AP Update: President, Professor And Policeman Get Hammered At White House Gathering

Washington D.C. - It was a wild night of mayhem and partying Thursday night as President Obama and his invited guests took advantage of the “open bar” policy at the White House. In what started out as a reconciliation attempt to ease over race relations resulting from a bit of bad luck, some misunderstandings, and a bit of stupidity in a Massachusetts suburb, things went from calm and relaxed to wild and crazy.

None of the three had eaten anything before the reconciling began and, according to the Professor, the beer began flowing like water. According to Professor Gates, “It all started when the President challenged us to the drinking game ‘*********r Neighbor.’ From there, things got out of control as I felt Sgt. Crowley and the President were teaming up on me. I must have chugged six or seven beers in about ten minutes as they kept targeting me.”

Sgt. Crowley declared that he and the President were not teaming up on the Professor but merely playing the game. “It’s not like we initially set out targeting Professor Gates, it just so happened that his demeanor led us to believe he’d be the best guy to ‘screw’ in ‘*********r Neighbor.’ I just don’t get this guy. Every time something bad happens to him, he thinks he’s getting profiled. Naturally, he forgot about the keg stands he and the President had me doing in the Oval Office.”

President Obama said he thought the game was fitting considering that Professor Gates’ neighbor was the one who called the police. “I couldn’t think of a more suitable drinking game than that one,” Obama was quoted as saying. “In the end, I think we smoothed a lot of things over and we should all be back on an even keel. But, let me tell you something, the Jell-O Shooters have given me one hell of a hangover.”

After the trio finished playing “*********r Neighbor” and knocking back a whole party tray of Jell-O shooters, someone brought out a bottle of tequila. “From there, things just went downhill. The three of them began doing body shots off of White House interns and tempting foreign guests with Mardi Gras beads,” one anonymous source said.

Towards the end of the night, the three played Rock Band on the White House Playstation 3. Eventually, Professor Gates passed out in the Lincoln bedroom while Sgt. Crowley puked in a White House plant.

“All in all,” the President said, “this was exactly what I intended on to ease things over.”