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Old 01-05-2012, 05:46 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 11,724,506 times
Reputation: 19541

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It's anybody's guess why your sister is still dwelling on those past events. Yes, perhaps she is simply using them as an excuse. Perhaps she is overwhelmed with guilt and anger about them. It does sound like she needs therapy.

I know this is off topic, but I'm with the others who say it is time for you to move out. It really is....if for no other reason than to put some distance between you and the situation. If your parents really want to help your sister, they will lay down an ultimatum. That ultimatum would be, "Get some therapy and get a job." Since both of you grown ladies are living at home, I certainly hope that your adoptive parents are getting plenty of help around their place and not taking care of other adults.

You both should be exceedingly grateful that those two people took you in. Seems to me that it's time to start "paying back" instead of continuing to live off of their generosity. Perhaps if your sister sees YOU move on and become more independent, she will do the same. Obviously, your parents don't want you to be a stranger, but taking in children shouldn't mean being "saddled" with them for the rest of your lives. It's time to move on to the next phase.
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Old 01-05-2012, 07:03 AM
 
2 posts, read 1,881 times
Reputation: 10
I agree, I think my parents need to figure something out. Suppose I'm just tired of them 'enabling her' as some others have said.

In regards to me moving out, I am trying to do the smart thing and eliminate about $6000 left in school debt (originally over 30k 3 years ago) and my plan was to buy a small house or condo. I have contemplated moving out into an apartment but I am very close to having my debts behind me. I also recently did some re-financing, sold a car and bought another with 1/2 the mileage for around the same cost I sold my other car for. I lowered my interest rate, monthly gas bill and yearly insurance rate. I have a plan.
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Old 01-05-2012, 07:19 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,003 posts, read 11,724,506 times
Reputation: 19541
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aehs01 View Post
I agree, I think my parents need to figure something out. Suppose I'm just tired of them 'enabling her' as some others have said.

In regards to me moving out, I am trying to do the smart thing and eliminate about $6000 left in school debt (originally over 30k 3 years ago) and my plan was to buy a small house or condo. I have contemplated moving out into an apartment but I am very close to having my debts behind me. I also recently did some re-financing, sold a car and bought another with 1/2 the mileage for around the same cost I sold my other car for. I lowered my interest rate, monthly gas bill and yearly insurance rate. I have a plan.
Good for you! At least you're taking care of business. Hopefully, it will sink in for your sister, you know...when she sees that there are rewards for doing the right thing. Please let her see you "giving back" to your parents though. It sounds like the need and deserve a little payback.
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Old 01-05-2012, 07:37 AM
 
Location: State of Being
35,879 posts, read 77,498,031 times
Reputation: 22752
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aehs01 View Post
I agree, I think my parents need to figure something out. Suppose I'm just tired of them 'enabling her' as some others have said.

In regards to me moving out, I am trying to do the smart thing and eliminate about $6000 left in school debt (originally over 30k 3 years ago) and my plan was to buy a small house or condo. I have contemplated moving out into an apartment but I am very close to having my debts behind me. I also recently did some re-financing, sold a car and bought another with 1/2 the mileage for around the same cost I sold my other car for. I lowered my interest rate, monthly gas bill and yearly insurance rate. I have a plan.
Just wanted to commend you for creating a plan and sticking to it. I agree w/ others that you need to get out of that household as soon as you can - and that any encouragement you can give your parents to put their feet down and get your sister some therapy and a job is also a step in the right direction.

Good luck!
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Old 05-04-2012, 07:51 AM
 
Location: Suburbs Of Memphis, TN
331 posts, read 603,442 times
Reputation: 366
It seems that you are concerned for your sister and your parents, but may be a bit resentful as well. Understandably so.
Have you tried talking to your sister or your parents about these things. If they are willing to have a conversation(not arguement) with you, tell them how you feel. Make plenty of I statements stick with how you feel, not putting anyone down. But besides letting your feeling about things out, you really can't "fix" people or the situation. I agree with the others saying that it would probably be best for you to get your own place and put some distance between yourself and the drama. People will only change when they decide(for themselves) that they are tired of hitting the ground with the same situations, but they have to do it on their own and for themselves. When that time comes you can be there for support and encouragement, and though it'd probably be tough, until then it's probably best for you to keep at a distance.

I know family issues can be really tough, maybe you could benefit from some counseling as well. Best of luck to you & God Bless!!
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Old 05-08-2012, 05:16 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be.
1,189 posts, read 1,757,722 times
Reputation: 2034
Move out and move on.
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