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Rating: 6 votes, 5.00 average.

Write About What You Know... Final Installment

Posted 07-28-2008 at 10:36 PM by mams1559
Updated 07-30-2008 at 11:40 AM by mams1559


Quote:
I know love is never lost. Love can always be found, even in the depths of dispair. In those moments of life when it seems our world is crashing in on us, when nothing seems to be going our way, when we're at our wits end, love will find a way. Love will rescue us.
Yes, love rescues. God, the author of love, uses love in various ways both directly from Himself or through others to show us there is hope, that there's no need to despair, that life is worth living.

Many years ago, before I was married, before I even was able to drive a car, I was miserable. I was tormented. I had lost sight of Jesus and was living for the world, not for Him. There was a darkness dwelling in me, trying to consume me. I was supremely unhappy. I was extremely angry. I was suffering from a great depression. I had lost sight of love. I felt there was no hope, no light, no purpose for me to continue on in this world.

At my lowest point, I sat at my desk in my room and wrote a very nasty, very vile letter. In it I ridiculed myself, listed every possible flaw and fault. I had no love for myself left. I finished the letter by basically saying good-bye to my family and this world. I got on my bike and rode aimlessly around town. I ended up at The Point ... where the two rivers merge to form the Conemaugh. I parked my bike and walked as far as I could to the very edge of The Point.

There's a railing there, but only about waist high. I looked down at the waters at the base of the flood walls.. how it churned and foamed as the two rivers combined and mixed. At the time, it was still pretty dirty water.. staining the river walls orange with sulfur from the closed mines upstream. Dirty, just like I felt. Unworthy to sustain life, just like I felt. Churning, just like my mind was at the time.

I was leaning pretty far over the railing. My head was jumbled with all sorts of emotions and thoughts. Many were encouraging the next obvious move. I was a nobody. I wasn't important. I was invisible. No one would even notice. I was a horrible person who didn't deserve to keep breathing. I was still leaning over, lost in my dark thoughts. I was trying very hard to shut out one tiny speck of light, telling me this was wrong, this couldn't be undone.

During this internal struggle of should I or shouldn't I, love again rescued me ~~ in two forms: One, the love of my mother; two, the love of my heavenly father.

I can now admit I was ready to let go. The very thought makes me shudder to realize how close I came. Just as I was deciding to let go, love came driving up to me. My mother found my note and drove around frantically to find me... which she did in the nick of time. She pulled over, parked and called my name from the car.

Her tone sounded different than all the hollering I was used to hearing. Love was in her voice. I started to tear up. She called my name again and again, not with anger or hostility, as I was so familiar, but with love and tenderness, until I turned around. I don't think she realized at the time how close I was, but nonetheless, it was the love in her voice I percieved that made me turn to face her.

She kept the same tone as she simply asked if I was okay. "Sure" I said, playing it cool. She said "I found your note. Are you sure you're all right? I'm worried about you." I kept it together to simply say "yeah, don't worry about that. I was just venting." She simply said "Come home. We'll have dinner" and then drove off. The way she said come home... it wasn't a command, it was a request. I could hear her concern and sincerity. But I didn't want to go home.

I was confused still. But the speck of light from earlier was growing brighter. I sat on a bench and hung my head, trying to figure out what I wanted to do, what was my next move. Enter love ~~ in the form of God's love. It was very present all of a sudden. That growing speck became a bright flare. I felt a warmth and a comfort and a peace I hadn't felt for a very, very long time. I cried softly as I began to realize God's love never left me, I left Him. I tried so hard to shut Him out, but I couldn't any longer. I could just feel His love flow over me. I was beginning to understand. The light was taking over the darkness.

I stood up, got on my bike and rode home for dinner. Love had rescued me again. Love can rescue you, as well.
Posted in Uncategorized
Views 3707 Comments 4
Total Comments 4

Comments

  1. Old Comment
    ok mams, this one spilled the tears...I am so glad the light never left you...Isn't He amazing? Isn't he just so full of Love? If we only just turn to Him....blessings to you my friend.
    permalink
    Posted 07-28-2008 at 11:28 PM by aiangel_writer aiangel_writer is offline
  2. Old Comment
    mams, What a beautiful and heart tugging story. I'm glad your here today to help others.
    permalink
    Posted 07-29-2008 at 05:16 PM by JoshB JoshB is offline
  3. Old Comment
    Thank you, Mark for such a personal testimony of love..You learned that day that love conquors all..Love is God within us..
    permalink
    Posted 08-10-2008 at 11:52 AM by Miss Blue Miss Blue is offline
  4. Old Comment
    oh I cried on this one I know God can bring you out cause He did me..Awesome
    permalink
    Posted 04-26-2010 at 03:50 PM by kentuckylady08 kentuckylady08 is offline
 

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