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Guerilla Fighters Suffer Guerrilla Attack From Gorillas
Posted 08-29-2009 at 11:23 PM by GCSTroop
Somewhere in Africa - Forty-seven guerilla fighters were found viciously mutilated, many of them with their skulls crushed in, after a suspected gorilla attack took place some time last week.
Members of the LRA (Lord’s Resistance Army) were found in various states of morbid repose deep in the heart of the African jungle. Some of them had bananas shoved in various orifices while others appeared to have been trampled and beaten to death. The LRA, a group of only about a thousand gorilla fighters on a mission to keep chaos brewing in the region, first noticed their missing guerrilla’s after they failed to report to base at the designated time.
After search parties were sent out and the missing guerrilla fighters were found, it became quite apparent they had encountered a roving band of gorillas known to inhabit the region. Though attacks by gorillas are not unheard of they are typically rare even in the jungles. However, when attacks do occur, the spray patterns found in the vegetation of the scene often indicate the victims have no idea from which direction the gorillas were attacking from. This has led many people to believe the gorillas use a certain style of guerilla warfare when planning attacks.
It’s not wholly clear for what purpose the gorillas plan these attacks but many believe that violations of their natural habitat have a lot to do with it. Onyo Ungaborogungo had this to say, “Gorilla bad. I shoot all over but find nothing. Gorilla kill my comrade.”
All of the speculation about gorillas working together in order to perform guerilla attacks has led some primate behavior specialists to theorize that certain species of mammals have more distinct methods of communication than we currently suspect. “It’s clear that in order for these things to occur, lines of communication once thought unique to humans must actually be more prevalent in our society,” Dr. Wilhelm Yost of Berlin University was quoted as saying.
Though it’s not evident how many guerrilla gorillas may be in the area, some suspect it could be upwards of thousands.
Members of the LRA (Lord’s Resistance Army) were found in various states of morbid repose deep in the heart of the African jungle. Some of them had bananas shoved in various orifices while others appeared to have been trampled and beaten to death. The LRA, a group of only about a thousand gorilla fighters on a mission to keep chaos brewing in the region, first noticed their missing guerrilla’s after they failed to report to base at the designated time.
After search parties were sent out and the missing guerrilla fighters were found, it became quite apparent they had encountered a roving band of gorillas known to inhabit the region. Though attacks by gorillas are not unheard of they are typically rare even in the jungles. However, when attacks do occur, the spray patterns found in the vegetation of the scene often indicate the victims have no idea from which direction the gorillas were attacking from. This has led many people to believe the gorillas use a certain style of guerilla warfare when planning attacks.
It’s not wholly clear for what purpose the gorillas plan these attacks but many believe that violations of their natural habitat have a lot to do with it. Onyo Ungaborogungo had this to say, “Gorilla bad. I shoot all over but find nothing. Gorilla kill my comrade.”
All of the speculation about gorillas working together in order to perform guerilla attacks has led some primate behavior specialists to theorize that certain species of mammals have more distinct methods of communication than we currently suspect. “It’s clear that in order for these things to occur, lines of communication once thought unique to humans must actually be more prevalent in our society,” Dr. Wilhelm Yost of Berlin University was quoted as saying.
Though it’s not evident how many guerrilla gorillas may be in the area, some suspect it could be upwards of thousands.
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