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Old 06-11-2012, 05:47 PM
 
10,452 posts, read 10,248,693 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizita View Post
I still don't think it's stupid to ask someone if they remember something from their childhood. It's just curiosity and I don't think you can expect everyone else to instinctively know what you are comfortable talking about or not. Sure, if someone is clearly not wanting to talk about something and you keep pushing or asking intrusive questions, that's rude. But most people don't know "adoption etiquette" or that there even is such a thing.
I think my post made it pretty clear that I don't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky
I understand if they don't realize what they're asking, so I usually give them some answer like [body cringing, eyes wincing] "I remember some things. [in a clear, obvious way] So anyway..." But it's when they push the question, that I really don't get how they don't realize they're being insensitive.
As you said, "if someone is clearly not wanting to talk about something and you keep pushing or asking intrusive questions, that's rude." That's exactly what people do that I find to be insensitive. Asking the first time I don't mind--it's when they push the matter after my obviously adverse reaction that I start to mind.

Quote:
I had a friend growing up who was adopted from Guatemala at age 4 and had plenty of memories from Guatemala and talked about it a lot, good and bad. A current friend of mine has kids who were adopted from an orphanage in Bulgaria and the eldest had a little show and tell thing in her school about where she was from and the orphanage she had been in, complete with pictures and stuff she had brought with her from Bulgaria. She's showed me all that stuff too and is definitely not shy or reluctant to talk about it. It's just a part of who she is. Clearly people are different and not everyone would think it was stupid if they were asked if they remembered the time before they were adopted. Although orphanages are often horrible places to be not all the children are abused and there is no way for others to know that someone was abused in their orphanage and that it's a touchy subject. So I don't believe it's fair to judge someone as stupid or insensitive for asking a question they have no way of knowing is considered by you to be stupid or is against adoption etiquette.
If someone brings a topic up, that's completely different from prying. If someone wants to tell me about how amazing the sex they had last night was, that's their prerogative. But it would still be rude for me to insist they tell me, especially if they had given me clear signals that they didn't want to talk about it (cringing, wincing, giving a short answer and abruptly changing the topic).

I think you should read my posts several times before replying cause you often skip over chunks of my posts and then accuse me of saying things I never said, or tell me I should have at least qualified what I said with "this" or "that"--which is usually in the chunk of text you overlooked.
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Old 06-11-2012, 07:33 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,663 posts, read 21,846,142 times
Reputation: 44634
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizita View Post
Why is it awkward or stupid to ask someone if they remember the orphanage they were in as a small child?
Yes it is.

I am similarly rude when asked about my daughter's parents.

1. WE are her parents.
2. Anything about the woman who gave birth to my daughter is her information, not mine.
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