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View Poll Results: IVF or Adoption?
IVF 19 46.34%
Adoption 22 53.66%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 41. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 08-24-2014, 12:38 AM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,988,190 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
I hope to have an update to this thread by Christmas folks. Things are moving along after a slow crawl during the summer. I'll provide details this winter. All in all though, I'm still pleased with our decision to adopt and actually, we are now hoping to adopt an infant and a sibling group of two. (Would be nice if we were placed with an infant and a toddler.) We'll see...stay tuned!
I can't believe the time has passed so slowly yet so quickly. Well, as promised, I'm updating this thread with the news of our being placed with an infant girl last month!

Christmas came and went; we moved; and we had about six to nine months of simply no movement on our home study - . But all of that is behind us and now the real work begins!

I've moved this to Adoptions because the thread actually ended up being about that (also I don't think there was an Adoption forum when I started this thread .

For those considering Adoption, below is our abridged timeline that you might find helpful...(split into a new thread here). Although every family's case is different. I'm only listing it here as an update to bring closure to my initial post but don't want to run the risk of veering completely off-topic!

Jun 2012 - Submitted Application to Adopt
July-Sept 2012 - Attended mandatory classes; completed all paperwork and medical exams
Oct 2012 - Foster License Approved (required for adoption)
Nov 2012 - Rec'd letter that our Adoption home study would not begin until spring of 2013
Dec-Mar 2013 - Attended several classes required to maintain Foster License
Apr-May 2013 - Contacted by Adoption SW that our home study would begin in summer 2013
Jun-Jul 2013 - Began Adoption home study
Aug -Sep 2013 - Home study put on hold (we moved)
Oct 2013 - Home study completed; Foster License transferred to new home
Nov 2013 - Feb 2014 - Delay in home study finalization due to county backlog
Feb 2014 - Home study approved
Feb-Jun 2014 - Waiting, waiting, waiting...
Jul 2014 - Placed with infant girl

I'm not sure that IVF would have proven to be a shorter timeframe or any less stressful. I've had friends who have done both, and either way, it's a long and winding road that appears at first to have no end in sight. Then suddenly, you've reached your destination!

I can say that with IVF I was not guaranteed a pregnancy, and therefore, a child. With adoption, despite the wait, we have a child. So I guess in the end our choice to adopt was the best way for us to build our family.

Last edited by Jaded; 08-24-2014 at 12:47 AM.. Reason: Added Link
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Old 08-24-2014, 09:04 AM
 
195 posts, read 334,730 times
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Huge congratulations on your new daughter! I have 2 boys by adoption and life could not be better. I wish a lifetime of happiness for all of you.
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Old 08-29-2014, 08:11 AM
 
Location: S. Florida
1,100 posts, read 2,663,261 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
If you had a choice between IVF or Adoption, what would you choose?

Do you think there is a stigma attached to adoption?
Are you or do you know of a woman who got pregnant via IVF?
Do you or does this woman lie about how the child was conceived to hide the issue of infertility?

I have this option and I know which one I'm heavily leaning towards...I'll reveal after some comments and poll count is at a decent percent.

I'm curious what others would do/think.

Thanks!
I did both! My son was my IVF baby, and my daughter was adopted at birth. Both miracles and loved beyond measure!!!

Nope, no adoption stigma. I have never lied about how my son was conceived. I am not ashamed about my infertility issues (tubal factor).

Regardless of what any of the posters tell you, YOU have to decide which option is best for YOU and YOUR family. Best of luck!
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Old 08-29-2014, 06:57 PM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,671,801 times
Reputation: 5034
Congrats Jaded! You make me want to do it again
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Old 09-03-2014, 12:19 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,678 posts, read 23,274,401 times
Reputation: 48876
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
I can't believe the time has passed so slowly yet so quickly. Well, as promised, I'm updating this thread with the news of our being placed with an infant girl last month!

Christmas came and went; we moved; and we had about six to nine months of simply no movement on our home study - . But all of that is behind us and now the real work begins!

I've moved this to Adoptions because the thread actually ended up being about that (also I don't think there was an Adoption forum when I started this thread .

For those considering Adoption, below is our abridged timeline that you might find helpful...(split into a new thread here). Although every family's case is different. I'm only listing it here as an update to bring closure to my initial post but don't want to run the risk of veering completely off-topic!

Jun 2012 - Submitted Application to Adopt
July-Sept 2012 - Attended mandatory classes; completed all paperwork and medical exams
Oct 2012 - Foster License Approved (required for adoption)
Nov 2012 - Rec'd letter that our Adoption home study would not begin until spring of 2013
Dec-Mar 2013 - Attended several classes required to maintain Foster License
Apr-May 2013 - Contacted by Adoption SW that our home study would begin in summer 2013
Jun-Jul 2013 - Began Adoption home study
Aug -Sep 2013 - Home study put on hold (we moved)
Oct 2013 - Home study completed; Foster License transferred to new home
Nov 2013 - Feb 2014 - Delay in home study finalization due to county backlog
Feb 2014 - Home study approved
Feb-Jun 2014 - Waiting, waiting, waiting...
Jul 2014 - Placed with infant girl

I'm not sure that IVF would have proven to be a shorter timeframe or any less stressful. I've had friends who have done both, and either way, it's a long and winding road that appears at first to have no end in sight. Then suddenly, you've reached your destination!

I can say that with IVF I was not guaranteed a pregnancy, and therefore, a child. With adoption, despite the wait, we have a child. So I guess in the end our choice to adopt was the best way for us to build our family.

I remember this poll and I remember voting - for adoption.

