Quote:
Originally Posted by markg91359
I have been saying something like this for sometime. You are totally correct. In my experience, LDS people don't deliberately avoid their non-LDS neighbors. Its a question of having very limited time because of the way many have their lives organized.
Imagine the following:
1. Average family size of four young children;
2. Large extended family that lives nearby that gets together often;
3. Ward activities on Wednesdays, some Saturdays, and Sundays;
4. Family Home Evening on Monday;
5. Working extra hours to support a larger than average family.
How many people living this lifestyle have a spare hour or two of free time to socialize with neighbors they don't see in church? Not many.
Being LDS is more of joining a particular lifestyle than it is of joining a church. I think anyone who moves to Utah who is not LDS needs to understand this.
Having lived elsewhere, I think its true that it is harder to make friends here. I guess on the bright side you could say though that once you do make friends, friendships tend to be more substantive and last longer.
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These are all very good points. I've been thinking about this post for the last little while, and about other posts I've seen on this forum from non-Mormons who would like to get to know their LDS neighbors a little bit better but are just kind of hesitant to make the first move or to inadvertantly offend someone they're planning on living next door to for the next fifteen years or so. I'd just like to offer a few comments and suggestions of my own:
1. Mormonism is probably one of the few, if not the only, Christian denomination where no matter where you live, your street address determines where you will attend church each Sunday. You're free to attend an LDS church on the other side of town, and you'll be welcomed there -- but always (even if you go there every week) as a "visitor." Your "home ward" is where your "ward family" resides. You see these people three hours every Sunday and associate with them at church functions throughout the week. You know their kids because you teach them in Sunday School and chauffeur them around to church-sponsored activities. If you're a woman, two women in your ward are assigned to drop in and visit with you every month, to pick your kids up after school in a pinch and to bring in a casserole to feed your family when you're under the weather. Whether you're a man or a woman, you will also have two men in your ward visit you on a monthly basis, to check on how you're doing and to pass any information you may ask them to on to your bishop (if you lost your job, for instance, or were going into the hospital for some surgery). Stop and think about it... If you were quite good friends with more than a hundred people within an area of just a few square blocks of your house, if your needs were being met by this wide circle of people you knew you had a lot in common with, how much effort would you put into getting to know someone who was new in your neighborhood and was not part of that group? Probably not as much effort as you should. We plead guilty. We may not have a good excuse, but it's not that we're going out of our way to shun you.
2. Mormons have a health code (the Word of Wisdom) that seems to interfere with our getting to know our non-Mormon neighbors a lot more than it should. Our non-Mormon neighbors would love to have us over for coffee, but they have heard that we're going to be offended by the gesture. (See my post #351 on page 36 of this thread for a helpful hint on this topic.) Those who haven't done their homework may actually make the faux pas of inviting us over some evening "for a few drinks." We know what that means: a drunken brawl!!!!
No, we're really not quite that bad, but that's just something we don't do, and those of us who have spent our entire lives in the Church (and especially here in Mormon country, where we have plenty of friends who don't drink either) sometimes do make unfair assumptions about what "a couple of beers" really means. I know a lot of Mormons who would not want to go out to dinner with a couple that intends to have a glass of wine with their meal. I know a lot of Mormons who wouldn't give it a second thought. If possible, get to know your LDS neighbors in a setting that wouldn't involve alcohol before you invite them to a dinner where alcohol is served. It's silly, I know, that it should be such an issue, but if you want to get to know them, a little bit of respect for their beliefs will go along way. It probably won't take too awfully long before your having a glass of wine or them having a 7-up won't change the way in which you relate to each other.
3. Keep in mind that for us, the fun part of the weekend is only one day long. As much as we'd like to go to a movie or a football game or Lagoon with you, we would be very unlikely to agree to go with you on a Sunday. (We might watch the same movie or football game at home on TV, though. Don't ask me to explain that one.) We limit our shopping to the extent possible to the other six days of the week, and you won't find us out mowing our lawns or washing our cars on Sunday either. Some Mormons insist that their kids stay home with their families on Sunday when they're not in Church. This isn't Church policy, but I know a lot of families that feel that way. So, that means that even though they are happy to have their kids play with yours the other six days of the week, they may not be able to continue Saturday's activity on Sunday. That would include Saturday night sleepovers. Mondays are reserved for Family Home Evening, or at least they're supposed to be. A lot of LDS families won't let their kids do anything with friends on Monday night because they're going to be spending the evening with their own brothers and sisters. Couples whose kids are grown and out of the house are generally a lot less likely to be sticklers for Family Home Evenings. Finally, if you want to ask your LDS neighbors to go to a movie with you, keep in mind that many of them do not watch R-rated movies. Again, others do. You just need to get to know them and not take anything for granted.
I hope that helps some!