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View Poll Results: IVF or Adoption?
IVF 19 46.34%
Adoption 22 53.66%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 41. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 09-10-2011, 04:14 PM
 
2,319 posts, read 4,093,955 times
Reputation: 2076

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth Peterson View Post
I fell to the temptation of IVF. I was a good person, an elementary school teacher. My husband was a hard worker, a cancer survivor, and a good man. We were told children we not possible for us.

We were referred to a reproductive clinic, and no adoption resources or other foundations information were provided.

When we went to the appointment, I should have felt that Christ wasn't with me. I was obsessed with having a child.

We went through two IVF cycles, and I am now responsible for all those lost souls. One cycle was successful and gave me two beautiful girls, but I hate myself. Then were two embros frozen. They cryed out to me in a dream. I wanted to set them free. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and weak. I chose to have the destroyed. I was wrong. I will regret that decision everyday of my life. Now I watch my children playing with deep sadness that I may not be able to spend eternity with them. I feel hopeless that I lost God's love. I beg forgiveness to the children I'll never know, and I am terrified that I've lost my salvation.

I beg any woman who is considering IVF to stop. It is wrong. Teach your daughters, sisters, friends, and loved ones that it's wrong. Anyone tempted should read Revelations in the Bible. Please visit Pope Paul VI institute for more options or choose adoption.
I feel so sorry for you! Either your own self guilt or the garbage you've been fed is destroying your relationship with your children and yourself, and that's a tremendous loss to your girls. As a former Christian, I just feel so bad for you. I wish you could find the peace you aren't finding in your faith. There are other interpretations and variations of Christianity that could help you lead a more fulfilling, less guilty life than you are now.
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Old 09-10-2011, 06:49 PM
 
Location: Arizona
1,204 posts, read 2,172,253 times
Reputation: 1539
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth Peterson View Post
I fell to the temptation of IVF. I was a good person, an elementary school teacher. My husband was a hard worker, a cancer survivor, and a good man. We were told children we not possible for us.

We were referred to a reproductive clinic, and no adoption resources or other foundations information were provided.

When we went to the appointment, I should have felt that Christ wasn't with me. I was obsessed with having a child.

We went through two IVF cycles, and I am now responsible for all those lost souls. One cycle was successful and gave me two beautiful girls, but I hate myself. Then were two embros frozen. They cryed out to me in a dream. I wanted to set them free. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and weak. I chose to have the destroyed. I was wrong. I will regret that decision everyday of my life. Now I watch my children playing with deep sadness that I may not be able to spend eternity with them. I feel hopeless that I lost God's love. I beg forgiveness to the children I'll never know, and I am terrified that I've lost my salvation.

I beg any woman who is considering IVF to stop. It is wrong. Teach your daughters, sisters, friends, and loved ones that it's wrong. Anyone tempted should read Revelations in the Bible. Please visit Pope Paul VI institute for more options or choose adoption.
I think you really need to get some mental help, I don't mean this in a mean spirited way. This is not the way you should be thinking. You must know that your children WILL feel your emotions and that is not fair to them. They didn't ask to be born, but now that they are you need to cherish them and give them the happy life they deserve, not one watching you wallow in self-pity.
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Old 09-11-2011, 11:48 AM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 30,085,352 times
Reputation: 32406
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth Peterson View Post
I fell to the temptation of IVF. I was a good person, an elementary school teacher. My husband was a hard worker, a cancer survivor, and a good man. We were told children we not possible for us.

We were referred to a reproductive clinic, and no adoption resources or other foundations information were provided.

When we went to the appointment, I should have felt that Christ wasn't with me. I was obsessed with having a child.

We went through two IVF cycles, and I am now responsible for all those lost souls. One cycle was successful and gave me two beautiful girls, but I hate myself. Then were two embros frozen. They cryed out to me in a dream. I wanted to set them free. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and weak. I chose to have the destroyed. I was wrong. I will regret that decision everyday of my life. Now I watch my children playing with deep sadness that I may not be able to spend eternity with them. I feel hopeless that I lost God's love. I beg forgiveness to the children I'll never know, and I am terrified that I've lost my salvation.

