[Pena]

Originally Posted by Timing2012

How can you have no attraction to this guy you loved for so long?

You had the attraction, right? Some fat here and there can be sexy. Something about cushion for the pushing.

Well, now comes the hard part… something I have realised recently but still find hard to admit to myself.

I don’t think I ever was attracted to him.

When we met I was going through a very rough time with an ex boyfriend who couldn’t come to terms with our breakup. The ex boyfriend turned everyone against me. Police were involved. I was drunk and depressed every night. It was awful.

He was pretty much the only person on my “side” and we became very close. Before I knew it our relationship had become physical and next thing I knew I had moved in with him. It all happened just like that - SO quickly, it’s a total blur. I was swept up in the excitement of dating a sweet, wise older man – one that EVERYONE loved on MY arm - after years of dealing with BOYS.

Even in the beginning although quite enjoyable once we got going, the sex also felt forced - almost like rather than doing it with him because I wanted to, I was doing it because I felt indebted to him for all he’d done for me during the difficult times. I know, I know, this sounds sick and it’s not fair on either of us.

8 years later, here I still am. I love his companionship when things are good… but that’s pretty much it. I have changed completely and so has he – but not in a good way. If we didn’t live together I probably would have ended it a long time ago. The thought of having to pack all my stuff up in front of him (and I have a LOT of it) and find a new place to live, leaving him renting on his own at 50 years old, makes me feel sick.

I know it’s all very confusing – first I say I’m not attracted to him anymore, then I say I never was…. I don’t know. It’s been so long since we’ve had a healthy sex life that I can’t even work out what I feel anymore.