My Daily Life and Thoughts while in San Diego |
List of Best Posts
This blog is where I express myself to the world or at least to those who might stop by to read what I post 
. Maybe God will use what I post (I am a Christian and this blog will have a most decidedly Christian bent to it) to good effect in the lives of my readers.
I may turn some of my posts into a book. I may cease blogging here altogether. Who knows. But for now..I am content to post away in this, my own little corner of the world.
Rather than reading through my now lengthy list of posts you may wish to read what I consider to be my very best posts or you can just read the posts that deal with a single subject category that might interest you.
Please know that I am open to any input on any topic I write about. If you have something to say about anything you see written here please....feel free to speak up in the form of leaving a comment or sending me a PM (private message).
And if you are in San Diego and wish to meet the one and only Carlos (that's me)...drop me a private message. I always enjoy meeting one of my readers!
Thanks.
Carlos
PS. If you want to follow my blog such that you will get an email when I write new posts you can subscribe to my blog.
. Maybe God will use what I post (I am a Christian and this blog will have a most decidedly Christian bent to it) to good effect in the lives of my readers. I may turn some of my posts into a book. I may cease blogging here altogether. Who knows. But for now..I am content to post away in this, my own little corner of the world.
Rather than reading through my now lengthy list of posts you may wish to read what I consider to be my very best posts or you can just read the posts that deal with a single subject category that might interest you.
Please know that I am open to any input on any topic I write about. If you have something to say about anything you see written here please....feel free to speak up in the form of leaving a comment or sending me a PM (private message).
And if you are in San Diego and wish to meet the one and only Carlos (that's me
)...drop me a private message. I always enjoy meeting one of my readers!Thanks.
Carlos
PS. If you want to follow my blog such that you will get an email when I write new posts you can subscribe to my blog.
Recent happenings in my life - Chapter II
NOTE: my series of posts labeled "Recent happenings in my life" are designed to be read in sequence like a book. So if you have not read previous chapters...please do so. If you don't you may have trouble following what all this is about.
---------------------------------------------
The following is an entry from a journal that I occasionally write in. I wrote what I did a little over a week ago when it seemed almost certain that I would end up homeless. When there was no hope with respect to my being able to stay where I am.
Please note that since I wrote the words below...I have not only been able to stay where I am but have enough to eat and the possibility of more work tomorrow so the Lord provided for me!! He came through for me again!! I will detail what form that provision took in later posts.
The Lord has been using my circumstances to great effect in my life lately. To change me. To humble me. To teach me to walk by faith one day at a time. More on that later.
For now I just want to set the stage for what I will share in later posts by sharing the journal entry below.
I have changed the name of my landlord (Tom is not his real name) and left out the name of the storage business I thought of going to below. I also cut out a section which I explain in paranthesis. Other than a minor grammatical or word correction or two I left the rest exactly as I wrote it.
---------------------------------------------
Feb 27,2009 10:04 AM
I am struggling trying to keep anxiety down this morning.
My circumstances have gone from bad to worse.
No work. Hardly any money. $200 in rent due the day after tomorrow.
I was just told by the blood bank that I could not use a PMB address as a home address. They apparently have a list of all such addresses in the city of San Diego and don't allow such addresses to be used. Homeless persons are considered high risk and as such they cannot give plasma for money. The fact that I can't use my existing address (which I will have until at least tommorrow) is immaterial. They need the address of the place I actually live at.
Tom...the landlord here does not want me using the address. He's had problems with previous tenants receiving mail after they are gone. (note: I cut out a section here dealing with information that my landlord would not want to be shared with others).
My attempt to work out a deal with Tom to let me stay here for free in exchange for taking the time to sell his stuff on EBay has failed. He is not interested.
Window cleaning has not panned out for me here in terms of being able to make enough money from it.
Wireless security evaluations has not panned out either. I handed out about 100 fliers and did not get one call.
I have not been able to save enough to last until a regular paycheck from a regular job. I cannot apply for and get a regular job given that I must be able to get there by bus and eat until I get my first paycheck. It's possible that I might have been able to get a local job (eliminating the need for bus fare), at a local restaurant or fast food place (eliminating the need to eat) but whatever I could have done I cannot do now. As I cannot pay rent where I am and cannot stay locally any longer.
I will be going to try and pawn my computer a bit later today. Hopefully I can get enough to put my stuff in storage. I found one storage place where I can store stuff for $30 per month. Good ol's trusty ----- again. Same as I had in Florida.
That's assuming I can get my computer to behave itself when I show it to the counter person. I can't fiddle with the screen too much or they will know something is wrong with it such that they may not be willing to give me anything for it.
I will be cancelling my PMB address today (that I am overdue on) since it was only good at this point to try and have an address I could use for blood donations. Since that is no longer possible there is no sense paying $13 of the $20 or so I have left to keep that address. Hopefully they will be understanding and forgive the few days that my mailbox has still been active but overdue.
