U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-02-2007, 10:06 PM
 
201 posts, read 1,185,888 times
Reputation: 83

Advertisements

No, but ive never met my real Father, or know who he is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-03-2007, 06:51 AM
 
455 posts, read 1,356,123 times
Reputation: 402
I wasn't adopted, but have a few friends that were.

1. One was an old best friend of mine in high school. She was adopted from Korea, and had a fantastic relationship with her parents. She always referred to her adopted parents as her real parents, there wasn't a doubt in her mind that they were family (biological links meant nothing).

2. One was an old ex-girlfriend in high school. She was adopted within the US, and always had a strained relationship with her adopted parents. Although she was in high school, which is already difficult for many, so it could've been a phase of identity crisis and teenage angst.

3. One is a friend through my church. She was adopted through the US, and has a very strong relationship with her (adopted) parents.

4. A couple at my church has adopted a couple of different babies through the US, one of which has some oddities due to being born to a drug addict. Both are too young still to judge their relationship.

5. From another point of view, I have a cousin out there somewhere who was put up for adoption by one of my uncles (and his first wife) when he was having a lot of drug-related issues. I'd give almost anything to be able to meet her (I wasn't even born when the adoption took place), although the chances are next to impossible. I have very strong ties with my family and other cousins, and wish I could share that with her.

5. And my last point of view. I'm currently in a relationship with a wonderful woman who has a son from a previous relationship. Assuming things progress successfully, I fully intend on adopting him as my own.

My 2˘
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2007, 07:18 AM
 
26,323 posts, read 24,433,196 times
Reputation: 16007
I wasn't legally adopted, but was taken in by a neighbor and considered a part of their family, thank God.

My real mother had me single and was not at all mentally able to raise a child. Very dysfunctional woman...she hated me and blamed me for her life of having a child at 20 and having to work 2 jobs to keep us fed. To this day, still hates me and threw out all my childhood pictures and has pictures in the house of all my cousins and their children, yet none of me. I'm not explaining this for sympathy, but to let you know, how very fortunate I was to have this neighbor take me in her home at 5 years old and reared me as one of her own....they are my family, my sisters and brother...and if it wouldn't be for them, I'd have never known a different life then what my dysfunctional paternal mother knew. She hates everyone and everything....so pesimistic and angry...

and so, I don't believe any child who is adopted, if told the truth from little on up...and treating it naturally, wouldn't be greatful to have someone love them....hold them, listen to them and allow them to be. I believe adoption is one of the greatest gifts mankind has to offer a child...it gives them hope, a general stable environment...happiness, the ability to play and grow with parents who care about them...who genuinely love them...and give them safe and guiding light.

Adoption is to me, a thankless job...that goes way beyond the call of duty...which requires loyalty to family, yet, gifts so much in return...unfathomable highs and lows....but great compassion, beyond compare.

Thanks be to my mom...for raising me, even though I was not hers...but am more hers then if I were from her.

Thank God for any adoptive parents....you are a great hero for children. An inspiration and kindness beyond compare. Thank you!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2007, 09:22 AM
tao
 
Location: Colorado
720 posts, read 2,964,239 times
Reputation: 933
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
Thank God for any adoptive parents....you are a great hero for children. An inspiration and kindness beyond compare. Thank you!
What if they molest and abuse you? Are they heroes then?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2007, 09:40 AM
 
455 posts, read 1,356,123 times
Reputation: 402
Quote:
Originally Posted by tao View Post
What if they molest and abuse you? Are they heroes then?
That is so far off topic... molestation and abuse can occur in ANY relationship.

In fact, it is LESS likely to occur in an adopted home due to the number 'hoops' that the adoptive parents have to jump through to get the child in the first place. There are more background checks to adopt than there are to obtain many high-level government security clearances. Are you aware that it costs in the neighborhood of $20,000 to adopt a child? Not to mention the endless court battles with the biological parents or other biological family members should they decide to re-obtain custody of the child. If someone were looking for a child to abuse, there are much easier routes to go than adoption.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2007, 09:45 AM
 
5,002 posts, read 4,232,252 times
Reputation: 3019
I am not adopted but my dh is. He was told at 17 that he was adopted, didnt have an inkling to find his bio mother until we had children ; he was 35 & 37 when we had our sons.
It took him 7 years to find his bio mum and he only found her this past april. We went to meet all his bio family in August and they welcomed us into their family so well.
His family(adopted) will always be his family ; his father is dead and his mum is still alive, his sister who was also adopted doesnt have a good relationship with either him or his mother. He was always there for his mum and will always be there for her.
His bio mother explained to details to us, is so happy to have found him and wants to come here for xmas.
We call her by her first name as even though she had him for 6 weeks and gave birth to him, she did not do any parenting and he has a hard time calling her mum.

Now that the initial visits are over, the hard work begins. Its a rollercoaster of emotions.
d
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2007, 01:17 PM
 
26,323 posts, read 24,433,196 times
Reputation: 16007
Quote:
Originally Posted by tao View Post
What if they molest and abuse you? Are they heroes then?
You know the answer to that...I'm very sorry for you...very sorry...but, life is not always nice...it can be at times, very painful and tragic....but there is someone always someone, who is worse off then you...so that gives you an even more realistic idea of what life shouldn't be...doesn't it.

There is no excuse for the abuse of a child...but if people keep hiding in the closet about it, nothing will change....

They can get cigerettes off the streets, but they can't put child molesters away for life....????? How come?

We're way off topic here, I suggest you start another thread if you need help dealing with this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-03-2007, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, TN
8,000 posts, read 17,074,159 times
Reputation: 12328
Quote:
Originally Posted by cremebrulee View Post
You know the answer to that...I'm very sorry for you...very sorry...but, life is not always nice...it can be at times, very painful and tragic....but there is someone always someone, who is worse off then you...so that gives you an even more realistic idea of what life shouldn't be...doesn't it.

There is no excuse for the abuse of a child...but if people keep hiding in the closet about it, nothing will change....

They can get cigerettes off the streets, but they can't put child molesters away for life....????? How come?

We're way off topic here, I suggest you start another thread if you need help dealing with this.
thanks for answering this in such a manner....it stopped me from going off on that absolutely ridiculous statement! For goodness sakes!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-05-2007, 07:05 AM
 
Location: Somewhere out there
18,261 posts, read 20,558,087 times
Reputation: 41059
[quote=Samierra;1628522]Both of my girls are adopted [quote]

They are gorgeous! You are in Minnie Mouse's living room too aren't you?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-05-2007, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Somewhere out there
18,261 posts, read 20,558,087 times
Reputation: 41059
Quote:
Originally Posted by RowingMunkeyCU View Post
Are you aware that it costs in the neighborhood of $20,000 to adopt a child? Not to mention the endless court battles with the biological parents or other biological family members should they decide to re-obtain custody of the child.
The costs are very minimal if you go through your local welfare agency. There are plenty of children waiting to be adopted to have a forever home. Once you adopt a toddler then your put on a list for an infant if that is what you want. In my state the biological parents rights have to be terminated before the child is put up for adoption. So once that happens they no longer can have any dealings with the child. Of course when the child turns of age they can seek them out then.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top