I beg any woman who is considering IVF to stop. It is wrong. Teach your daughters, sisters, friends, and loved ones that it's wrong. Anyone tempted should read Revelations in the Bible. Please visit Pope Paul VI institute for more options or choose adoption.
Someone who feels as you do, apparently that life begins at conception, even if that takes place in a petri dish, probably shouldn't go the IVF route. It was wrong for you, but is not wrong for everyone. You are wrong to advise others not to do it. I'm sorry that you are feeling so much anguish about this. I hope you will seek therapy to try to heal.
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Old 09-11-2011, 07:04 PM
 
1,135 posts, read 2,050,534 times
Reputation: 1486
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth Peterson View Post
I fell to the temptation of IVF. I was a good person, an elementary school teacher. My husband was a hard worker, a cancer survivor, and a good man. We were told children we not possible for us.

We were referred to a reproductive clinic, and no adoption resources or other foundations information were provided.

When we went to the appointment, I should have felt that Christ wasn't with me. I was obsessed with having a child.

We went through two IVF cycles, and I am now responsible for all those lost souls. One cycle was successful and gave me two beautiful girls, but I hate myself. Then were two embros frozen. They cryed out to me in a dream. I wanted to set them free. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and weak. I chose to have the destroyed. I was wrong. I will regret that decision everyday of my life. Now I watch my children playing with deep sadness that I may not be able to spend eternity with them. I feel hopeless that I lost God's love. I beg forgiveness to the children I'll never know, and I am terrified that I've lost my salvation.

I beg any woman who is considering IVF to stop. It is wrong. Teach your daughters, sisters, friends, and loved ones that it's wrong. Anyone tempted should read Revelations in the Bible. Please visit Pope Paul VI institute for more options or choose adoption.
My sister had twins through IVF on her second try. There were some leftover embryos.

She pays a few hundred bucks each year to keep them frozen b/c she is Catholic and says she would feel guilty about having them destroyed even though she's not particularly religious.

Recently, I saw a news program about an embryo adoption program where infertile couples can adopt your unused embryos. I passed the info on to her since it would be a more productive solution than keeping her embryos frozen for the rest of her life. Maybe you could look into a similar program.

I'd also recommend counseling to help you get past your guilt. It will destroy you and prevent you from being the best mother you can be for your child.
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Old 09-12-2011, 09:04 AM
 
Location: S. Florida
1,100 posts, read 2,661,484 times
Reputation: 1419
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth Peterson View Post
I fell to the temptation of IVF. I was a good person, an elementary school teacher. My husband was a hard worker, a cancer survivor, and a good man. We were told children we not possible for us.

We were referred to a reproductive clinic, and no adoption resources or other foundations information were provided.

When we went to the appointment, I should have felt that Christ wasn't with me. I was obsessed with having a child.

We went through two IVF cycles, and I am now responsible for all those lost souls. One cycle was successful and gave me two beautiful girls, but I hate myself. Then were two embros frozen. They cryed out to me in a dream. I wanted to set them free. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and weak. I chose to have the destroyed. I was wrong. I will regret that decision everyday of my life. Now I watch my children playing with deep sadness that I may not be able to spend eternity with them. I feel hopeless that I lost God's love. I beg forgiveness to the children I'll never know, and I am terrified that I've lost my salvation.

I beg any woman who is considering IVF to stop. It is wrong. Teach your daughters, sisters, friends, and loved ones that it's wrong. Anyone tempted should read Revelations in the Bible. Please visit Pope Paul VI institute for more options or choose adoption.
I don't know if you are for real or even worth responding to. But, I have two children. One from a successful IVF cycle and one from adoption. I am grateful to be a mommy and love them with every fiber of my being.

