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Lemme' Tell Ya'll 'Bout Tha' Sermon
Posted 07-02-2009 at 04:52 AM by GCSTroop
Hey ya'll, me again. I gotta go on tellin' ya'll 'bout Sunday's sermon down at the Antioch Baptist Church I gone to this weekend. Man, oh man, ol' Pastor Jones, he caught himself on fire with tha' Lord this weekend. Yes sir, he did.
First thing he said when he come out n' on that pulpit was "Who's all here to do some worshippin' today!?" Man, I tell ya, his voice somethin' kin to thunder when we all heard that. Then he go on startin' up again even louder sayin' "I said, who all's here do some worshippin' today?!" Man, that got ever'one stirred up. That Pastor Jones, I'm tellin' ya'll... Ya'll ain't seen nuthin' 'till ya' hear him on fire.
Then he gone and started in on sumtin'. I ain't never heard of such crazy talk. He gotten himself all huffied up n' he said "How many ya'll gotch yourselves a Momma or Daddy that's a monkey?" Why, first thing we all did was kinda stare one 'nother n' scratch our heads. Next thing he said kinda shook us up real bad. "Well, that's what they's tryin' ta' teach your kids in the schools! That's right! They's tryin' ta' tell each n' ever'one them kids they's parents is monkeys and that they's monkeys! Callin' it ev'lution. Why, look 'round ladies and gentlemen, any one ya'll look like monkeys? Naw, I don't think so."
This point, we was all in a shock. Why'd someone try and teach some poor kids they's monkeys? Ol' Pastor Jones just got crazy with it all "Ya gotsta tell 'em, you gotsta fight 'em, they's trying to say we ain't comin' from no Adam n' Eve. Ya gotta stand up n' let 'em know who's on fire with the Lord else ever'one gonna think they's all monkeys." Man, Ol' Pastor Jones, he's always knowin' his business.
Ol' Pastor Jones kept goin' "Ya'll," he said "We ain't no monkeys 'round here. We ain't actin' like no fools and showin' oursleves off! We all's humans 'round here jus' like God made us. That's right! Iffin' you hear someone talkin' that crazy talk, you tell 'em come see me n' I'll put the fire the Lord in 'em! Now lemme hear ya'll say 'Amen' real loud. I wanna hear it echo! The Lord! My, oh my, the Lord he's wantin' to hear it real bad. Lemme hear ya' say it, folks!"
Ya'll, lemme tell ya' sumtin'. When ya' hear 'buncha people hollerin' for the Lord it's sumtin' mighty fine. But, when ya hear people hollerin' for the Lord at the Antioch Baptist Church it's like the demons is runnin' scared. Yes sir, I tell ya' that right now.
Then, Ol' Pastor Jones he got all've us on fire for tha' Lord. Lemme tell ya' how he did it. See, first of all he asked anyone wasn't saved to come on up there and get them some savin'. But, I reckon by now ever'one already had their savin' done n' no one came up. But, he gotta ask ya' know? Otha'wise he ain't doin' his job.
Then, what he dun' next was ask who needed some demons outta they's bodies. Man, people shot up n' got all excited, I tell 'ya. Man, I found myself gettin' on up there too. N' he started puttin' his hands on us and man people started goin' crazy! They's talking in voices, they's all hootin' n' hollerin' n' goin' crazy. Ever'one in tha' whole place's jus' goin' nuts. They's screamin' and sayin' stuff in a language no one's heard'a 'fore.
N' the whole time Ol' Pastor Jones, why, he jus' takin' command'a them demons. Just throwin' 'em out. We was all just on F-Y-R-E for tha' Lord, I tell 'ya. "Get out you devil, you!" he'd be goin' on screamin' n' soon's he say it, he'd touch someone and they's go flailin' and rockin' and twitchin' like they's havin' a seizure.
'Time it was all said n' done we was just wore on out. We was all tired n' sweatin' n' stuff. But, ya' know, up a ways past the crick and the hollows, Bubba's got himself some fruit farms. Man, oh man, he gone brought some fruit in for the folks at the Antioch Baptist Church ta' help with the sweatin' n' stuff. Ever'one got they's some fruit n' bananas n' such. Then we all starts talkin' 'bout the sermon 'n how we ain't no monkeys n' such. We started talkin' 'bout the fun it was hootin' and screamin' and hollerin' all in the same bunch all for tha' Lord.
Ya'll should come out n' join us at the Antioch Baptist Church next Sunday. Yes sir, you wait n' see, we ain't no monkeys in there.