My reason? Because I knew that adoption would lead to a baby. IVF may or may have not led to a baby.

Bottom line.

In my own struggles with primary infertility, followed by the easiest and most delightful pregnancy on earth, followed by the birth of a healthy baby boy, I never got to IVF as a possibility.

I did several cycles of Metrodin and Pergonal and produced few viable eggs.

Finally, after grieving the fact that I would never be pregnant again - and that is a great loss - I became pragmatic and decided to adopt. My husband was all for it. The cost did not matter, and they were similar.

However, one would yield a baby and a sister for our son. For me especially, the other was not looking good.

I could have tried donor eggs, and I was deemed a good candidate for that, but the odds of becoming pregnant was not 100%. Those were the odds I was looking for. Nothing less.

We went to the yellow pages - this was the mid 90s - and looked up "adoption agencies". As it happened there was an adoption agency in the same town where my son was born, only several miles from the hospital. This small NY state city would be "my Bethlehem".

We were greeted warmly and apprised of the many international programs that agency had to offer - Russia, Ethiopia, Ukraine, Vietnam, Korea, China, Kazakhstan, Moldova, Columbia, Estonia, Thailand, Guatemala, Poland, Cambodia, Hungary and others.

She would have gone on, but my husband cut her short. "Let me interrupt, we have a little boy", he gestured to our one year old who was playing with toys the agency provided, oblivious to the conversation that we were having. "we don't want him to grow up as an only child. Everyone we know is pregnant and on their second or third kid. Where can we adopt a baby girl the fastest?"

I was afraid that he was too rough. Too blunt. But the adoption agency representative didn't miss a beat.

"Korea" she said. "I am Korean, and our Korean program is our oldest. It is unsurpassed. You can have a baby daughter in eight months to a year. She will be under six months old".

Right then and there we signed the initial papers for the Korea program.

That night my husband surprised me. His mom would babysit our son. We were going out. The place was undisclosed to me. But it had to do with adoption. My head spun. A date night at Babys R Us? Was he flying me to Seoul?

We dropped our son in Brooklyn NY, and his doting grandma's house, and proceeded to Flushing NY in the borough of Queens. Not exactly Seoul, but one might call it "Seoul West". New York's Little Korea.

We walked down the crowded streets and I looked at the children, all the while thinking how beautiful Korean babies are. I had never noticed, nor had I ever been around so many Korean people. People bartered in Korean with street venders. A pretty little girl passed in an expensive stoller Pergo stroller. I know that she looked and me long and hard. Then she smiled.

I took it as a sign. A omen of good things to come.

After stopping at some shops and purchasing some Korean baby and toddler toys and a baby girl's Korean outfit, we dined at a Korean restaurant. We celebrated the inevitable. The odds were for once in our favor. There was a 100% chance that we would be parents to a little girl within one year.

This was in early October of 1995. In July of 1996, we met out daughter in John F. Kennedy International restaurant.

Nine months later.

Last edited by sheena12; 09-03-2014 at 12:33 PM..
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Old 09-03-2014, 02:19 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,678 posts, read 23,274,401 times
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I should add that it was JFK AIRPORT not "restaurant". I think I don't feel like cooking tonight. Freudian slip.

Her referral came in January. Another reason to celebrate the New Year!
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Old 09-03-2014, 10:39 PM
 
Location: Liberal Coast
4,277 posts, read 5,172,495 times
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There is NO guarantee that you will end up with a child when you go the adoption route. Countries close, circumstances change, etc.
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Old 09-08-2014, 12:03 AM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,988,190 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by psr13 View Post
There is NO guarantee that you will end up with a child when you go the adoption route. Countries close, circumstances change, etc.
I think the "guarantee" is that there will be a child available eventually. Some people wait years, others just months before they are able to adopt. So, there is a guarantee. There is absolutely no guarantee of a pregnancy or a child with IVF.
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Old 09-08-2014, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Liberal Coast
4,277 posts, read 5,172,495 times
Reputation: 3889
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaded View Post
I think the "guarantee" is that there will be a child available eventually. Some people wait years, others just months before they are able to adopt. So, there is a guarantee. There is absolutely no guarantee of a pregnancy or a child with IVF.
I've known too many families who didn't end up with a child after going the adoption route. There is absolutely no guarantee. You could switch countries after the country you were going through closes and have that country close. You could be waiting to be matched with a child when the country changes its rules leaving you not able to qualify anymore. Switching countries would mean nearly paying for an entirely new adoption. Yes, you are highly likely to end up with a child if you go the adoption route (especially if you're flexible), but it is definitely not a guarantee.
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Old 09-09-2014, 01:15 AM
 
1,851 posts, read 2,988,190 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by psr13 View Post
I've known too many families who didn't end up with a child after going the adoption route. There is absolutely no guarantee. You could switch countries after the country you were going through closes and have that country close. You could be waiting to be matched with a child when the country changes its rules leaving you not able to qualify anymore. Switching countries would mean nearly paying for an entirely new adoption. Yes, you are highly likely to end up with a child if you go the adoption route (especially if you're flexible), but it is definitely not a guarantee.
But you're focusing on International Adoption. There is domestic adoption, foster care adoption, voluntary relinquishments, and, safe haven babies. So why are you discussing only International? There is no guarantee with International because each country has its own rules and ultimately the final say. Domestic is totally different, and thus, there is a guarantee, just no pre-set timeframe. It may take six months, it may take six years. You never know.

Also, why did they not end up with a child? Likely because they got tired of waiting, and/or are NOT flexible.
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