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Not at all. I'm sorry if you took it that way but I really don't see it that way. It's normal to have emotional issues after years of abuse and physical issues after years of medical neglect.
My only reason to point that a lot of older kids do come with more severe medical and emotional problems is so that they can be acknowledged and parents can be supportive in helping their child heal from that kind of a past, and treat any medical conditions that are present. Medical and emotional neglect, even out of genuine ignorance, still has really negative effects on a child. So adoptive parents do have to be aware of what they might be jumping into, so that if their child does end up having any sort of emotional or physical disabilities, they can go about it in a healthy way.
For example, parent who realizes their child is deaf and learns sign language will be much better off than one who denies their child's deafness and refuses to teach them or learn a language that would give their child full communication access. Children with emotional disabilities like attachment disorders, anxiety disorders, depression, etc. can all get psychiatric help so that they can be treated and those children can be allowed to thrive. Parents who try to paint an all rosy picture of adoption, often unintentionally neglect the other side of things, and therefore don't provide their child with basic needs. So parents need to be cognizant of what's going on so that they don't unintentionally neglect their child's needs.
Each person is a human and has so much to offer, and has the right to be able to offer that to the world. A parent in denial will be allowing a child's disabilities (emotional or physical) to become obstacles instead of letting their child flourish to their fullest potential. But disability is just that--a mindset that can be overcome if everyone is just willing to recognize what is right in front of them and just figure out another way to their goals and aspirations.
I know "online" a whole mess of people who have adopted older children from Eastern Europe. Yes, most of them had attachment issues at first, but most of them worked through those issues.
I know "online" a whole mess of people who have adopted older children from Eastern Europe. Yes, most of them had attachment issues at first, but most of them worked through those issues.
That's great. And it probably started with them acknowledging there was an attachment disorder in the first place. I'm just saying parents who don't already need to acknowledge what's there so they can work through it.
It should be noted that attachment disorder(s) can range from minor to major. Adoptive parents of children from anywhere, be it this country or elsewhere, would do well to educate themselves prior to committing to adoption. Some attachment issues can be slight enough to be overcome fairly easily, while others may require years of therapy and close monitoring of the child's behavior. Restructuring the child's new environment can help considerably - many families deliberately "hibernate" for several weeks upon first coming home, in order not to overwhelm the child with too much stimulus, too many new faces, etc. Others do a cannon-ball into the deep end, and their children often do just as well. It all depends on each individual situation.
That's great. And it probably started with them acknowledging there was an attachment disorder in the first place. I'm just saying parents who don't already need to acknowledge what's there so they can work through it.
Fine, but your posts came across as, "All kids adopted for EE will have serious attachment issues and will try to kill you in your sleep." While you may not have meant that, that's how they came across. I think it's very important for prospective adoptive parents to know about attachment problems, but they also need to know that they very often can be overcome. It tends to either be all perfect or all horrific when talking about this issue, and that isn't helpful.
I can understand what you're saying with foster kids, having been in the system yourself. Obviously I've seen a much darker side with the woman I married who grew up in the foster system. But if from your experience you've seen that most foster kids have a more positive experience, that's great, and I really am happy to hear that.
That said, I've worked with hundreds of kids who were adopted from Eastern Europe, as well as other countries, and a lot of them, especially the older ones, do have severe problems like the ones I mentioned. Not just a few--most of them. I don't think they are damaged goods--I don't believe anyone is--I just think that people need to be informed about all the possible outcomes before going into something like foster parenting or international adoption.
Things can turn out well, or they can turn out horribly. Chances are it'll be a mix, like most things in life.
It would be odd if a child adopted from an orphanage in another country didn't have some kind of problems and many certainly do have attachment issues. But I still don't believe that the majority have severe problems like the ones described about the Russian boy who was sent back to Russia by his adoptive mother. Those kind of problems are not the norm with adoptive kids or foster kids. Are many of the kids troubled? Yes. Are they violent maniacs? No. Definitely not.
It would be odd if a child adopted from an orphanage in another country didn't have some kind of problems and many certainly do have attachment issues. But I still don't believe that the majority have severe problems like the ones described about the Russian boy who was sent back to Russia by his adoptive mother. Those kind of problems are not the norm with adoptive kids or foster kids. Are many of the kids troubled? Yes. Are they violent maniacs? No. Definitely not.
And I don't think the majority have severe problems like the kid who was sent back to Russia. I don't think most adopted children are violent maniacs. I don't see where I said that anywhere, and I apologize if what I was saying came across that way at any point.
Quote:
Originally Posted by psr13
Fine, but your posts came across as, "All kids adopted for EE will have serious attachment issues and will try to kill you in your sleep." While you may not have meant that, that's how they came across. I think it's very important for prospective adoptive parents to know about attachment problems, but they also need to know that they very often can be overcome. It tends to either be all perfect or all horrific when talking about this issue, and that isn't helpful.
I was adopted from Russia myself. I am by no means trying to portray all Russian/EE orphans as violent maniacs that will kill you in your sleep. I don't understand how anything I said comes anywhere even close to that, but please let me clarify by saying that is not at all what I was implying. My only point is to be educated about adoption before going into it, including researching some of the disabilities your child might have (to any degree, not necessarily always a severe degree).
Last edited by nimchimpsky; 06-11-2012 at 04:25 PM..
no kudzu (and anyone else who may be able to assist),
We've certified w an adoption agency/social worker in our state(Ohio). The kids available through them is appx 20 (no joke). This agency places kids that are very difficult to place. We were not aware of this at the time we began pursuing adoption.
We are planning to switch our homestudy to another agency, but were told that we have to wait one year before we can transfer. The fee to xfer the homestudy will be about $1500. We are interested in adopting older kids around 9-12. We have children and don't want kids who are too difficult to fit in with the family. Any suggestions?
Are you open to an international adoption? If you are interested in adopting a child who is over the age of three, I may have a suggestion.
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