First thing he said when he come out n' on that pulpit was "Who's all here to do some worshippin' today!?" Man, I tell ya, his voice somethin' kin to thunder when we all heard that. Then he go on startin' up again even louder sayin' "I said, who all's here do some worshippin' today?!" Man, that got ever'one stirred up. That Pastor Jones, I'm tellin' ya'll... Ya'll ain't seen nuthin' 'till ya' hear him on fire.
Then he gone and started in on sumtin'. I ain't never heard of such crazy talk. He gotten himself all huffied up n' he said "How many ya'll gotch yourselves a Momma or Daddy that's a monkey?" Why, first thing we all did was kinda stare one 'nother n' scratch our heads. Next thing he said kinda shook us up real bad. "Well, that's what they's tryin' ta' teach your kids in the schools! That's right! They's tryin' ta' tell each n' ever'one them kids they's parents is monkeys and that they's monkeys! Callin' it ev'lution. Why, look 'round ladies and gentlemen, any one ya'll look like monkeys? Naw, I don't think so."
This point, we was all in a shock. Why'd someone try and teach some poor kids they's monkeys? Ol' Pastor Jones just got crazy with it all "Ya gotsta tell 'em, you gotsta fight 'em, they's trying to say we ain't comin' from no Adam n' Eve. Ya gotta stand up n' let 'em know who's on fire with the Lord else ever'one gonna think they's all monkeys." Man, Ol' Pastor Jones, he's always knowin' his business.
Ol' Pastor Jones kept goin' "Ya'll," he said "We ain't no monkeys 'round here. We ain't actin' like no fools and showin' oursleves off! We all's humans 'round here jus' like God made us. That's right! Iffin' you hear someone talkin' that crazy talk, you tell 'em come see me n' I'll put the fire the Lord in 'em! Now lemme hear ya'll say 'Amen' real loud. I wanna hear it echo! The Lord! My, oh my, the Lord he's wantin' to hear it real bad. Lemme hear ya' say it, folks!"
Ya'll, lemme tell ya' sumtin'. When ya' hear 'buncha people hollerin' for the Lord it's sumtin' mighty fine. But, when ya hear people hollerin' for the Lord at the Antioch Baptist Church it's like the demons is runnin' scared. Yes sir, I tell ya' that right now.
Then, Ol' Pastor Jones he got all've us on fire for tha' Lord. Lemme tell ya' how he did it. See, first of all he asked anyone wasn't saved to come on up there and get them some savin'. But, I reckon by now ever'one already had their savin' done n' no one came up. But, he gotta ask ya' know? Otha'wise he ain't doin' his job.
Then, what he dun' next was ask who needed some demons outta they's bodies. Man, people shot up n' got all excited, I tell 'ya. Man, I found myself gettin' on up there too. N' he started puttin' his hands on us and man people started goin' crazy! They's talking in voices, they's all hootin' n' hollerin' n' goin' crazy. Ever'one in tha' whole place's jus' goin' nuts. They's screamin' and sayin' stuff in a language no one's heard'a 'fore.
N' the whole time Ol' Pastor Jones, why, he jus' takin' command'a them demons. Just throwin' 'em out. We was all just on F-Y-R-E for tha' Lord, I tell 'ya. "Get out you devil, you!" he'd be goin' on screamin' n' soon's he say it, he'd touch someone and they's go flailin' and rockin' and twitchin' like they's havin' a seizure.
'Time it was all said n' done we was just wore on out. We was all tired n' sweatin' n' stuff. But, ya' know, up a ways past the crick and the hollows, Bubba's got himself some fruit farms. Man, oh man, he gone brought some fruit in for the folks at the Antioch Baptist Church ta' help with the sweatin' n' stuff. Ever'one got they's some fruit n' bananas n' such. Then we all starts talkin' 'bout the sermon 'n how we ain't no monkeys n' such. We started talkin' 'bout the fun it was hootin' and screamin' and hollerin' all in the same bunch all for tha' Lord.
Ya'll should come out n' join us at the Antioch Baptist Church next Sunday. Yes sir, you wait n' see, we ain't no monkeys in there.
Total Comments 8
Comments
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Shame on you. Who do you think you are fooling except maybe yourself. You aren't even smart enough to know that people who talk like that couldn't possibly put it in writing. I am ashamed for you because you are making fun of something you don't even have the maturity to understand. These are real people you are making a joke about, but I would guess that they are a lot happier than you are at this moment.Posted 07-02-2009 at 06:11 AM by yukiko11
Updated 07-02-2009 at 06:24 AM by yukiko11 -
Perhaps it's you who doesn't understand, yukiko. It's called satire. If you want me to spell it out for you allow me to do so. My last three blog entries, this one included, have satirized the factions of the Deep South that refuse to move forward from the late 19th century. There is a certain frame of thought "down here" and in certain parts of the country that we should all be living in the year 1882 again. All I have done is simply inculcate that narrow-minded frame of thought into a more modern society.