The worst part of all this is the thought that God may be disgraced through what is happening to me. I mean how can I post on my blog, a blog I started to showcase the ways in which God provides for me, that I must now leave where I am to become homeless. How embarrasing would that be! Not just for me but for the name of God.
I have ignored posting anything to my blog in recent weeks.
I just don't understand how all this could be happening to me. I don't know how I will survive. Yes...I can survive like other homeless people do by doing the kinds of things they do. Panhandle, beg, eat at soup kitchens, get on welfare, bottle pick, and whatever else they do to survive. But are such things honoring to the living reality of God? Who loves me and cares for me and sent His Son to die for me? How can they be?
Doing such things will go counter to any statements that God can and will provide for our most fundamental needs for shelter and food. I'm only paying $200 a month and although I have not been perfect in getting out fliers when I could have and so forth, overall my life and circumstances make it seem that God can't provide even a measly $200 for me to stay here. Much less enough to eat reasonably well so as to maintain health.
My faith in God is still there. It is stable. I am not doubting that God exists at this point in time. I just don't understand how to reconcile the God who I believe is there with my circumstances. They don't make sense.
Even IF I had done nothing and repented of my nothingness today such that I was now willing to do whatever it took, in line with righteousness, to make money...could God provide for me?
Is God only able to provide through our own perfect efforts? Such that if we fall short of doing all that we should have done...it renders God powerless and unable to really help us? I am talking about GOD! The Creator of all the Earth. He who was and is and is to come. The Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end. King over all the affairs of man. Is He not able to provide me with a measly $200 somehow? Even to have me find it on the ground?
Can He not have the few dollars in my wallet not run out as the widow's oil never ran out in the days of Elisha?
He can but He has chosen not to do so for some reason. I can start doubting God's existance or choose to trust Him still. That He knows what He is doing. That He still loves me. That He will yet help me. That He is God and can do with me as He pleases to do with me.
Most of my circumstances are completely beyond my control. I cannot help it that daily work, daily pay places have no work. I cannot help it that the economy has gone down the tubes. That there are few jobs around. That I am 50 years old and not likely to be hired for many jobs where there are an overabundance of younger persons able and eager to fill every advertised position.
I cannot help it as of right now, today, that I have barely any money to eat or get around by bus.
I am in dire straits and helpless to do much of anything about them. In terms of preventing what seems inevitable at this point. That I will end up on the streets. Literally and completely. In a city where not having a car is bad and not being able to pay for a bus pass and get around is much, much worse.
If I can't get around I must stay near the places that might be able to help me. Where I can at least get a little something to eat every day. Those places are downtown. Without money I will be stuck there. Unable to get around at all other than on foot.
I can say goodbye to any chance of getting a regular job at all in those kinds of circumstances. I won't be able to keep myself very clean if at all. Most places downtown are notorious for not providing bathrooms to the public at large. Precisely because so many homeless persons want to use them.
Worse than any of my present circumstances or potentially worse circumstances that may befall me is the contradiction between what I claim, that God is alive and real, and my inability to get past my bad circumstances. Aside from the problem of my just not understanding how these things can be I can't rightly proclaim boldly that God lives if He seems to have gone missing from my life such that I can't get His practical help for salvation from real life problems.
If He cannot save me from a lack of having $200 for rent how can I then turn around and claim that He will forgive me for all my sins and take me to heaven? Which is easier to do? According to Jesus...healing the sick or in my case, providing me with $200 is much easier to do. Yet God is seemingly unable even to do even this very small thing.
Continue with Chapter III:
http://www.city-data.com/blogs/blog4521-recent-happenings-my-life-chapter-iii.html
---------------------------------------------
The following is an entry from a journal that I occasionally write in. I wrote what I did a little over a week ago when it seemed almost certain that I would end up homeless. When there was no hope with respect to my being able to stay where I am.
Please note that since I wrote the words below...I have not only been able to stay where I am but have enough to eat and the possibility of more work tomorrow so the Lord provided for me!! He came through for me again!! I will detail what form that provision took in later posts.
The Lord has been using my circumstances to great effect in my life lately. To change me. To humble me. To teach me to walk by faith one day at a time. More on that later.
For now I just want to set the stage for what I will share in later posts by sharing the journal entry below.
I have changed the name of my landlord (Tom is not his real name) and left out the name of the storage business I thought of going to below. I also cut out a section which I explain in paranthesis. Other than a minor grammatical or word correction or two I left the rest exactly as I wrote it.
---------------------------------------------
Feb 27,2009 10:04 AM
I am struggling trying to keep anxiety down this morning.
My circumstances have gone from bad to worse.
No work. Hardly any money. $200 in rent due the day after tomorrow.
I was just told by the blood bank that I could not use a PMB address as a home address. They apparently have a list of all such addresses in the city of San Diego and don't allow such addresses to be used. Homeless persons are considered high risk and as such they cannot give plasma for money. The fact that I can't use my existing address (which I will have until at least tommorrow) is immaterial. They need the address of the place I actually live at.
Tom...the landlord here does not want me using the address. He's had problems with previous tenants receiving mail after they are gone. (note: I cut out a section here dealing with information that my landlord would not want to be shared with others).
