh...getting really hungry also forces me to get up and get something to eat but as quick as I can get that done I am back on the computer).
In other words I need to get back to taking a walk around the neighborhood every few hours for my health!
And I can even walk to lots of local stores.
But....essentially I am in a very nice prison. A minimum security prison of sorts but a prison nevertheless.
What I mean to say is that I cannot go anywhere very far. I have no car. I cannot go anywhere by bus. I have no money to spare for bus passes. I have very little people contact at this point in my life other than with my landlord and with him...I have told him that I prefer to not be disturbed unless it is something important.
You see I am focusing all my time and energy on getting a couple of internet businesses off the ground and things are going well in that regard. But I sense that I only have a limited window of opportunty to this. That it's either now or who knows when I will again have the opportunity to work in undisturbed fashion like this again. No family to distract me. No responsibilities other than immediate one's like feeding myself once in a while
. No nothing. Just the chance to work on my internet businesses. I will know in another couple of months whether my work will pan out or not and I am hopeful that it will.
But...the real desires of my heart have not been realized.
I want more than anything else in life to see a resurrection if you will of the kind of fellowship that Christians had in the New Testament. Not the religious and superficial B.S. that is so prevalent today. And yes, what passes for fellowship today in North America, compared to what it is supposed to be like among Christians is nothing less than real and absolute B.S!
Sorry if some of you don't agree with that analysis or think I am off the wall but biblically...it's the truth!
Doughnuts after Sunday service and the occasional potluck is not the kind of fellowship that Christ died to enable us to have!
Ironically my life, such as it is, is seemingly headed in the completely opposite direction in that I have almost no people contact at the moment other than over the internet.
While some might rightly point out that I am making choices and that my lack of people contact is somewhat if not entirely my doing the fact is that I can do little more than what I am doing. Focused on creating and becoming successful over the Internet to make a living.
It's either that or I will be stuck in the U.S. working minimum wage burger flipping jobs (assuming I could even get one around here) for the rest of my life.
People sometimes think it's relatively easy for me, a 51 year old man with almost no history of working for others in the last 10 years (I have been self-employed most of that time), to not only get a job but to also get to one if I could find one.
I am not Cinderella! I have no Pumpkin coach to take me to the ball or in my case a job. I wish I did.
So today was one of those days when I got angry and started pouting and otherwise being a bad Christian son before my heavenly Father.
As I was sitting here pouting I began to sense the Holy Spirit moving within me again.
To break into my hardened heart and to draw me back to humility and brokenness before the Lord.
I share this not to say that I am such a great Christian. I am not. I share this to make plain how incredible a true relationship with the living God is!
He is real folks. A real and living being present in His children by His Spirit.
The first crack in the armor of my hardness was opened when my landlord bought me a delicious doughnut. You see I had told him in passing earlier that I had not been able to find the $1.99 day old box of doughnuts that I had been looking for yesterday when I walked to the store.
And so...he up and bought me a doughnut during his rounds today.
That was God reaching out to me with His mercy!
Within me the realization of that began to soften my heart.
It became more and more profound as an influence on my heart. I tried to stuff it away and ignore it but couldn't.
GOD was reaching out to me in that doughnut gift!
Instead of batting me over the head with a 2x4. Instead of making my computer break or causing one of my teeth to crack or otherwise getting my attention through some sort of harsh discipline He reached out to me through kindness!
Quote:
Romans 2:4
Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?
Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience, not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?
He laid on my heart to read....and so I opened biblegateway.com where I read a bible and read the following as my very first sentence in line with my reading plan that I follow when I do any reading at all (currently I am reading through Luke and Luke 18 was next in line).
Quote:
Luke 18
Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart,
Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart,
That is what He would have me do in my particular circumstances.
Coincidence? Some might say that but quite honestly to think that such "coincidences" are indeed coincidences when one experiences such "coincidences" all the time takes more faith than believing that there is a real being there called God who wants relationship with me!
THAT is how God operates in our lives to reach us.
I remember another time when a small gift from someone else utterly broke my hardened heart at the time.
A good friend of mine had given me something. I don't even remember what it was. But my heart at the time was as hard as a cement floor. Yet that one little gift given to me at that exact moment caused the love of God to pour into my heart like water from a dam would pour out in an instant if the dam did not hold it back.
A great big and overwhelming torrent of love broke my hardened heart.
One minute I was as hard as a rock and the very next, after the gift had been given, I was bawling like a baby. Right in front of my friend (who was a Christian and understood).
THAT is the living God at work in my life and in the lives of every Christian who is called by His name and is a Christian in spirit and truth.
I just wanted to share that with you my readers to again point to how the living God works to make us as Christians a holy people. Set apart for His purposes to do His will.
Quote:
Philippians 2:13
...for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.
...for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.
But having a relationship with God gives Christians a leg up that unbelievers do not have. It gives them the ability through the presence of His Spirit within them to overcome these natural tendencies in ways that have nothing to do with their circumstances. It has everything to do with the presence of God within them moving upon them to motivate and otherwise influence them toward His holiness. Toward His love.
Holiness is not so much a matter of just chosing to be holy, though that is certainly a part of it. It is more a matter of allowing God to move within us and responding to the promptings of His Spirit as we behold His glory by faith.
Quote:
2 Corinthians 3:18
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.
But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.
Discipline me He will if He must but like a wonderful Father He does not resort to the whip for any and every infraction preferring to reach me with kindness when He can. Looking past the faulty reasons I am angry and helping me come around to right thinking so that I can once again walk before Him with a trusting and pliable heart and enjoy sweet fellowship with Him once again.
Carlos
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