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The handmade house,the authentic life,death and the otherworld

Posted 12-20-2017 at 01:53 PM by Katiethegreat
Updated 12-21-2017 at 08:13 PM by Katiethegreat

I was imagining myself in the house below all yesterday afternoon,staring at it,I'm still in love with it this morning.Its in the Faroe Islands but I wish it were in the Hebrides or some sacred British isle.I think now I want always a house by the sea,something about the sea in this picture is so solemn and mysterious.I never liked the sea before, but here I feel it's weight and depths.Im imagining having a vegetable garden there,tending to my zucchinis and tomatoes.I imagine myself writing sonnets and cantos(poems) all evening as the sea sways,staring out the window.Working on my novel 'The Daughter of Ivor' with full passion and laying out its secrets.I imagine sewing skirts,camisoles and day dresses in white cotton patiently,and doing wise woman things.Reading Sharon Blackies writing two days ago has awoken in me a deep want of an authentic life at all costs.To keep things handmade,to only buy from etsy,to devote life to music,poetry,writing,art,to live gently on the earth.To live in accordance with the cycles and mysteries.

God knows I might not be in the dire and deathly predicament I'm in if I had remained authentic and true to my deepest principles.When I first started having episodes and visions I knew even before it began that this was either the birth of a healer or a call to see a healer as has been the pattern for hundreds of thousands of years.But I hesitated and ended up taking medication/drugs,which have now destroyed my bowels (nothing is working) and my brain as well as my sleep cycles.Im in a very dim world right now.I was always vehemently against psychiatry and felt the toxicity of what I was taking everyday.Living in accordance with my deepest principles and my intuition would have afforded me a different and better fate.

It is hard to live in respect to our deepest principles and inner voice,it is hard to live an authentic life,we live in a society that honours the false and the hollow,that beckons us to buy and pursue all day long.I may read Sharon blackies book "If women rose rooted" which details her journey out of the corporate world and a false life into the wilds of her Connemara cottage and into an authentic life spent writing with Celtic mythos guiding her wisely.I feel much more me since I read her work,doing away with what doesn't belong and doesn't align with what I know in the depths of my soul.The Christmas carols have been put aside though I believe they are full of old symbols and meaning too,but I am pondering the cycles of the season and the true nature of this time.

I am in such a relationship with death at the moment that it forces me to reside in otherworlds and to face myself and my fate.I don't mind the experience at all - I read etain over and over and her battles and transformations I see myself in the story,I have lived a mythic life.I have made so many journeys to the otherworld in my episodes where I see and feel the most extraordinary things.Ancient Celtic men weeping,spirits everywhere,a barrage of secrets,profound and soaring unearthly music,visions clear and beautiful of mermaids on the floors,or times long past or the future below me. I have already met death halfway and left this world before.Sure death is horrible but I am use to crossing the veil,for others I imagine death is strange and scary whereas I miss that world when I'm not in it.My life too is so difficult now,each day feels like I'm banging my head against a wall trying to think,remember or process.I also live with spirits,try to get decent sleep and have my body work, in that battlefield you can understand how death looks kinder to me than life.I see death differently.

If I could live my life over my gosh I would commit to an authentic life whatever the hardships,isolation or adjustments.I would answer the call and meet my principles never straying from them and letting my soul be a compass that guides me out of what diminishes and destroys me.I would welcome the mysteries that were making themselves known to me as a person of spirit and not suppress it with toxic medications.I would dedicate myself to the poetry and writing that distills me,to painting portraits,to things that edify the soul.To living lovingly on earth,eating natural and well,avoiding a life of consumerism and meaninglessness that so many have built around themselves.I wish so much I could write that I had,I certainly tried too but rather I find myself now in this incredibly rich but tragic life.Today I will read on tokopa's (toko-pa.com) book on belonging - remembering ourselves home and try to heed who I am.

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