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Yep. Me.
We chose IVF because we really wanted to try to have a child of our own.
We are not against adoption at all, and who knows, maybe one day we'll take that path. But we wanted to give IVF a try and not have regrets. Luckily for us, it worked!
These are all wonderful comments. I hope others share their opinions and stories. Although the decision is ultimately ours, it helps to "talk" it through with others besides my SO and family. Please, keep posting! I will share our decision on this thread as promised.
I think there is no stigma with adoption. I know so many people who have adopted one or more children that it is definitely becoming more widely accepted. I remember the days when people wouldn't tell their children that they were adopted until they were much older but now I see more families embracing that. It was something that I was completely open to when we thought about having kids.
I think that IVF is perfectly acceptable too - both are very expensive but IVF is a lot more invasive, emotionally charged, and financially draining without the possibility of getting a return on your investment. If you can afford it, and you really wanted a child of your own, I think that it would be a good option before going the adoption route or even after going the adoption route.
I just know that my friends who have adopted seem to be a little less taxed with the process (granted it depends on where they adopted from and the requirements of the program) and although they were on edge, it didn't strain their relationship as much. My friends that went through IVF (three of them) went on an emotional roller coaster, and really had more highs and lows. Of those three, one had a successful IVF only to get divorced when they attempted to have a second child. The other two didn't have successful IVF and went the adoption route and have several children now.
I guess if I was in your shoes and my marriage was strong enough, I would establish how much I could take with IVF because ultimately I always wanted to have a child of my own but I also wanted to adopt. But, my husband and I agreed that if we had difficulty and had to face that decision what our money limits would be, time limits and health limits. Luckily, we didn't have to face all of that and are due to have our first child soon. But, if we went that route we know what line we don't want to cross. Regardless, this is a very personal decision and I wish you all the best!
It took us 5 years to have a child and I was 35 when he was born. When he was 2 we decided we wanted another child. I didn't hesitate for a minute to start adoption process. No way was I going to put 5 more years into trying again. We adopted a beautiful baby girl and then eventually 2 more girls.
Yes i love my son but I also love my daughters. the phrase "OWN children" really pisses me off. All my kids are my OWN.
Personally I have found that way too many women are much more into being pregnant than being mothers.
I have a daughter I conceived without any intervention, but I know people who have adopted and people who have conceived via IVF. If I wanted another child and had to make the choice, I would probably do an international adoption. I hate to think about children languishing in orphanages or foster care.
I wouldn't risk my financial future in either case.
My point was that in the end adoption yields a child. At the end of IVF, not everyone has a baby. I know of people who mortgaged their home for a baby via IVF and walked away with nothing. At least your friends have two wonderful children at the end of the day.
not everyone who tries to adopt is able. I know people who have waited and waited, and still don't have a baby. I think the waiting would really wear on me. Although, my sister is in the middle of IVF right now, and that can take a toll too. I'm not sure, but I think I might try IVF a couple times, then move on to adoption if it didn't work.
I know of several people who have done IUI or IVF and do not try to hide it. If I see fraternal twins, I pretty much assume it was fertility treatments, these days.
not everyone who tries to adopt is able. I know people who have waited and waited, and still don't have a baby. I think the waiting would really wear on me. Although, my sister is in the middle of IVF right now, and that can take a toll too. I'm not sure, but I think I might try IVF a couple times, then move on to adoption if it didn't work.
I know of several people who have done IUI or IVF and do not try to hide it. If I see fraternal twins, I pretty much assume it was fertility treatments, these days.
If people are stuck on a particular race, gender, or nationality, it can take a while. Domestic adoption is not perfect, but eventually you will end up with a child. The same cannot be said for IVF.
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All,
I'm not slamming or judging people who decide on IVF. It's not the choice I would ever make.
If you had a choice between IVF or Adoption, what would you choose?
Do you think there is a stigma attached to adoption?
Are you or do you know of a woman who got pregnant via IVF?
Do you or does this woman lie about how the child was conceived to hide the issue of infertility?
I have this option and I know which one I'm heavily leaning towards...I'll reveal after some comments and poll count is at a decent percent.
I'm curious what others would do/think.
Thanks!
I don't think there necessarily is a stigma attached to adoption. There are some difficulties, but there are difficulties attached to any way of becoming a parent.
Those I know who have gone through IVF are more likely to go into endless detail about the experience than to lie about having gone that route. My personal feeling is that it's completely unnecessary and in poor taste to tell anyone the particulars of conception, no matter whether they involved intracytoplasmic sperm injection or a drunk Saturday night.
I know of several people who have done IUI or IVF and do not try to hide it. If I see fraternal twins, I pretty much assume it was fertility treatments, these days.
PLEASE tell me you're not that woman who comes up to twin moms in the mall and asks "did you use drugs?"
My answer changed over the years from "just some ecstasy" (not true) to "why, do I look familiar to you from that last stint in rehab?"
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu
the phrase "OWN children" really pisses me off. All my kids are my OWN.
I've heard a friend use the terms (jokingly) "homemade" and "imported" to refer to her daughters.
IVF is against our religious beliefs, so it would definitely be adoption for us.
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