Not A Gopd Day

I'm feel numb. I'm trying to come to terms with my daughter's impending death. We are conditioned to understand our parents and those of their generatin will die before us. But we are npt conditioned from yeuth that our children may bide befor us, too.

It seems like this started about 1987 when I wnet home to care for dad before he died. I stayed with mom another nine months and took care of her becuase she was a mess. The old man made me promise on his death bed that I would lake care of her. I tried.

Do you know how hard it is to get a volunteer to coooperate? That was mom. I lived 500 miles away and my best freind would call. "your mother is going to die if you don't get up her and take her to the hospital". l knew what that meant. She had a lung infection.

Ten hours later I would walk through the door and I could here her strruggling to breathe. "Puts your pands on, you're going to the hospital. The response was expected.
"No. I'll be alright tomorrow," And the war was on. After all eason failed, I said if she did not cooperate I would pick her up and put her in the car. " You can't do that. You're not big enogh!"
"Yeah? Watch me."
It took 30 minutes to get her into the care and off we went. And I was right. She stayed in the hospital overnight and came home the next day. Then we moved back home in '89 so I could be closer. I should have moved to Mars. and left no forewarding address but I kept my pormise to my father.

She moved to NM in '93 to be near my brother. He couldn't get her to the hosptial either. Now the trip was 1200 miles. It was a mess. He eventually stole her money and left her homeless with no car and not money. The Bible says we should fargive, I can't and I can't forget.. Maybe I don't want to. There's too many years in age between us and too many bridges burned.

In '97 my spouse had a quad bypass that failed and almost died. Betwen Dec and Feb it was one ER after the other and inbetween the mother-in-law died. She was just shy of her 99th birthday. The year after we moved to MO to be near the cardiologist.

Since then it's ben a circus. The first year I buried my dog and best friend. The next is was the family doc and the cat. The pets were with us nearly 20 years. Them came t mother, my aunt, Onetta's husband, my son and two other brother-in laws.

The only thing I gained out of the hreartache and worry was a new cooking skill. I am now qualified to cook Hay and straw without salt, fat or heartburn.

If I didn't laugh and play the court jester I would never stop crying.