Why are adopted teens more likely to have emotional and behavioral problems? (options, first time)

[nimchimpsky]

Originally Posted by no kudzu

I'd like to see those studies. Almost every teen has anger problems. It comes with the hormones. My grown adopted daughter had/has very little tolerance for teens who blame everything little thing wrong in their lives on the fact they were adopted. She had an adopted friend who blamed all her problems on being adopted and my daughter would say to me "Doesn't she realize how blessed she is? How many more problems she would have if she HADN'T been placed for adoption?"

We taught all our adopted children that being adopted was the best thing to ever happen to them, to see it as a loving act from a family who just could not give them the kind of lives they deserved. I never told them they were "given up for adoption". I told them their birth families made the best plans available for them so they would not suffer from poverty or hunger or neglect. I taught them that they were with us only because of the love and selflessness of some very good people.


More than once my grown daughter has thanked me (us) for giving her the kind of life she knew she was so fortunate to have. She never went through drugs or drinking or evil boyfriends or rebellion. We certainly had some mother/daughter angst but that happens in all families, adopted or not.

I never got into drugs, alcohol, or sex either. I did have issues related to being adopted but not the usual "teen stuff"--more like C-PTSD and an attachment disorder. Sure I went through some of the usual teen stuff--gossip, bullying, but it had nothing to do with being adopted.

I am so glad that my family adopted me--especially when I read threads like Moscow Bans Gay Pride for 100 Years. When I visited, I found out that a lot of the Russians I would have grown up around were racist--through comments like "Blacks have ugly lips" and "I would never date a n------." Thank God I don't live in Russia! I am lesbian and have lots of Black friends and family. More likely than not, I'd probably be shoved deep into the closet and raised to be racist too. That isn't even getting started on the lack of medical care I would have. I probably wouldn't have never had any eyesight at all. As someone who loves colors, the fact that I grew up being able to see colors and I remember what they look like very vividly means a lot to me. And of course, it goes without saying that I wouldn't have the loving family and emotional support network I have here, and the chance to go to college and pursue my interests and work towards my goals and dreams. I am SO grateful for having been adopted, I don't even know where to begin. I can't relate to adopted kids who don't appreciate their new circumstances.

[Lizita]

Originally Posted by sheena12

YES! You really are.

My daughter is an honors student, a cheerleader and gymnast. She is popular. She does not want particularly to visit the country in which she was born.

She is happy that she was adopted.

How does that disprove what I said? That your daughter did well doesn't prove that adopted kids are proportionally more likely to have psychosocial problems. Neither does the fact, as you pointed out, that more non-adopted kids have problems. Of course that's the case since there are a lot more non-adopted kids out there. Still, adopted kids are more likely than non-adopted kids to have problems during their teen years and early adulthood.

[Lizita]

Originally Posted by no kudzu

I'd like to see those studies. Almost every teen has anger problems. It comes with the hormones. My grown adopted daughter had/has very little tolerance for teens who blame everything little thing wrong in their lives on the fact they were adopted. She had an adopted friend who blamed all her problems on being adopted and my daughter would say to me "Doesn't she realize how blessed she is? How many more problems she would have if she HADN'T been placed for adoption?"

The issue I'm talking about is not that adopted kids blame their problems on being adopted or that they have anger problems which is, like you say, often due to hormonal issues. There was a big study done in Sweden some years ago where they looked at the kids who were in care of social services due to behavioral problems (drugs, crime, running away and other "problem behaviors"), kids who were admitted to drug treatment clinics, and young people in jails and prisons. They found that the number of adopted kids in these facilities was proportionally larger than they were in the population in general. I read a book about the topic a few years ago that included this study as well as others. I should be able to dig some of them up if someone wants to see for themselves.

[Lizita]

Originally Posted by nimchimpsky

Out of curiosity, was your aunt's family open about the fact she was adopted? I have heard that in families where the adoptive parents are secretive about it, the adopted child often feels traumatized when they find out later that they were adopted. I can understand (if that is the case with your aunt) why because the secrecy adds stigma and shame to something that I personally feel parents should be open, honest, and proud about.

She's always known she was adopted. She looks very different than the rest of her family so it's rather obvious. She's pretty dark complected and had brown hair and brown eyes while the rest of the family are all blond and blue eyed. The parents have a bio son who looks a lot like his parents so she does stick out. I'm sure that fact didn't help.

[sheena12]

Lizita, with all do respect, I don't think you are a fan of, or an expert on adoption.

You have a relative whose child was removed from her care because she had an abusive boyfriend.

You think the relative who permitted this man ( who YOU called "an animal") into her life should be given a second chance or a third. I do not.