ENJOY the two daughters you have, and be interactive with them. Be happy and engaged with them. You are a mommy and your kids need you to love and cherish them. Be grateful that you are a mom and stop dwelling on the past.
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Old 09-12-2011, 09:53 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,484 posts, read 43,763,062 times
Reputation: 47257
Surely you must know the damage you are doing to the two kids who are here and alive with this attitude. and if you ever outright tell them about the guilt you are feeling, you will be just as guilty of destroying them as you are of destroying the others (not that I feel you have anything to feel guilty about but apparently you do).

You need some professional help. This attitude is so destructive to your happiness and the happiness of your entire family. Please find some help ASAP.
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Old 09-12-2011, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,105 posts, read 45,622,935 times
Reputation: 61720
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elizabeth Peterson View Post
I fell to the temptation of IVF. I was a good person, an elementary school teacher. My husband was a hard worker, a cancer survivor, and a good man. We were told children we not possible for us.

We were referred to a reproductive clinic, and no adoption resources or other foundations information were provided.

When we went to the appointment, I should have felt that Christ wasn't with me. I was obsessed with having a child.

We went through two IVF cycles, and I am now responsible for all those lost souls. One cycle was successful and gave me two beautiful girls, but I hate myself. Then were two embros frozen. They cryed out to me in a dream. I wanted to set them free. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and weak. I chose to have the destroyed. I was wrong. I will regret that decision everyday of my life. Now I watch my children playing with deep sadness that I may not be able to spend eternity with them. I feel hopeless that I lost God's love. I beg forgiveness to the children I'll never know, and I am terrified that I've lost my salvation.

I beg any woman who is considering IVF to stop. It is wrong. Teach your daughters, sisters, friends, and loved ones that it's wrong. Anyone tempted should read Revelations in the Bible. Please visit Pope Paul VI institute for more options or choose adoption.
I am sorry you are going through such pain about this. I wish you would go to a good compassionate clergy person and talk out your feelings. I believe you are being much too hard on yourself.
The embryos you created would never have existed without medical intervention anyway, so in the end, the result is still the same.
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Old 11-30-2012, 08:30 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,986,506 times
Reputation: 2365
Post Update on Adoption

It has been a while since I started this post so I thought I'd update everyone who participated in it...

We decided on adoption and began the process once we moved back home to California. That was June of this year. Progress so far:

A) Approved for Foster Care through the county (this was mandatory although will have opted to just adopt)

B) Assigned an Adoption Social Worker (ASW) earlier this month

C) Received letter from ASW that she can meet with us early spring (lots of applicants for newborns to 2yrs)

I don't think the timing or process has been bad at all! It's actually been going pretty smoothly for us...so, from June to November (5 months) to March/Apr (9 months), we will hopefully meet our ASW and start receiving calls for a child...that's not bad. It takes some couples up to six months to get pregnant and another nine to have the child...if everything goes well during the pregnancy.

I'll continue to update as we continue with the process!
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Old 01-25-2013, 12:00 PM
 
241 posts, read 514,022 times
Reputation: 251
I did IVF and have a beautiful 1 year-old girl. I also hope to adopt when she is older.

There should be no stigma for either.
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Old 02-26-2013, 07:36 PM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,986,506 times
Reputation: 2365
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
It has been a while since I started this post so I thought I'd update everyone who participated in it...

We decided on adoption and began the process once we moved back home to California. That was June of this year. Progress so far:

A) Approved for Foster Care through the county (this was mandatory although will have opted to just adopt)

B) Assigned an Adoption Social Worker (ASW) earlier this month

C) Received letter from ASW that she can meet with us early spring (lots of applicants for newborns to 2yrs)

I don't think the timing or process has been bad at all! It's actually been going pretty smoothly for us...so, from June to November (5 months) to March/Apr (9 months), we will hopefully meet our ASW and start receiving calls for a child...that's not bad. It takes some couples up to six months to get pregnant and another nine to have the child...if everything goes well during the pregnancy.

I'll continue to update as we continue with the process!
Spoke with the ASW earlier this month. We are still on target to meet in two or months. I'm keeping myself busy by reading adoption magazines and educating myself on topics that relate to parenting and adopting. I would say I'm more anxious than anything else...it's the anticipation that is really becoming quite enjoyable and nerve wracking at the same time!
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