Results of DMV Male-Female Social experiment v1
Posted 09-02-2013 at 08:43 AM by Nallia1
Happy Labor day! I am reporting back on our social experiment from last Saturday where a group of 8 ladies hit a few clubs/bars/lounges in DC (U street and Dupont circle) in an attempt to understand why some men complain that DC women are "uppity" and difficult to engage.
A little background: 8 women, ages 24 - 39; 3 AA, 2 Caucasians, 2 Latinas, 1 Asian. Each girl was told to adopt a persona and stick with it throughout the night (1 "virgin", 1 hardcore party girl, 1 nerd, 1 NYC socialite, 1 bitter ex-girlfriend, 1 "desperate/biological clock-conscious" lady and 1 girl-next-door).
Disclaimer: I do not claim to be a relationship expert, nor do I claim that these results are necessarily representative of typical interactions btw men and women in DC. Additionally, I tried to minimize ranting/verbosity but I am human and cannot guarantee complete success.
Our findings/observation:
1. Loud catcalling will not get you the favorable response you are hoping for. I noticed that African American and Latino men are repeat offenders in this. Shouting, "dayum look at the phat a$$ on her" when anyone with 20/60 vision or better can already see said "phat" posterior, is not scoring you any points. Such attention may be unwanted in the streets, and at the end of the day, we don't want to treated like animals in a zoo. A private compliment is more appreciated. That said, please be subtle. Saying "nice boobs" may be flattering to some but might be too aggressive on a first night.
2. Why do most guys in DC dress the exact same way? While this is a small issue, we universally agreed that men who have their own individual style are more attractive and more likely to be intriguing to us. Along the same lines, what is the obsession with boat shoes? Surely there are other clothiers out there than J. Crew, Urban Outfitters and Ralph Lauren! A minor quibble but worth mentioning.
3. Women, like men, are to some degree superficial. If we take our time to get dressed for a night out on the town, please do us the courtesy of putting a little bit of effort into your appearance. I cannot tell you how many guys were dressed in clothes better suited for camping or walking the dog and were hoping to be successful PUAs. I know this sounds shallow but if she is dressed to the nines, she will likely avoid association with you out of fear of looking bad.
4. Please remember that I want to get to know you, not who you know. Unnecessary name-dropping, throwing around cash or waxing poetic about grandiose but potentially boring topics is not impressive. So you work with X- Congressman and you have brunch with his family twice a month.... Please don't assume that I consider this a great accomplishment. I want to know you; what makes you tick, what makes you smile, what pisses you off, how you became the man you are today. It doesn't have to be fancy, just genuine and uniquely you.
5. Please learn to read body language. If you lean in for a kiss and I lean out, don't try to kiss me again if I haven't explicitly indicated that I want your kiss. In the same vein, please avoid touching me if I haven't touched you first or at least indicated that I want to be touched (all in the eyes, baby
). I know this sounds sexist but let's just chalk it up to ladies' choice. 
6. Please don't talk about how all you want to do is "score." I had a guy come up to me and say, "I've tasted every color in the rainbow but yours...how do you feel about having an amazing nite?" This was after 2 minutes of meeting him and I didn't even know the first thing about him. If it's a one-night stand you want, there are girls who are obviously available for the picking. Aggressive propositioning has a way of creating anger and irritation which could be taken out on the next guy. Bottom line, be your brother's keeper by understanding that there is a time and place for recruiting women for anonymous sex.
Other things:
-Women like to laugh or at least feel some amusement in your company. I observed a guy who struck out twice (in rapid succession) because of taking himself too seriously. Along with that, please have a diverse repertoire of things to talk about. Quoting scenes from "Napoleon Dynamite" or "Superbad" is well... super bad.
- Please don't equate being allowed to buy a woman a drink with permission to have access to her body. Along with that, if a woman is enjoying her buzzed state, as hard as this may be for you, don't try to ply her with more alcohol to get her drunk. That would make you a predator. Also, do you really want to deal with her vomiting and erratic behavior all night? Remind yourself that you deserve better.
A lot of this is common sense but you would be surprised how many interactions had multiple missteps. This is not a conclusive list but just a snippet of the night.