This is a "narration," of course I don't expect that a person who talks that poorly could even remotely come close to writing it down.
Perhaps it would make more sense if I put it this way:
Yukiko, this is a "fu-u-shi."Posted 07-02-2009 at 02:40 PM by GCSTroop 
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There is a big difference between satire and just plain meanness. Satire is funny. Maybe you need to remove your personal pain/prejudice from the situation to enable it to be satire.Posted 07-03-2009 at 02:22 AM by yukiko11
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This gonna be some fun next time I'm doin' 'nother post where I go on writin' like this n' such. Man, I tell ya' what, some people just ain't got no fun in 'em at all. Yes sir, all kinds people says you can't say this n' can't say that.
See, what'd I tell ya' the first time I tellin' ya'll 'bout how big the world is? Yes sir, I told ya', all them hippies just goin' round tellin' people what they's can n' can't say. Yes sir, they's get all bent outta shape n' such. They's go on takin' things so personally. Why, hell, some people jus' need a sense a humor.Posted 07-03-2009 at 04:28 AM by GCSTroop
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I guess all those people who have your sense of humor don't care because I don't see any of them posting anything positive about you.
Satire is a very sophisticated bent on reality. You are not there yet. Yes, it an be cruel, but not to the point of causing anger, insult or hurt. The comedian "Larry the Cable Guy" is a very good example of the kind of satire you are pursuing.
By the way, I am an older woman who has a sense of humor that really appreciates satire above all other forms of comedy. I will read your posts and let you know when you hit it and when you miss it. Don't be so protective about your point of view until it hits the right mark. When it does, you will hear from many more people than me.
You don't have to defend yourself against what I say as I am being honest as your audience. You just have to hone your craft until it is the best it can be.Posted 07-03-2009 at 08:01 AM by yukiko11
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"Larry the Cable Guy" is nowhere near the kind of satire I am pursuing. In fact, I can't stand Larry the Cable Guy. I seriously think you do not understand what it is I am pursuing and your misunderstanding is what is causing you to persist in being so incorrigible.
First of all, I live in the "Deep South." It is not uncommon to hear people, mostly the uneducated who talk as I have written, claim that there was a superior time when black men worked as slaves, how stupid they are for killing one another over something such as the color of their gang bandana (without realizing their own obsession with color), and how delightful last week's sermon was.
The fact of the matter is that I have exposure to this kind of lifestyle. It's the kind of racist, ignorant, and socially unacceptable (anywhere else in the country) lifestyle that gives the South a bad name. In fact, the very idea of the accent and the narrative were given to me by a co-worker who just recently got done going on a tirade about how stupid all the damn "negroes" (using a different word) are and how I need to go to his church.
Finally, in so much as this blog post goes, there is a large faction of people out there primarily obsessed with reality-denial doctrine who will stop at nothing to teach whatever they can in a misleading way about evolution. They teach their flock of sheep that evolution claims we should behave like monkeys (look at the Creationist Museum pictures next time you get a chance, if you don't believe me), that we're trying to teach our kids that they are all monkeys. This intentional disinformation has, in my opinion, infected itself across primary regions of the 'Deep South' because most people are just simply too uneducated to think otherwise.
Yet, the very irony of the story is that when they sit around in church on Sundays, they start screaming, hollering, hooting, and scratching their heads about being "saved" and having "demons" cast out. I'm sorry, but I think it's absolutely ridiculous and falls nothing short of collective aping and carrying on only to be treated to foods like fruits after it's all said and done.
The overall irony would hopefully have been set up for those who had read the previous two blog posts. For an individual so wrapped up with race, hating people and thinking with such a "small mind" about how the world works and what's going on with the rest of the human race, the narrator finds nothing contradictory or even remotely strange about going to church on Sunday in order to be a "Good Christian." In fact, this is life to him, that's the way it always has been, always will be (as far as he's concerned), and damn anyone who tries to change or criticize that.
Now, I took the extreme tone of voice and accent with the narrator for two reasons. Not everyone in the Deep South talks like that. I wanted to only paint a small picture of those who are still living in the year 1882 - the way they walk the walk and talk the talk. Thus, I had to go to one extreme so that people would hopefully understand that what I was sectioning out was a rather... unique... group of individuals and not the whole of places like Mississippi, where I live. Second, the accent was so severe, I wanted it to be clearly representative of ignorant and foolish behavior. Because, after all, the ideas presented forth by the narrator were so foolish and ignorant, I had to correlate those ideas with his accent.
