the economy

This is a real crazy story. I have been very happily married for 20 years this May 09. We have four beautiful children, two girls, 18 and 17, and twin boys that are 13. A nice house on a golf course in the suburbs in South Carolina, we moved here in 2005. We had lived in northern Virginia most of our life, went to high school there, a lot of ties, family, friends, siblings ect, I worked at a used car lot, a family owned business in Manassas Virginia for almost 15 years for a great family, I just about ran there business for years and was doing great, It was a shock to all that we were moving, we followed very close friends of ours that moved here to South Carolina, and it was always my dream to have my own car lot and in July of 2006, I did. Thing’s were going great, we were rolling however, I borrowed money from very close friends, Three different families to the tune of about 1.7 million between the 3 families, like I said thing were rolling than about three months ago it turned off like a light switch, the economic factors caught up to me. I was in way to much debt, owed banks money, dealers money, investors money, totaling about three million. I was floating all the money for months and it was all working until we stopped selling cars. We went from doing 1.1 million per month to about Two hundred thousand, you could see the stress there. I stressed every minute of every hour of the day for months, I never told anyone how much trouble the business was in until it all came crashing down the end of August. By Sept 3rd I saw an attorney, told DMV what was going on and the told me to close the doors and stop the bleeding, Well my wife who like I said, we have had a great marriage for 20 years was crushed. She felt that by me not telling her, it was like lying to her, giving her a false sense of security. I had nothing in the bank, no hidden money; I used it all to keep the business rolling. I was paying interest and floor plan fees, way to much to the investors and bad money management on my part I admit, But I never did anything and I mean anything with any criminal intentions I promise. I always thought, well tomorrow we will sell a couple of cars and I can pay this person or that payoff for a customer that traded in a car. It did not happen. For almost two weeks at that time my wife's life was turned upside down, now I have always taken care of my family, always, for 20 years. I simply messed up, borrowed too much money to keep going and failed, on Sept 12th I was mowing my lawn to stay busy, when one of our best friends who had 185k invested came by the house to see me. I was kind of doing ok waiting to hear from my attorney and DMV what the next steps where, When she unloaded on me, her having every right to I admit but it was brutal. As soon as she left I, knowing that I have 6.2 million in life insurance that was past the suicide clauses wrote a letter and took a lethal dose of pills. The note was to my wife and kids on what to do with the money. Pay off all the business debt so nobody was ruined by me and the other 3.2 million survive on for the rest of their lives. Well, my mom happen to come over and get to me in time so they say, I don't remember anything after I fell asleep, but the ER said that 20 or 30 more minutes, I would have died, A terrible story I know, anyway I was in the hospital for 12 days. The court kept on committing me every 72 hours; finally they sent me to a mental health rehab center. I arrived there in shackles, was not happy about being there and I ended up there a little over a week. It did help, and I realized how much my family and friends love me instead of money and being dead, However I would never take my life for any reason other than for my family which, at the time I thought was the right thing to do. Well the day I leave the mental health place I take three steps out the door and get handed divorce papers. What a kick in the balls that was, no contact, can’t go home, can’t call, ect, I have very much more to tell but don't want to bore you with anything else, I would like to tell people who are in financial ruin to think of the family and friends before they decide to take their life over money. I realized it is only money. God let my live for a reason and I think it’s to tell people. With our economy being in the worst place since the 1930's I know there will be people thinking of doing what I did and please I want to tell them it is not worth it, think of the pain you will leave your loved ones. I lived through my own funeral, do not let this happen to you. They didn't care about the house, money, job, and stocks, ect. Any way it was the perfect family, perfect life, and it all turned off like a light switch. I took my own life to pay every one I owed back. I never meant to hurt any one and never had any criminal intent, never went on vacations, didn't have fancy things, and worked 70 to 80 hours a week, was always the guy that every one loved and now I'm where I'm at. If you would like to hear more of the story please let me know. I truly love my wife, I know I hurt her and left her with no money, she feels I did this to her and I feel I did it for her, so she could pay all my debt, (I now realize that is not the way to go about it but at the time my mind thought it was right) but 20 years of happiness to end in a second is pretty hard for me to handle. I'm still struggling with me taking my life, but getting better.
S.J. Rigoroso