U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Halloween!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-11-2012, 01:08 AM
Status: "The leaves are changing colors" (set 21 days ago)
 
16,455 posts, read 11,491,101 times
Reputation: 15718
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizita View Post
Brokencrayola, if you don't mind answering, how old was your child when he/she was adopted? What was your child's background and what are the symptoms? Is it improving with time?
She was adopted from birth. Her birthmother drank the first 3-4 months but she does not have FAS or FAE, although I certainly think it affected her on some level. Her birthmother did not want her and would say how she hated her when she was pregnant and she would walk into doorways because she said the baby did not like it and kicked back. RAD is very difficult to deal with and very difficult to treat. She has not gotten better at all and I worry as she heads toward puberty (she is 9 now) what we are in for. She lies constantly, many times over things there is no reason to lie about. She steals from others and destroys other peoples things and doesn't act like she feels any remorse. She has a great deal of problems socializing and trouble trusting anyone or opening up at all. Intellectually she is fine, maybe above average, but it is like having a toddler around the house. You have to look for her right away if she disappears and it gets quiet, she gets into things all the time and leaves a mess wherever she goes. She is hyperactive (ADHD), resists authority, sneaks food even though she is never denied food, bossy, self-abusive, will not open up in therapy, and can be physically aggressive with kids at school and one of her brothers. The thing that really stands out is the lying, it is nuts, it is constant. The prognosis is not as good with these children as many other psychological problems.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-11-2012, 07:31 AM
 
1,626 posts, read 376,509 times
Reputation: 295
Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola View Post
I don't understand what you mean, why is it evil to adopt from Russia?
Because Russian orphans are financed way-way-way better than some others, including Russians outside Russia.

Example (numbers are not real):

Total state and private expenditure on one Russian orphan - $600,000.
In some other country - $100,000.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-11-2012, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Warren, OH
1,616 posts, read 1,072,613 times
Reputation: 2906
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
most kids in orphanages all over the world are booted out around 14-18. This is not particular to Eastern european countries.
No it is not peculiar to them. Children age out of foster care in the US too.
They often graduate to the prison system.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2012, 09:40 AM
 
1,330 posts, read 724,161 times
Reputation: 2465
Quote:
Originally Posted by russiaonline View Post
Why in the world spending a lot of time and money to adopt a child from Russia when there's poor pro-American Ukraine full of ethnic Russian kids?

The expenditure in Russian kid's shelters is a few thousand bucks a month per child, not including donations. Plus uni (free) admission in the 1st round, plus free appartment ($100,000) - it's guaranteed only by law and not always in reality, but still.

It's simply evil to adopt a child from Russia. No matter how sad they may be - in some other countries things are a lot worse.
Giving a child a happy home is the ultimate goal--whether the child comes from the US system or any other country. The only reason why my spouse and I picked Russia eight years ago was because we thought it would be easier and faster---haha. I was medically disqualified from some other countries due to a previous illness. I don't see anything evil about what we did. And until you visited the orphanage our kids came from, keep your judgments to yourself please.

If I knew about "poor pro-American Ukraine" when we adopted, we probably would have looked there. Didn't even know it was an option at the time.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-18-2012, 02:10 PM
 
3,381 posts, read 2,393,811 times
Reputation: 5436
It is certainly not "evil" to adopt an orphaned child from any background! Potential adoptive parents should go wherever their children happen to be - and that includes Russia, if parents are so moved.

Russia's laws are commendable - how's the enforcement? How many of those rubles go for the well-being of the orphans and how many goes to corrupt individuals in various places along the line? Do you know what happens to orphaned kids with special needs who reach the age of four - or seven - or sixteen in Russia? Do you know about the mental institutions housing children and adults with all manner of special needs (and a good many with no special needs whatsoever)?

Yes, there have been horror stories from orphanages and institutions in other countries in eastern Europe. I strongly urge all readers to educate themselves about it, and to do whatever their hearts are moved to do in response. But that doesn't make Russia's orphanage system ideal, not by a long shot. Being better funded than similar places in other countries is just a number on a very, very sad scale...

No child should grow up in an orphanage, in any country. No child should be sent to a mental institution at the age of four, either.

No orphanage system is ideal, anywhere. That's why I support adoption. It's not about a country, or patriotism, or one country vs. any other country - it's about children who need families.

See Reece's Rainbow (computer won't let me link URL) for more information about the hundreds of beautiful children with special needs in orphanages in many countries around the world. Reece's Rainbow is a non-profit special needs adoption ministry which focuses on, but is not limited to children with Down syndrome. It is not an adoption agency, but helps connect waiting children with families through grants, advocacy, and assistance to families both in the preadoption phase and in-country, as well as after the adoption is completed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-19-2012, 05:34 PM
 
10,913 posts, read 9,145,018 times
Reputation: 15757
Quote:
Originally Posted by russiaonline View Post
Because Russian orphans are financed way-way-way better than some others, including Russians outside Russia.