Teenagers find many reasons to act out. I have seen no reliable stats that say that they do anymore than any other teens.

And not all - NONE who I know, are interested in their FOOs.
(families of origin)

[Lizita]

Originally Posted by sheena12

Lizita, with all do respect, I don't think you are a fan of, or an expert on adoption.

You have a relative whose child was removed from her care because she had an abusive boyfriend.

You think the relative who permitted this man ( who YOU called "an animal") into her life should be given a second chance or a third. I do not.

No, you think the boy should have been raised in a state run orphanage rather than home with his mom where he is now and is doing great.

[sheena12]

I think state run homes with a goal to a FAMILY, rather than reunification is an idea that needs to be looked at more closely.

I know nothing about this child, except what you posted.

You posted that his mother chose a violent man as her boyfriend and stayed apparently long enough for it to come to the attention of the authorities.

That is scary to me! That is more than a bad date. She brought someone into her child's life who was not safe.

Out of selfishness, loneliness, or disregard. My kids are teens. yes I am married. But NO ONE, NO adult has or will come into THEIR lives who I do not know completely and trust.

There are even some family member I feel that way about. The relationship is not direct. It is through my husband and myself. And it is limited.

Strange adults do not spend time with my kids, nor do they sleep at my home. PERIOD!

[Lizita]

Originally Posted by sheena12

I think state run homes with a goal to a FAMILY, rather than reunification is an idea that needs to be looked at more closely.

I know nothing about this child, except what you posted.

You posted that his mother chose a violent man as her boyfriend and stayed apparently long enough for it to come to the attention of the authorities.

That is scary to me! That is more than a bad date. She brought someone into her child's life who was not safe.

Out of selfishness, loneliness, or disregard. My kids are teens. yes I am married. But NO ONE, NO adult has or will come into THEIR lives who I do not know completely and trust.

There are even some family member I feel that way about. The relationship is not direct. It is through my husband and myself. And it is limited.

Strange adults do not spend time with my kids, nor do they sleep at my home. PERIOD!

What makes you think he was a strange adult? Her boyfriend is the child's father, not some random guy who came into their home. They had been together for three years before they decided to have a baby and he had never shown any sign of violence or any other problems. The mother did nothing wrong. She left the baby with his dad while she went to work. She does not deserve to lose her child forever when she's done nothing wrong and there is no reason to doubt her ability to be a good parent to her child. It would certainly not be in the child's best interest either to be taken away from his family, possibly to spend the rest of his life in foster care, when he has a perfectly capable mother.

[Lizita]

The article linked to below talk about the issue this thread is, or at least was, about. The following quote gets to the point:
"Although adoptees make up only 2 to 3 percent of the population, statistics consistently indicate that 30 to 40 percent of those children found in special schools, juvenile hall and residential treatment centers are adopted. Adopted children have a higher incidence of juvenile delinquency, sexual promiscuity and running away from home than their non-adopted peers. They also have more difficulty in school, both academically and socially."

You can read the rest of the article here:

Keep Your Baby - Celebrating Natural Families! - Primal Wound

ETA: The article is posted on an anti-adoption website. Despite what some think I'm definitely not anti-adoption. I linked to the site because the article talks about the issue I've talked about in this thread, not because I support the message of the site.

[bumpus7]

Originally Posted by Lizita

Several studies have shown that kids who were adopted are a bit more likely than non-adopted kids to have psychosocial problems such as drug use, juvenile delinquency, and other self destructive behavior during their teen years and early adulthood. This seems to be the case with adopted kids in general, even those who were adopted as babies and have no memory of their life prior to adoption. Having had good, loving adoptive parents doesn't seem to change the outcome much either. I really wonder why that is. What is it that troubles these kids so much that they become self destructive?
My theory is that it's the feeling of abandonment and betrayal that affects the kids - the fact that their biological mother betrayed them by giving them up - consciously or subconsciously. Since children adopted at birth by great parents also seem to be more likely to have these problems it can't be attributed to lack of good care early in life (although I'm sure this has a significant impact on kids adopted at an older age). I believe that feeling loved and wanted is extremely important for kids, especially during the teen years when a lot is going on emotionally anyway, and the knowledge that their bio parents didn't want them must have a huge impact on the adopted kids. Kids who grow up without fathers are also more likely to have psychosocial problems and I think the cause is the same; the feeling of not being loved and wanted by their fathers. So I think with adopted kids the simple knowledge of being adopted is enough to cause emotional, and sometimes behavioral, problems.

What do you guys think, those of you who have adopted kids or are adopted yourself? Am I completely off with my theory?

If it was you that had to go through this kind of live,
would you be happy, and well adjusted from the beginning, or would you be confused ? ? ?
.