My greatest fear when writing this was that for people unfamiliar with a truly undignified southern drawl, or those incapable of reading it with a southern accent in mind would find it to be more along the lines of a very poor black man narrating. In fact, I was scared to death that it would resemble or remind people of Mark Twain's slave character "Runaway Jim" in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. This, I hoped, would have been avoided by some of the alliterations to racism and names like "Bubba" and "Peggy Sue."
There is far more to what I write than meets the eye, yukiko. I encourage anybody who reads what I write to think a little deeper than what is on the surface of how it's written or how they read it. I do not take the time out of my life to write these posts simply to offend, be mean, or simply to satire. Writing gives the power of various analogies and many different interpretations. While I won't say your interpretation is wrong, I hardly find what I wrote to be "mean" at all. Especially since it was mostly intended to satire a still remnant, backwards and racist frame of thought. If it's "mean" of me to criticize such a thing, well I guess I'll just be "mean" then. But, that's kind of like saying it's "mean" to say the KKK are a bunch of backwoods rednecks. Sometimes the truth hurts.Posted 07-03-2009 at 03:34 PM by GCSTroop
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I was born in LA. CA and lived there for the first 40 years of my life. I married a man from Goodletsville, TN.
Believe it or not, I have had the same experience in LA as you have where you come from. The cultural diversity in LA is a melting pot for hatred.
There are ignorant people all over the world, but in my lifetime, the thing I have learned is that they are not ignorant by choice, just by life experience. When my mother in law came to visit us after we married she was very quick to say in the presence of other relatives "We aint rednecks, We're Hillbillies!" That was meant to be an insult to the relative who I guess was a redneck.
My husband took his mother to Olvera St which is a small 100 yr old+ pueblo iin Downtown LA where the city actually started. They were walking down the street looking at the shops and his mother looked at two Sailors dressed in Navy whites and said in a very loud voice what a shame they let blacks (another word) come here.
I was in New Orleans in 1976 and I went across the street from the RV park to the local store. As I approached the checkstand a young black woman was also approaching. She was ahead of me and as a polite person, I said, please go ahead. She looked like a deer in the headlights! The grocery checker insisted that I go first. Being from a place that is ethnically diverse, this was my first taste of how ugly the south is. I pushed my cart away from me and told that checker "NOt IN MY LIFETIME! I apologized to the young woman and walked.
I was traveling with my best friend who is Japanese. We were selling arts and crafts on the fair circuit. In those days she also experienced predujice, of a sexual nature. Men were always asking her if what they said about Japanese woman was true and one guy even decided she deserved the nickname of Poontangcity.
She got through it, but when we got home, she told her husband about it and he went out and got her a personal license plate that said MITREBOX. It became a personal joke only known to them and me and my husband, but when she went through it, it wasn't funny.
Based on how you have explained your feelings, I am kind of surprised that you side with the haters and not with the victims.Posted 07-03-2009 at 09:33 PM by yukiko11
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That's exactly the point, yukiko, but you're missing it. I am not siding with the "haters." I am criticizing, satirizing, and unabashedly making a mockery of their unrepentant and ignorant mindset. It's a mindset that is deserving of criticism, in my opinion.
If you were to carefully read what was written, you will find that it is not a declaration of allegiance but a declaration of antipathy.
I don't know how I can make it any clearer to you. You're the only person who seems to be having trouble with it. I assure you, as a long time member of this forum, that if what I wrote was to side with bigotry and racism, this blog would have long ago been deleted by one of the moderators.
Allow me to put it this way. I am criticizing people like your husband's mother who made the statement about the black sailors. I am criticizing the check cashier at the grocery store, and I am criticizing and satirizing the men who directed their perversions towards your Japanese friend. As an aside, my wife is Japanese so I am well aware of some of the prejudicial misconceptions directed towards people of that culture.
It seems rather apparent to me that you've directed yourself on a course to unashamedly denigrate whatever I have written as part of some sort of external agenda. I'm not sure if you're simply having a difficult time understanding the concept of what it is I've written or if you've just completely mis-read it.
The bottom line is that I take no responsibility for how people interpret what I've written but if you have it set in your mind that what I've written was somehow intended to ally with a prejudicial mindset than you're just severely mistaken. I can't make it any clearer, yukiko...
Whatever it seems has smitten you about my blog entries seems to be the result of a less than intuitive reading comprehension ability. For that, I cannot help you but I'm trying to be as nice as possible without sounding snide or vicious.Posted 07-03-2009 at 10:10 PM by GCSTroop
