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Living in the body,the creative act and the dreamtime

Posted 01-19-2018 at 03:39 PM by Katiethegreat
Updated 01-20-2018 at 09:26 PM by Katiethegreat

Well I went to do some reading but ended up dancing to lykki li's dance,dance,dance.It feels good to live in the body instead of the mind,to remember we are not just our minds and thoughts but bodies that feel passion,emotion and feeling.I feel like the west has such a lockdown on emotion as if it needs to be quelled at all times and everything so mechanical and rational,every answer you read to anything is science based,reason based - no spirit,no emotion allowed.I get so tired of the dominance of the masculine in our society and the erosion of every feminine principle that ever existed.People in the west live too much in the mind and not enough in the body,intuition or emotions.

I wrote how I have all these otherworldly dreams on here and of course someone came to reason it all away,reason is like this all evasive menace in western society seeking to destroy the spiritual whenever it goes.Just have to have some faith in what I'm saying, that the mechanistic reductionist rational view is not the only way of seeing this universe,we seem to think logic is the be all of human understanding,but it's not.I am tired of it,maybe this is why I lost the ability to reason and think.So I would become ambassador for the emotions and the intuition.Often I've wanted to end an intellectual argument with a wild strange exclamation or poem.
"“Lovers and madmen have such seething brains
Such shaping fantasies, that apprehend
More than cool reason ever comprehends.”

Looking at these delicious Scandinavian cinnamon rolls at posiegetscozy.com,how surprised I was that I was twice as much Scandinavian as British in the DNA test I took. I have a mild interest in Scandinavia.I like Scandinavian design and their folk styles.Gosh I miss my creativity,I feel I'll just die if I don't get to write a poem or song or paint,being without my creativity is death,true death already.The creative act seems utterly divine and miraculous now whereas before I took it for granted that creativity was always flowing out of me,thousands of ideas,drawings etc.The reward of loss is finding a things value.

Its listening to all this beautiful music,all I want is to create again like I have all my life,songs,poems anything! But with the brain damage it is near impossible.I was working on five novels when it happened now I can't even remember what they were about let alone conceive a single idea on them,it's always just blocked from my brain.Oh I truly hope death finds me soon.Im battling too much.I really need to go to hospital too with my other illness, it's worrying me at night and I just feel off,our body always tells its troubles.Plus my sleep is still horrific,all of it together is a daily torture,but my spirits are jovial enough.

I try each day to feel something,think something the days always feel like they are never used,because I've felt and thought very little.Im naturally a very happy and high person, well I've been so the last six years, but with these burdens there is no way to reach my natural state of happiness because you cannot feel what things are evoking or think and pass through things you care about.Nothing at the moment sinks in or registers properly.I just become suicidal when I think of it all,the sheer frustration at being unable to think or feel because of damage to the brain.I keep myself up and away by thinking of one day,some great other life in which everything I love is held together again.

I have more hope than the last few weeks,I know now that I will see a traditional healer and that I have been brought to this point maybe so I would.
I feel it's what I should have always done and that they will help.I read one of my shamanism books today reading about the aboriginal 'dreamtime' and the 'songlines' and the aboriginal shamans called 'men of high degree' it truly effects me to read on this country I live in - Australia,to know its ancient stories that are very dislocated and forgotten.The whole sense of belonging to the place changes,the place becomes more sacred and fulfilling,the landscape looks different but I believe even the colonials are weaving their own legends into the land.Id like to live in ancestral lands that would mean the world to me,but I'm spread over so many countries,a little Connemara (Irish) cottage would be ideal.I feel I need the wildness of Ireland and its Celtic and mythic heart,England which I loved all last May seems too prim and civil but not without mystery.Well im off to listen to this song 'I found' for the twentieth time,it's so uplifting and almost holy.
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