My attempt to work out a deal with Tom to let me stay here for free in exchange for taking the time to sell his stuff on EBay has failed. He is not interested.
Window cleaning has not panned out for me here in terms of being able to make enough money from it.
Wireless security evaluations has not panned out either. I handed out about 100 fliers and did not get one call.
I have not been able to save enough to last until a regular paycheck from a regular job. I cannot apply for and get a regular job given that I must be able to get there by bus and eat until I get my first paycheck. It's possible that I might have been able to get a local job (eliminating the need for bus fare), at a local restaurant or fast food place (eliminating the need to eat) but whatever I could have done I cannot do now. As I cannot pay rent where I am and cannot stay locally any longer.
I will be going to try and pawn my computer a bit later today. Hopefully I can get enough to put my stuff in storage. I found one storage place where I can store stuff for $30 per month. Good ol's trusty ----- again. Same as I had in Florida.
That's assuming I can get my computer to behave itself when I show it to the counter person. I can't fiddle with the screen too much or they will know something is wrong with it such that they may not be willing to give me anything for it.
I will be cancelling my PMB address today (that I am overdue on) since it was only good at this point to try and have an address I could use for blood donations. Since that is no longer possible there is no sense paying $13 of the $20 or so I have left to keep that address. Hopefully they will be understanding and forgive the few days that my mailbox has still been active but overdue.
The worst part of all this is the thought that God may be disgraced through what is happening to me. I mean how can I post on my blog, a blog I started to showcase the ways in which God provides for me, that I must now leave where I am to become homeless. How embarrasing would that be! Not just for me but for the name of God.
I have ignored posting anything to my blog in recent weeks.
I just don't understand how all this could be happening to me. I don't know how I will survive. Yes...I can survive like other homeless people do by doing the kinds of things they do. Panhandle, beg, eat at soup kitchens, get on welfare, bottle pick, and whatever else they do to survive. But are such things honoring to the living reality of God? Who loves me and cares for me and sent His Son to die for me? How can they be?
Doing such things will go counter to any statements that God can and will provide for our most fundamental needs for shelter and food. I'm only paying $200 a month and although I have not been perfect in getting out fliers when I could have and so forth, overall my life and circumstances make it seem that God can't provide even a measly $200 for me to stay here. Much less enough to eat reasonably well so as to maintain health.
My faith in God is still there. It is stable. I am not doubting that God exists at this point in time. I just don't understand how to reconcile the God who I believe is there with my circumstances. They don't make sense.
Even IF I had done nothing and repented of my nothingness today such that I was now willing to do whatever it took, in line with righteousness, to make money...could God provide for me?
Is God only able to provide through our own perfect efforts? Such that if we fall short of doing all that we should have done...it renders God powerless and unable to really help us? I am talking about GOD! The Creator of all the Earth. He who was and is and is to come. The Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end. King over all the affairs of man. Is He not able to provide me with a measly $200 somehow? Even to have me find it on the ground?
Can He not have the few dollars in my wallet not run out as the widow's oil never ran out in the days of Elisha?
He can but He has chosen not to do so for some reason. I can start doubting God's existance or choose to trust Him still. That He knows what He is doing. That He still loves me. That He will yet help me. That He is God and can do with me as He pleases to do with me.
Most of my circumstances are completely beyond my control. I cannot help it that daily work, daily pay places have no work. I cannot help it that the economy has gone down the tubes. That there are few jobs around. That I am 50 years old and not likely to be hired for many jobs where there are an overabundance of younger persons able and eager to fill every advertised position.
I cannot help it as of right now, today, that I have barely any money to eat or get around by bus.
I am in dire straits and helpless to do much of anything about them. In terms of preventing what seems inevitable at this point. That I will end up on the streets. Literally and completely. In a city where not having a car is bad and not being able to pay for a bus pass and get around is much, much worse.
If I can't get around I must stay near the places that might be able to help me. Where I can at least get a little something to eat every day. Those places are downtown. Without money I will be stuck there. Unable to get around at all other than on foot.
I can say goodbye to any chance of getting a regular job at all in those kinds of circumstances. I won't be able to keep myself very clean if at all. Most places downtown are notorious for not providing bathrooms to the public at large. Precisely because so many homeless persons want to use them.
Worse than any of my present circumstances or potentially worse circumstances that may befall me is the contradiction between what I claim, that God is alive and real, and my inability to get past my bad circumstances. Aside from the problem of my just not understanding how these things can be I can't rightly proclaim boldly that God lives if He seems to have gone missing from my life such that I can't get His practical help for salvation from real life problems.
If He cannot save me from a lack of having $200 for rent how can I then turn around and claim that He will forgive me for all my sins and take me to heaven? Which is easier to do? According to Jesus...healing the sick or in my case, providing me with $200 is much easier to do. Yet God is seemingly unable even to do even this very small thing.
Continue with Chapter III:
http://www.city-data.com/blogs/blog4521-recent-happenings-my-life-chapter-iii.html
Total Comments 0
