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I did IVF and have a beautiful 1 year-old girl. I also hope to adopt when she is older.
There should be no stigma for either.
Congrats! No, I don't think there is the same stigma as there once was. I think adoption is becoming more popular as a way to start a family for infertile couples and to build families for couples who also have biological children.
If you had a choice between IVF or Adoption, what would you choose?
Do you think there is a stigma attached to adoption?
Are you or do you know of a woman who got pregnant via IVF?
Do you or does this woman lie about how the child was conceived to hide the issue of infertility?
I have this option and I know which one I'm heavily leaning towards...I'll reveal after some comments and poll count is at a decent percent.
I'm curious what others would do/think.
Thanks!
I do not think that someone's infertility needs to be hidden, it isn't anything to be ashamed of. I have 4 children, 3 biological and one adopted. I had secondary infertility when trying to get pregnant with my 4th child and lost 4 babies. I think if I had never had children at all I would have leaned towards IVF, only because I wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth. Adoption is a wonderful option and we are very blesed with our daughter that we adopted at birth.
My wife and I had problems trying to get pregnant and after a year and a half of trying we were referred to a reproductive endo. All of our tests came back normal or better than normal. I thought this was a good thing, but it just made my wife more frustrated. We tried three IUI cycles and still nothing. Then we did IVF and, fortunately, got pregnant on the first cycle.
We were very fortunate that everything was fully covered by my insurance. It made the decision to go with IVF easy. Otherwise, I'm fairly confident we wouldn't have been able to do it, especially with no guarantees of results at nearly $15k per cycle. I certainly sympathize with couples who have to consider whether or not to pay for IVF out of pocket. I think that would be a very difficult decision, both emotionally and financially. My wife and I talked about the extent to which we would go to have a child numerous times and were on the same page. If the IVF hadn't work, we would have looked into adoption but we wanted to try and have a biological child first. Donor eggs or sperm were out of the question. As for the stigma of IVF, I think it's becoming much less common but it definitely still exists. Only a handful of people know that we went through it. It's not that we're ashamed of it, it's that we are private people who don't like sharing details of our personal life or want people to think we're looking for sympathy. Many people deal with fertility issues and many don't have a choice as to whether or not to have a biological child. I'm definitely not going to judge the decisions people make when it comes to this. Unless you are faced with it, you'll never understand how stressful and emotional it can be.
We just had our boy at the end of August and couldn't be happier. He is truly a miracle, start to finish. We only ever wanted one child and now that we have him, we plan on giving him all of our love. I wish any other couples dealing with this the best of luck.
My sister had twins through IVF on her second try. There were some leftover embryos.
She pays a few hundred bucks each year to keep them frozen b/c she is Catholic and says she would feel guilty about having them destroyed even though she's not particularly religious.
Recently, I saw a news program about an embryo adoption program where infertile couples can adopt your unused embryos. I passed the info on to her since it would be a more productive solution than keeping her embryos frozen for the rest of her life. Maybe you could look into a similar program.
I'd also recommend counseling to help you get past your guilt. It will destroy you and prevent you from being the best mother you can be for your child.
I can say that I wrestled with my emotions a bit at first knowing that we had a two good embryos left over that we didn't do anything with. We only wanted one child so we didn't choose to freeze them. If our clinic had a program like this, I probably would have chosen to do it. My wife was a little more conflicted. She didn't want to wonder if we had another biological child somewhere in the world. We are both somewhat religious, but don't agree with the church that a child conceived by IVF (or other assisted reproductive methods for that matter) is any less a gift from God than one that was naturally conceived. We will love our son the same regardless.
It's important to remember that there are no guarantees that an embryo will actually turn into a pregnancy, let alone be carried to full term - even if it was conceived naturally. I hope the woman that was having difficulties with her IVF decision gets the help she needs.
I chose IVF - I wanted to experience pregnancy again. I have a genetic condition that has a 50% chance of passing on to any children I may have. I had my first daughter with no interventions, and she did not inherit the genetic condition. However, I was lucky. I wanted to have a second child, and I found out there was a procedure called PGD, which tests the embryos to see which ones have the affected gene, and only the unaffected ones are implanted through IVF.
I am glad I did it. I know I would love a child no matter what way he or she came into our lives, but there is something very special about experiencing pregnancy.
If there is a stigma attached to any option, that is just plain sad. Both options are accepted by the people I know in real life.
Whatever option makes most sense for the family involved is the one they should choose.
We adopted our kids, they are 7 & 9 now. We didn't even consider IVF, probably because my husband was adopted and it was something that we had always talked about. I wouldn't criticize someone else for their decisions though and I certainly don't think IVF is wrong In any way, we're all different and a family is a family.
I think it would be a terrible scenario for an adopted child to wind up with parents who were dying to be pregnant.
Don't worry about what others think. There's stigma behind both and people are going to judge regardless. Boo on them.
I personally would opt for IVF. We're having trouble conceiving #2, recently went through a miscarriage and may have to see a fertility specialist if I don't get pregnant again by next month. I really want to experience the whole newborn phase again so IVF would be my next logical choice. And then after that, who knows. Hubby is more on board with adoption than I am. I need a little more soul searching to make sure I can handle all the things that come with adoption. Whole different set of things to be concerned with than if you had "your own".
I have a college friend who I found out by someone else that her child was via IVF. The college friend and I became friends on FB and we reconnected. I didn't tell her that I knew her baby was conceived via IVF. She just mentioned it in a message as we were talking about our kids and how old they were and all that good stuff you tell people you're reconnecting with about your family. She was a proud mamma and that's all that mattered to her.
At the end of the day it's all about love. If you can love your child and provide for him, it doesn't matter how that child came into your life.
My cousin adopted EIGHT kids from Africa, WAY before it was made popular by Angelina too
Everyone told her she was crazy, but I admired her for doing it. She has no kids of her own but I don't think she cares. My mom made a comment like "well doesn't she want any of her own" and I told her don't say that in front of her, it's rude.
Those kids are truly blessed, my cousin had lots of money so was able to adopt so many.
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