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Rating: 2 votes, 5.00 average.

Queen of England in a small town Police Dept.

Posted 07-20-2013 at 10:37 AM by LilyLady
Updated 05-25-2014 at 07:54 AM by LilyLady (Added additional information)

Early 1980's
When I was living in a small town in south Texas, we had some people who would call in to the police department late at night just to talk to someone. If we weren't busy, we'd take the time to talk to them for a little while. Some we came to know on a personal basis (small towns are like that), some were just voices on the telephone.

So picture this -
Late one night at a small town police department - midnight shift - not a lot going on during the week - one dispatcher on duty (me). I got a phone call from one of our local elderly ladies (let's call her Mary) who had a well-known reputation for being a little off. She was pretty paranoid, (no very paranoid actually), she'd walk around town carrying her shotgun (now remember, this was Texas. Walking around with a gun wasn't unusual).

She lived alone and had no family anywhere that we knew of. Anyway, Mary would call the PD late at night just to talk to whoever was in dispatch. So one night she called and I talked with her for a while. It was quiet and I didn't have anything else going on. I just let her go on and on. At one point she said that she was going to shoot the President because the government was spying on all of us, the police station was wired with cameras to watch everybody, the walls had ears, there were satellites in the sky watching all of us, etc.

(You know what? In retelling this story, Mary might have been on to something all those years ago!)

After about 40 minutes or so on the phone, I really did need to get on with some paperwork. I told Mary I had to get off the phone and get to work. She repeated that she was going to shoot the President because of all the spying. I remember telling her, "Mary, you don't want to do that. Then you'd be in trouble." and saying good-night to her.

About three hours later, I got a telephone call. A male voice on the other end said his name was "Agent Smith" (I don't remember the name he actually gave me) with the Department of Defense and he was calling about a threat to the President. I stopped for a minute, remembered what Mary had said and for some reason, I figured this male caller was one of Mary's paranoid friends. I answered back, "Sure you are - and I'm the Queen of England - I'd love to talk with you but I happen to be kind of busy right now". And I hung up.

So I kept on working my shift. I got off work at 7am and went home. By 8:30am I was sound asleep. I heard my doorbell ringing followed by insistent knocking on my door. I answered the door and it was one of the day shift officers who told me he was sorry to wake me up but the Chief wanted me to get down to his office right away. So I got dressed and went down there. I was grabbing a cup of coffee from the pot in dispatch, when another officer told me "You better get in there. He's waiting for you." So I set down my coffee and headed for the Chief's office. When I got inside, the Chief was at his desk and there were two men in black suits sitting over on the sofa in the office. They stood up to shake my hand. The Chief said, "I want you to meet Agent Jones from the Secret Service and Agent Smith from the Department of Defense". Agent Smith took my hand again and said, "The Queen of England, I presume? Good morning, Your Majesty. I believe you and I spoke earlier this morning."

I could have fallen through the floor.

Believe it or not, I kept my job.

ADDITION: Someone just asked how those agents found out about Mary. Remember how she told me she was going to shoot the President? In her zeal to call someone and complain about all the wiretaps, she called the FBI in Washington DC. She complained about all the wiretaps, she told them about how the local police department had been monitoring her along with the satellites in the sky and then she threatened the President. I think that's what got their attention. She told them her name, where she was from... she didn't really care. She just wanted them to stop monitoring her and leave her alone. FBI passed it along where it was passed along again and again. It worked its way to the Secret Service and the Dept of Defense. And then it rolled back downhill to our little town in south Texas.
Posted in Humor
Views 1563 Comments 4
Total Comments 4


  1. Old Comment
    Interesting story!
    Posted 07-20-2013 at 06:41 PM by Fortoggie Fortoggie is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Very cool story LilyLady. Yes Sir, that was me the Queen, Welcome to (town), Texas!
    Posted 11-12-2013 at 01:30 PM by Silver-Fox Silver-Fox is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Thank you for the laugh. Great story.
    Posted 10-01-2014 at 01:41 PM by BECLAZONE BECLAZONE is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Love that story! glad it wasn't me!
    Posted 09-03-2016 at 03:53 AM by PAhippo PAhippo is online now

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