Welcome to City-Data.com forum! Make sure to Explains why you end up with unavailable partners, and gives advice on breaking the pattern.
Do You Shut More Doors Than You Open?
Posted 01-06-2009 at 01:01 PM by Doctor Jeanette
Does Charlie's experince sound familiar to you?
Charlie Couldn't Believe His Luck
Charlie never thought he would ever find a girlfriend that would stick around and put up with all his problems. He thought the world of her and was scared of losing her.
He Shut Down Or Exploded
He often shut down making his girlfriend work hard to find out what the trouble was? She complained of feeling drained trying to figure out what was going on with him.
Other times his jealousy got triggered if she spoke to another guy and he exploded, calling her names. Her terror was obvious and Charlie was convinced that she would walk out on him.
Charlie Wants to Cool It
Charlie wanted to cool it and enjoy his relationship. He was never happier than when he was getting the attention and affection of his girlfriend.
Suggested Advice Pushed Aside
I suggested tuning into the first signs of discomfort and working out what really bothered him. Was it an old wound coming back to haunt him? I suggested talking to his girlfriend, so they could manage the situation together, removing his fear of her leaving him.
Here are his responses
Shutting Doors
Slaming the first door shut: She won't understand.
Slaming the second door shut: I don't know if it will work.
Slaming the third door shut: She'll think I'm nuts.
Slaming the fourth door shut: It's a sign of weakness.
Slaming the fifth door shut: what if I try it and I still feel the same?
Trading Fear For Certainty
Charlie seems so scared of uncertainty that he would rather imagine his girlfriend leaving him. At least that was predicatable. But by shutting so many doors, he put himself in a tight corner and made the possibility of a beautiful relationship unavailable to himself.
What are your experiences with people like Charlie?
What advice would you give him?
How would you feel if you were his partner?
I'd be interested in hearing your views and experiences.
copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Charlie Couldn't Believe His Luck
Charlie never thought he would ever find a girlfriend that would stick around and put up with all his problems. He thought the world of her and was scared of losing her.
He Shut Down Or Exploded
He often shut down making his girlfriend work hard to find out what the trouble was? She complained of feeling drained trying to figure out what was going on with him.
Other times his jealousy got triggered if she spoke to another guy and he exploded, calling her names. Her terror was obvious and Charlie was convinced that she would walk out on him.
Charlie Wants to Cool It
Charlie wanted to cool it and enjoy his relationship. He was never happier than when he was getting the attention and affection of his girlfriend.
Suggested Advice Pushed Aside
I suggested tuning into the first signs of discomfort and working out what really bothered him. Was it an old wound coming back to haunt him? I suggested talking to his girlfriend, so they could manage the situation together, removing his fear of her leaving him.
Here are his responses
Shutting Doors
Slaming the first door shut: She won't understand.
Slaming the second door shut: I don't know if it will work.
Slaming the third door shut: She'll think I'm nuts.
Slaming the fourth door shut: It's a sign of weakness.
Slaming the fifth door shut: what if I try it and I still feel the same?
Trading Fear For Certainty
Charlie seems so scared of uncertainty that he would rather imagine his girlfriend leaving him. At least that was predicatable. But by shutting so many doors, he put himself in a tight corner and made the possibility of a beautiful relationship unavailable to himself.
What are your experiences with people like Charlie?
What advice would you give him?
How would you feel if you were his partner?
I'd be interested in hearing your views and experiences.
copyright, Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D.
Total Comments 0