Example (numbers are not real):

Total state and private expenditure on one Russian orphan - $600,000.
In some other country - $100,000.
I'm not sure what you are talking about, but are you prepared to say that you would rather people NOT adopt Russian kids, with the full knowledge that most children who are not adopted wind up as inmates. prostitutes, suicide or crime victims or perpetrators. Is THIS what you think is BETTER?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-21-2012, 09:09 AM
 
1,626 posts, read 376,509 times
Reputation: 295
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linmora View Post
The only reason why my spouse and I picked Russia eight years ago
8 years ago things were a lot worse (but laws for foreign adopters were a lot better). Everything changed.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-21-2012, 09:16 AM
 
1,626 posts, read 376,509 times
Reputation: 295
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
Russia's laws are commendable - how's the enforcement? How many of those rubles go for the well-being of the orphans and how many goes to corrupt individuals in various places along the line?
Russia is ruled by a Stalin-wannabe. Putin really pales in comparison, but almost universal corruption is long gone.

Quote:
Do you know what happens to orphaned kids with special needs
These kids are rarely adopted.

Quote:
But that doesn't make Russia's orphanage system ideal, not by a long shot.
Absolutely.

Quote:
Being better funded than similar places in other countries is just a number on a very, very sad scale...
But it's a very important number. It doesn't just come to toys and pretty walls, but everything a child may need, including a number of employees per child, and graduation benefits, which are extremely important.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-21-2012, 09:19 AM
 
1,626 posts, read 376,509 times
Reputation: 295
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I'm not sure what you are talking about, but are you prepared to say that you would rather people NOT adopt Russian kids
This is not a place to say: "do what's best for Russia". For foreign adopters Russia is just a country, but with tough adoption laws (for foreigners), and extreme (by world standards) financing of orphans.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-21-2012, 05:01 PM
 
3,381 posts, read 2,393,811 times
Reputation: 5436
Not only are children with special needs rarely adopted after age four in Russia and much of the rest of Eastern Europe, but it is common for them to be sent to isolated adult-level mental institutions, where they receive no therapies or education, very limited health care, and often develop institutional autism due to lack of appropriate stimulation and attention. Many die for lack of care. I know of cases where a little boy with arthrogryposis, which affects his ability to move his limbs but not his intellect, was sent to such a place after he left the baby house orphanage - he was the first child ever adopted from there and is doing extremely well, has begun to receive the various surgeries necessary to treat his condition, and is thriving in a very loving American family. I know of a little girl with Down syndrome who was on the sixth floor of a Bulgarian orphanage with other children with special needs. Her only special need was the Down syndrome, which did not include any complications such as heart problems. She was adopted last summer, at age nine and a half - weighing FOURTEEN POUNDS! She was left in her crib 24/7 and her body ceased to grow due to lack of nutrition. She was taken to a very good children's hospital immediately from the airport as soon as she and her family cleared customs. Now home with her loving American family, she has grown about six inches since last fall, has gained weight, will soon be walking independently, and is a very happy, beautiful little girl who appears to be about three years old now. The doctors are unable to predict what her adult height will be, as they had never seen a case like hers. Thankfully, the woman who was responsible for such horrific abuse is gone, and many of the children whom she abused have received medical care at last.

Other cases are everywhere in eastern Europe - take a look at the recent BBC documentary, "Ukraine's Forgotten Children", now on YouTube, and see what one of the "better" institutions is like. Better in that it has a very caring director and little corruption, terrible in the lack of appropriate health care and education for those orphaned children and adults with special needs who live out their lives in this isolated, rural, underfunded place.

You are right that such places and attitudes are a hold-over from Soviet days - people with special needs were viewed as of no use to the state, hence of no value in any way and expendible. Parents of children with special needs were urged to give up custody at birth and to go on with their lives. It is a true tragedy, both for the children who suffer such negligence, and for the society which cannot benefit by the inclusion of all people into its daily life. Thankfully, there are non-profits, both in this country and elsewhere, who are working hard to change things. Reece's Rainbow is one such non-profit, Bible Orphan Ministry, based in Ukraine itself, is another I can recommend. Founded by a graduate of the orphanage system, BOM is making a difference in small ways and changing lives in-country. Those who are disturbed by the conditions described who would prefer to assist the children who never are adopted, either domestically or internationally, might want to consider BOM, which is a smaller organization but very effective and very worthy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top