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Old 04-19-2012, 11:41 AM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,068,937 times
Reputation: 5546

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I think if the son wants to meet your daughter then you should tell her the truth yourself and let them meet. While it might cause some waves it will end up for the best in the end i feel.
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Old 04-20-2012, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be.
1,189 posts, read 1,509,185 times
Reputation: 2030
IMO...its not your business. Your husband should let your daughter know when he is ready. If he is not ready or willing to have a relationship with his son, then why should he tell your daughter she has a brother? It will just upset her that she can't meet him. When the time is right, your husband should be the one to tell her. He seems as though he is harboring alot of guilt and has anguished over this for years. It is a very strange situation, I agree, but adding to his sadness isn't helping.

And if you are close to divorce because of something that really isn't your decision to make and happened well before you even met your husband, then I am sorry about the fact that you let it get so far. Your daughter is very young. Let it go, maybe bring it up again in a couple of years when she can better understand. I'm sorry, this is not your decision to make.

Good luck with everything and I hope you can salvage your marriage.
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Old 04-20-2012, 02:00 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,472 posts, read 43,558,753 times
Reputation: 47208
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamingomo View Post
IMO...its not your business. Your husband should let your daughter know when he is ready. If he is not ready or willing to have a relationship with his son, then why should he tell your daughter she has a brother? It will just upset her that she can't meet him. When the time is right, your husband should be the one to tell her. He seems as though he is harboring alot of guilt and has anguished over this for years. It is a very strange situation, I agree, but adding to his sadness isn't helping.

And if you are close to divorce because of something that really isn't your decision to make and happened well before you even met your husband, then I am sorry about the fact that you let it get so far. Your daughter is very young. Let it go, maybe bring it up again in a couple of years when she can better understand. I'm sorry, this is not your decision to make.

Good luck with everything and I hope you can salvage your marriage.
I completely disagree. This affects HER DAUGHTER and not telling her about this brother can come around to bite her in the future. Obviously father cannot face the situation and since it affects HER DAUGHTER she has a responsibility to tell her.

Guess we will have to agree to disagree on this.
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Old 04-20-2012, 02:32 PM
 
Location: North America
14,210 posts, read 10,068,937 times
Reputation: 5546
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamingomo View Post
IMO...its not your business. Your husband should let your daughter know when he is ready. If he is not ready or willing to have a relationship with his son, then why should he tell your daughter she has a brother? It will just upset her that she can't meet him. When the time is right, your husband should be the one to tell her. He seems as though he is harboring alot of guilt and has anguished over this for years. It is a very strange situation, I agree, but adding to his sadness isn't helping.

And if you are close to divorce because of something that really isn't your decision to make and happened well before you even met your husband, then I am sorry about the fact that you let it get so far. Your daughter is very young. Let it go, maybe bring it up again in a couple of years when she can better understand. I'm sorry, this is not your decision to make.

Good luck with everything and I hope you can salvage your marriage.
And what happens if grown man contacts his little sister on his own how is that gonna turn out better. This guy needs to grow up and take responsibility guilt or not he cannot just run away again.
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Old 04-20-2012, 02:44 PM
 
9,173 posts, read 7,032,243 times
Reputation: 11146
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamingomo View Post
IMO...its not your business. Your husband should let your daughter know when he is ready. If he is not ready or willing to have a relationship with his son, then why should he tell your daughter she has a brother? It will just upset her that she can't meet him. When the time is right, your husband should be the one to tell her. He seems as though he is harboring alot of guilt and has anguished over this for years. It is a very strange situation, I agree, but adding to his sadness isn't helping.

And if you are close to divorce because of something that really isn't your decision to make and happened well before you even met your husband, then I am sorry about the fact that you let it get so far. Your daughter is very young. Let it go, maybe bring it up again in a couple of years when she can better understand. I'm sorry, this is not your decision to make.

Good luck with everything and I hope you can salvage your marriage.
As soon as the dad decided to have a child with the OP it became her business. The OP now has secrets between herself and her child. The OP is actually the one who should have the say, because the OP has been in the position of lying to her own child by omission.

If the dad wanted to keep the secret all to himself, he should never have made a family that's now related to said secret.
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Old 04-20-2012, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,302,020 times
Reputation: 39844
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flamingomo View Post
IMO...its not your business. Your husband should let your daughter know when he is ready. If he is not ready or willing to have a relationship with his son, then why should he tell your daughter she has a brother? It will just upset her that she can't meet him. When the time is right, your husband should be the one to tell her. He seems as though he is harboring alot of guilt and has anguished over this for years. It is a very strange situation, I agree, but adding to his sadness isn't helping.

And if you are close to divorce because of something that really isn't your decision to make and happened well before you even met your husband, then I am sorry about the fact that you let it get so far. Your daughter is very young. Let it go, maybe bring it up again in a couple of years when she can better understand. I'm sorry, this is not your decision to make.

Good luck with everything and I hope you can salvage your marriage.
HIS daughter??

I do believe the child is our OP's daughter too

And our OP is right for wanting to head off trouble down the road by being proactive now.
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Old 04-21-2012, 11:14 AM
Caa Caa started this thread
 
936 posts, read 2,210,801 times
Reputation: 258
thanks so much, we had a big talk last night and he thinks we tell her when she is 12 years old, I say that is too long to wait, I am willing to maybe wait another year when she is 10 1/2. He is still mad at me and I am going to suggest therapy for him if he is this upset....you all are great support and I think you so much-will keep you posted on this situation!
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Old 04-21-2012, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,472 posts, read 43,558,753 times
Reputation: 47208
glad you had the talk but what you want to bet when she turns 12 he will think it better to wait till she is 14 and on and on it goes. 12 means she is starting her period, in middle school all the ravages of puberty and this will be a bigger deal then it is now. just saying.....
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Old 04-21-2012, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,302,020 times
Reputation: 39844
Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
glad you had the talk but what you want to bet when she turns 12 he will think it better to wait till she is 14 and on and on it goes. 12 means she is starting her period, in middle school all the ravages of puberty and this will be a bigger deal then it is now. just saying.....
COMPLETELY agree
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Old 04-21-2012, 04:03 PM
 
18,856 posts, read 31,600,659 times
Reputation: 26107
This is drama. Let it lie until it needs to be brought up, if ever.
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