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Old 09-19-2010, 10:09 AM
 
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We're thinking of adopting a younger child, 4 - 6 years old through the DCFS. Friends or relatives we confided in told us we're looking for trouble. Are we?
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Old 09-19-2010, 10:14 AM
 
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Did they mean because an older child is usually only up for adoption because they either have disabilities (mental or physical) that their parents couldn't deal with or they've been through some kind of abuse? Or were they referring to DCFS in general?

We actually considered doing the same but in all honesty we just aren't equipped to deal with the kind of child that needs a home at that age and I think it was better for all concerned that we could admit that upfront.
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Old 09-19-2010, 06:41 PM
 
Location: MMU->ABE->ATL->ASH
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I adopted a Son as a Foster-Adopt from DFCS, Fostered @ 9, adopted @ 10, 13 now. Looked to do adoption Domstic or Internationally, but found the info on the child was next to none (or made up) on international. Friends had bad exp. with older internationals. Going DFCS route I review a packet of info on the child (Usually a binder 3" thick). of everything the state knew about him. Most are in foster care due to there parent(s) action/or lack of actions. not for anything they did,
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Old 09-19-2010, 07:06 PM
 
Location: The brown house on the cul de sac
2,081 posts, read 4,235,268 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justnice View Post
We're thinking of adopting a younger child, 4 - 6 years old through the DCFS. Friends or relatives we confided in told us we're looking for trouble. Are we?
I think you need new friends.
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Old 09-19-2010, 07:07 PM
 
43,012 posts, read 92,075,066 times
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My friends adopted two sisters a few years younger. That was probably 8 years ago.

They weren't trouble. They love those children just like their biological children.

Don't let people scare you from adotpion.
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Old 04-23-2012, 10:19 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,591 posts, read 23,151,009 times
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I'd love to hear stories of positive experiences with Foster Care adoption too.
When we first looked into adoption, that was where we began. The very first meeting scared us off. The people who were there who had good stories, actually had negative stories.
They were open to things that seemed very dysfunctional and strange to us. We adopted from Korea and now we have a beautiful as well as a son. They are both getting older and I am getting the empty first pangs of "empty nest syndrome".

We are thinking of Ukraine because I have done volunteer work with a Ukraine hosting program, but I am re-examining the domestic option.

I have to admit I have not heard much that was good.
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Old 04-24-2012, 03:26 PM
 
3,741 posts, read 9,579,239 times
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Actually negative stories bring you back to possible reality. No one should go into adoption with just rosie images in their minds as this may hurt the child and them in the long run. Understanding reality and being able to deal with it and still be loving parents is the best in the long run. Negative stories are part of the reality.

We investigated adoption and our family doctor advised against it due to his own situation. Our best friends advised against it due to their own problems. We wanted to know both sides of the issue. We decided against it due to our own issues but did get a good understanding of the reality of the process.
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Old 04-24-2012, 08:14 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,591 posts, read 23,151,009 times
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Negative stories do bring you into reality. I shied away from this once. And it looks as though I might again.

Adoption has been a wonderful thing for us with respect yo our daughter. We have also hosted many children from Ukraine, and attempted to adopt one. He was reunited with his mother and I really hope that the outcome has been good.

I think unless I learn otherwise, that I will stick to international adoption, to continue to build our family.

We have had no significant issues with adoption that we have not had with biological children.
I do not know what your situation is, but adoption is a good way to build families.

Negative stories are not a part of my adoption. If your doctor recommended that you refrain from adopting, there must have been a reason that had to do with you, and not with adoption.
Most adoption go well.
My question was about a specific type of risky adoption.
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Old 04-26-2012, 03:23 AM
 
3,741 posts, read 9,579,239 times
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We were specifically looking into slightly older child or sibling group foster care domestic adoptions. Our doctor had done it and our friends had done it. Both had significant and long lasting issues within their families. Not a big sample but their stories made us ask different questions to the caseworkers. Things we had not thought about.

It is wise to be wary about what is told whether domestic or international. There are, of course, good and not so good caseworkers and files.
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Old 04-27-2012, 08:38 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,591 posts, read 23,151,009 times
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We are now also looking into older children.

Having hosted over 20 children from Ukraine, all over the age of six, I can say that there was only one child who had issues. We advocated for these children to find homes, and ALL did. Even the boy with anger issues.

What frightened us about US Foster Care adoption was primarily American parents, who screwed up enough to lose their children, yet still feel entitled enough to want to be in the child's life and to barge their way into the life and homes of the new family!

Have they NO SHAME???

At the information session, there was a family who adopted a 14 year old daughter, and got what they termed a "pleasant surprise" - the girl at the time of the adoption, was pregnant! They KNEW this and went ahead with the adoption as planned!

AND they permitted the child ( and that is what she was to me) KEEP the child!

They must come from ANOTHER WORLD!

Not in my HOUSE.
Not in my LIFE.
NOT in my WORLD! Children should NOT raise Children!
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