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Doggie's Inferno
Posted 07-05-2009 at 02:11 AM by GCSTroop
Day 1 In Doggy Hell:
I died today. After many long years of being the loyal servant to my master, I died. Chasing after my favorite ball, I ran into the street not aware of what was happening only to be run over by the ice cream man's truck. I have arrived, it seems, in Doggy Hell as some dogs eventually do.
Day 2:
We had a brief introduction today. We were spoken to very harshly. I did not hear a single "Boo boo" or "Ga Ga" at the end of any sentence. We were not given any treats. I did meet Dusty today. He seems alright but it's pretty clear why he's here. He was a mean junkyard dog for many years. He chewed the throat off of no less than six masters trying to train him. He seems like a good guy to chum up with.
Day 3:
We took the "Grand Tour" today. It seems there are seven levels to this place. I have not yet been assigned a level as they are reviewing my case. Rumor has it that dogs such as myself often go to the third level. It's not quite as bad as the seventh, but let's face it, the first seems like a walk in the park.
Day 4:
I still haven't been assigned a level yet. Not to be a complainer but today they ran the vacuum cleaners incessantly. I hate those things. First they come at you then they retreat. I tried to bite it but I was squirted in the face with a water bottle.
Day 5:
It seems my prediction is true. I'm headed to the third level. I heard they do quite a bit of torturing down there and I'm pretty nervous about it. Dusty was assigned the seventh level. I heard they drive delivery vehicles by his window every waking second and serve Kibbles N' Bits down there.
Day 6:
They brought me down to the third level today. The first thing they did was tie me to a chain in the backyard. Of course, being hell and all, they decided to put a cat just out of reach to drive me absolutely crazy. I choked myself no less than 400 times trying to get to him. I thought I broke free one time but another stake was driven into the ground holding me in place the very instant the first one broke free. What a futile existence!
Day 7:
Today they neglected to take us for a walk. I have to pee-pee and poo-poo so bad. I see a nice carpet over there...
Day 8:
I did pee-pee and poo-poo on the carpet yesterday. They rubbed my nose in my own pee-pee and poo-poo.
Day 9:
This is absolutely miserable. They shot fireworks and guns off today. They know how terrified of loud noises I am. I did everything I could to cover my ears but things just got louder. I did pee-pee on the carpet again...
Day 10:
It's only been ten days and I want to leave this place already. I can't imagine spending an eternity down here. I don't know how I'm going to do it. They woke me up this morning by extending their recliner out as I was underneath it. That hurt!
Day 11:
I ate cat poo-poo today. Best meal I've had since I've been down here.
Day 12:
They put me in a cage for eating cat poo-poo. I miss my master.
Day 13:
Today they took us to the lake to play fetch. The guy throwing the stick was such a jerk. He'd never actually throw it. He'd just act like he was throwing it. Sometimes I'd run thirty feet before I realized he never actually threw it. I hate this place.
Day 14:
They brought out more vacuum cleaners today. I got sprayed by the water bottle again when I tried to bite it.
Day 15:
They shaved me completely bald today with the exception of my head and tail. I look so stupid. They have made me miserable.
Day 16:
They made me wear a "Doggy Outfit" today. It was made up of Superman boots, a doggy Superman cape and sunglasses. I look so stupid. Everyone is laughing at me now.
Day 17:
Mmmm.... Bacon....
Day 18:
I got fleas down here. They're really bad. I can't get to them either. They're all right at the base of my tail. I just can't reach them.
Day 19:
Today was heartworm pill day. That was our only meal.
Day 20:
They're so mean and cruel. Don't ever go to Doggy Hell. It's a terrible place to be. Everything is designed specifically for your displeasure. They don't stop torturing you. Be a good little doggy and don't end up like me.
I died today. After many long years of being the loyal servant to my master, I died. Chasing after my favorite ball, I ran into the street not aware of what was happening only to be run over by the ice cream man's truck. I have arrived, it seems, in Doggy Hell as some dogs eventually do.
Day 2:
We had a brief introduction today. We were spoken to very harshly. I did not hear a single "Boo boo" or "Ga Ga" at the end of any sentence. We were not given any treats. I did meet Dusty today. He seems alright but it's pretty clear why he's here. He was a mean junkyard dog for many years. He chewed the throat off of no less than six masters trying to train him. He seems like a good guy to chum up with.
Day 3:
We took the "Grand Tour" today. It seems there are seven levels to this place. I have not yet been assigned a level as they are reviewing my case. Rumor has it that dogs such as myself often go to the third level. It's not quite as bad as the seventh, but let's face it, the first seems like a walk in the park.
Day 4:
I still haven't been assigned a level yet. Not to be a complainer but today they ran the vacuum cleaners incessantly. I hate those things. First they come at you then they retreat. I tried to bite it but I was squirted in the face with a water bottle.
Day 5:
It seems my prediction is true. I'm headed to the third level. I heard they do quite a bit of torturing down there and I'm pretty nervous about it. Dusty was assigned the seventh level. I heard they drive delivery vehicles by his window every waking second and serve Kibbles N' Bits down there.
Day 6:
They brought me down to the third level today. The first thing they did was tie me to a chain in the backyard. Of course, being hell and all, they decided to put a cat just out of reach to drive me absolutely crazy. I choked myself no less than 400 times trying to get to him. I thought I broke free one time but another stake was driven into the ground holding me in place the very instant the first one broke free. What a futile existence!
Day 7:
Today they neglected to take us for a walk. I have to pee-pee and poo-poo so bad. I see a nice carpet over there...
Day 8:
I did pee-pee and poo-poo on the carpet yesterday. They rubbed my nose in my own pee-pee and poo-poo.
Day 9:
This is absolutely miserable. They shot fireworks and guns off today. They know how terrified of loud noises I am. I did everything I could to cover my ears but things just got louder. I did pee-pee on the carpet again...
Day 10:
It's only been ten days and I want to leave this place already. I can't imagine spending an eternity down here. I don't know how I'm going to do it. They woke me up this morning by extending their recliner out as I was underneath it. That hurt!
Day 11:
I ate cat poo-poo today. Best meal I've had since I've been down here.
Day 12:
They put me in a cage for eating cat poo-poo. I miss my master.
Day 13:
Today they took us to the lake to play fetch. The guy throwing the stick was such a jerk. He'd never actually throw it. He'd just act like he was throwing it. Sometimes I'd run thirty feet before I realized he never actually threw it. I hate this place.
Day 14:
They brought out more vacuum cleaners today. I got sprayed by the water bottle again when I tried to bite it.
Day 15:
They shaved me completely bald today with the exception of my head and tail. I look so stupid. They have made me miserable.
Day 16:
They made me wear a "Doggy Outfit" today. It was made up of Superman boots, a doggy Superman cape and sunglasses. I look so stupid. Everyone is laughing at me now.
Day 17:
Mmmm.... Bacon....
Day 18:
I got fleas down here. They're really bad. I can't get to them either. They're all right at the base of my tail. I just can't reach them.
Day 19:
Today was heartworm pill day. That was our only meal.
Day 20:
They're so mean and cruel. Don't ever go to Doggy Hell. It's a terrible place to be. Everything is designed specifically for your displeasure. They don't stop torturing you. Be a good little doggy and don't end up like me.
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