Enjoy and of course, let me know if you have any questions.
Cheers!
PS: I didn't go into detail about the various anecdotes of each of the participants because I felt it might be too much. The above is largely common themes that each girl experienced.
A little background: 8 women, ages 24 - 39; 3 AA, 2 Caucasians, 2 Latinas, 1 Asian. Each girl was told to adopt a persona and stick with it throughout the night (1 "virgin", 1 hardcore party girl, 1 nerd, 1 NYC socialite, 1 bitter ex-girlfriend, 1 "desperate/biological clock-conscious" lady and 1 girl-next-door).
Disclaimer: I do not claim to be a relationship expert, nor do I claim that these results are necessarily representative of typical interactions btw men and women in DC. Additionally, I tried to minimize ranting/verbosity but I am human and cannot guarantee complete success.
Our findings/observation:
1. Loud catcalling will not get you the favorable response you are hoping for. I noticed that African American and Latino men are repeat offenders in this. Shouting, "dayum look at the phat a$$ on her" when anyone with 20/60 vision or better can already see said "phat" posterior, is not scoring you any points. Such attention may be unwanted in the streets, and at the end of the day, we don't want to treated like animals in a zoo. A private compliment is more appreciated. That said, please be subtle. Saying "nice boobs" may be flattering to some but might be too aggressive on a first night.
2. Why do most guys in DC dress the exact same way? While this is a small issue, we universally agreed that men who have their own individual style are more attractive and more likely to be intriguing to us. Along the same lines, what is the obsession with boat shoes? Surely there are other clothiers out there than J. Crew, Urban Outfitters and Ralph Lauren! A minor quibble but worth mentioning.
3. Women, like men, are to some degree superficial. If we take our time to get dressed for a night out on the town, please do us the courtesy of putting a little bit of effort into your appearance. I cannot tell you how many guys were dressed in clothes better suited for camping or walking the dog and were hoping to be successful PUAs. I know this sounds shallow but if she is dressed to the nines, she will likely avoid association with you out of fear of looking bad.
4. Please remember that I want to get to know you, not who you know. Unnecessary name-dropping, throwing around cash or waxing poetic about grandiose but potentially boring topics is not impressive. So you work with X- Congressman and you have brunch with his family twice a month.... Please don't assume that I consider this a great accomplishment. I want to know you; what makes you tick, what makes you smile, what pisses you off, how you became the man you are today. It doesn't have to be fancy, just genuine and uniquely you.
5. Please learn to read body language. If you lean in for a kiss and I lean out, don't try to kiss me again if I haven't explicitly indicated that I want your kiss. In the same vein, please avoid touching me if I haven't touched you first or at least indicated that I want to be touched (all in the eyes, baby
). I know this sounds sexist but let's just chalk it up to ladies' choice. 6. Please don't talk about how all you want to do is "score." I had a guy come up to me and say, "I've tasted every color in the rainbow but yours...how do you feel about having an amazing nite?" This was after 2 minutes of meeting him and I didn't even know the first thing about him. If it's a one-night stand you want, there are girls who are obviously available for the picking. Aggressive propositioning has a way of creating anger and irritation which could be taken out on the next guy. Bottom line, be your brother's keeper by understanding that there is a time and place for recruiting women for anonymous sex.
Other things:
-Women like to laugh or at least feel some amusement in your company. I observed a guy who struck out twice (in rapid succession) because of taking himself too seriously. Along with that, please have a diverse repertoire of things to talk about. Quoting scenes from "Napoleon Dynamite" or "Superbad" is well... super bad.
- Please don't equate being allowed to buy a woman a drink with permission to have access to her body. Along with that, if a woman is enjoying her buzzed state, as hard as this may be for you, don't try to ply her with more alcohol to get her drunk. That would make you a predator. Also, do you really want to deal with her vomiting and erratic behavior all night? Remind yourself that you deserve better.
A lot of this is common sense but you would be surprised how many interactions had multiple missteps. This is not a conclusive list but just a snippet of the night.
Enjoy and of course, let me know if you have any questions.
Cheers!
PS: I didn't go into detail about the various anecdotes of each of the participants because I felt it might be too much. The above is largely common themes that each girl experienced.
