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Old 05-17-2012, 09:46 AM
 
20 posts, read 17,261 times
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Hi, we're starting to look into adoption. We have heard about those so called agencies that take your money and run, so we're looking into reputable places. On our state website, they list links to adoption agencies. We're in NY state.

But it seems that any place we call to get the starting information, it seems like we're pulling teeth. Seems that the people we reach on the phone (a lot of times we don't reach anyone), they don't know anything. We're not asking for answers to quantum physics questions, just your basic starting out information.

We either get "I don't know" or "call back later" or "call this number".

Is this normal? Are we doing something wrong? We really want to do this.

If I handled calls like this in my job, I'd be fired.

This is very frustrating.
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Old 05-17-2012, 10:14 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,472 posts, read 43,558,753 times
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a lot of agencies don't have offices per se. They hire case workers and others to do home studies and it just isn't feasible for a real office. however they definitely should have a website and if the person answering the phone doesn't direct you to a website then something is wrong. also you might post in your areas forum of even google NY Adoptions.

you are right to be wary and I recommend you do a great deal of research not only for your location but adoption in particular.

you need to know if you want open or closed, domestic or international, infant or older child, what race or combinations of races you are looking for. are you looking for special needs child? usually long waiting lists for Down Syndrome children.

You need to be ready for a homestudy with very personal questions, financial records, health records, law enforcement records and on and on it goes.
Get started doing as much research as you can on your own so you know what questions to ask the agencies you interview. you really need to be an extremely informed "consumer- yes it is a business- or you will end up in a great deal of heartache.

good luck and if you are getting frustrated just trying to get starter information you are in for a world of frustration. adoption, no matter how you do it is not for the faint of heart. Pour yourself a huge cup of patience.
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Old 05-18-2012, 08:02 AM
 
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Yes I have started researching agencies. We do know what we want, domestic, race and infant.

Yes I am getting the impression that the agencies are not the "caring" type. You'd think they would be but just the responses we get on the phone (if we get a hold of someone) are more like "why are you bothering me?"
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Old 05-18-2012, 09:12 AM
 
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Adoption.com has some good forums and someone could probably suggest a good agency. Best of luck!
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Old 05-18-2012, 12:17 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,472 posts, read 43,558,753 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mlc2 View Post
Yes I have started researching agencies. We do know what we want, domestic, race and infant.

Yes I am getting the impression that the agencies are not the "caring" type. You'd think they would be but just the responses we get on the phone (if we get a hold of someone) are more like "why are you bothering me?"
I'm sure there are some kind caring folks involved in adoption but I haven't seen them. I used to think anybody involved in adoption would be so great and would love children but the ones I've been involved were in it for the money. I was very naive.

I had 3 lost referrals which never should have been given to me in the first place but they were because they were afraid we would go somewhere else. Even given pictures and in two cases held the children on my lap telling them I would be back to take them home. Two days later "Oops, these girls aren't available after all. Let's drive over to another province to see what they have over there."

Sat with 2 prospective mothers at lunch when one pulled out the picture of her soon to be adopted daughter. Woman sitting beside her gasped and pulled out the same picture of child she was supposed to get. What a nightmare. Turns out the child was never available for adoption but photographed so well agency used her picture several times and would dismiss it by saying "Oh you know how children change over time. this picture is a year old".

My agency lost it's license while I was in Vietnam and my facilitator was deported for baby selling. Main reason why no more US/Vietnam adoptions and probably won't be in my lifetime. Don't think this doesn't happen domestically as well.

Having said all that I can say adoption is a wonderful way to start or add to your family and many folks are telling stories of flawless experiences.My own doctor just adopted domestically after only 2 months on the waiting list. They are thrilled.

Just be ready for anything.
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Old 05-18-2012, 03:16 PM
 
400 posts, read 474,067 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mlc2 View Post
Yes I have started researching agencies. We do know what we want, domestic, race and infant.

Yes I am getting the impression that the agencies are not the "caring" type. You'd think they would be but just the responses we get on the phone (if we get a hold of someone) are more like "why are you bothering me?"
This is a wonderful organization for domestic infant adoption that my dear friends are in process for the second time with. You create a lifebook which the birthmoms look through and choose a family for their baby. The organization is especially geared toward helping the birth moms before during and after the birth and they also have mentoring programs for adoptive parents. You would have to travel to Oklahoma though, however I know people in many states do it because there are few organizations quite like this one.

Crisis Pregnancy Outreach
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Old 05-18-2012, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,472 posts, read 43,558,753 times
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One thing people don't understand about domestic adoption is that You do not have a use an adoption agency in the state where you live. Your home study has to be done by licensed social worker in your state but don't limit yourself to only the ones in your home state.
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Old 05-18-2012, 05:41 PM
 
1,190 posts, read 1,417,141 times
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no kudzu (and anyone else who may be able to assist),

We've certified w an adoption agency/social worker in our state(Ohio). The kids available through them is appx 20 (no joke). This agency places kids that are very difficult to place. We were not aware of this at the time we began pursuing adoption.

We are planning to switch our homestudy to another agency, but were told that we have to wait one year before we can transfer. The fee to xfer the homestudy will be about $1500. We are interested in adopting older kids around 9-12. We have children and don't want kids who are too difficult to fit in with the family. Any suggestions?
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Old 05-18-2012, 07:37 PM
 
97 posts, read 246,510 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winterbird View Post

We are planning to switch our homestudy to another agency, but were told that we have to wait one year before we can transfer. The fee to xfer the homestudy will be about $1500. We are interested in adopting older kids around 9-12. We have children and don't want kids who are too difficult to fit in with the family. Any suggestions?
If you want to adopt older children you should go through your state DSS (Department of Social Services). They will do your homestudy for free. They will be able to match you with a foster child that meets your criteria. You will not need to foster you can just do a straight adoption. Your out of pocked with the state will be zero. They pay for homestudy, attorneys fees, etc. In many cases, especially in an older child, you will get a monthly stipend as well. Do not pay any fees to adopt an older child.
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Old 05-18-2012, 08:18 PM
 
1,190 posts, read 1,417,141 times
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Can a family get a second homestudy if they are recently approved through an agency?
Would you recommend that over paying the transfer fee?
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