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Old 09-17-2008, 10:00 AM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,141 posts, read 34,629,642 times
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My boyfriend's mom and her two siblings were adopted. His grandparents had fertility issues.
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Old 09-17-2008, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
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I was kinda, but not the way you were meaning I'm sure.
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Old 09-17-2008, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
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My mom married my dad when she was pregnant with me and my brother was 2. He adopted my brother and I was given his name because they were married. I didn't find out till I was 16 that my brother and I had a different dad. We never got to meet him before he passed away at a very early age.
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Old 09-17-2008, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Oklahoma
288 posts, read 587,167 times
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I am adopted. Had great parents.

I adopted my youngest son, also. I always thought there was a different kind of love that you had if you had your own kids then adopted. My parents never made me feel like that, but i always wondered. When my youngest came along, I couldn't have loved him anymore, if I had given birth to him myself.
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Old 09-17-2008, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Florida
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I'm adopted.
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Old 09-17-2008, 12:08 PM
 
Location: S. Florida
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Both my husband & daughter were adopted at birth. My husband was born in Philly, and our daughter in California. I found the following passages from an adoptive parent message board. It sums up exactly how I feel about my role as an adoptive mother.

"This role is not for the weak of spirit, or the easily wounded. Loving a child not born to her but calling him her own, but this is what she does, it is her calling. She is a mother".

"Being an adoptive mother is not for every woman. She must possess not only the natural mother instinct but an understanding and appreciation of the situation that brought a child into her arms making her a mother. The adoptive family came to be by choices made, choices made by the first parents and by the adoptive parents. This bond the adoptive mother has with her child grows over time, like the child did within his first mother’s womb. Day by day, touch by touch, with each tear, kiss, and memory made they became"
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Old 09-17-2008, 05:33 PM
 
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I like your post. Good topic! I am not adopted.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lionking View Post
I just saw the "where were you born thread".And the thought came over me,were you adopted?I was.

People have often asked me "aren't you curious to find your real parents?".I tell them not really,my parents who adopted me are my real parents as far as I'm concerned.I was an only child though,the only thing I wonder sometimes is if I have a brother or sister from the people who put me up for adoption.

I'm so glad they put me up for adoption though,I have had the chance to experience life,both it's ups and downs.Don't know why they did it,don't really care,it all worked out in the end.

I'm glad my parents told me as soon as I was old enough to comprehend being adopted.If I would have found out by accident it would have been a shock and maybe had some negative feeling about it.To anybody looking to adopt or has adopted,I suggest telling your kid at a certain point,truth is truth,and it's better that way.

cheers.
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Old 09-18-2008, 05:01 AM
 
Location: S. Florida
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Absolutely!! I have both a biological and adopted child. As a MOTHER to both, I can't tell which one is adopted.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jlyn5669 View Post
I am adopted. Had great parents.

I adopted my youngest son, also. I always thought there was a different kind of love that you had if you had your own kids then adopted. My parents never made me feel like that, but i always wondered. When my youngest came along, I couldn't have loved him anymore, if I had given birth to him myself.
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Old 09-18-2008, 05:23 AM
 
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I wasn't legally adopted or legally a foster child. When I was born to my maternal mother, well, she is a very sad story, very dysfunctional...angry and hates everyone, and the world. She was treated very badly as a little girl...and not knowing very much about her family, I can only surmise that some of her behavior was learned...the family was very uneducated...abusive, her father was an alcholic...she was the oldest of four children. She was made to quit school and go work in a factory to help support the family. Then, she became pregnant with me, and was literally banned from society...due to her situation. Back then, it was considered immoral to become with child out of wedlock. Personally, I think it's what drove her over the edge. She had no chance at a life of her own. She was very cruel to me...I won't go into detail. It's difficult to relive it.

When I was 5 years old, we moved into an apartment across the street from a family who have now become my family. They felt badly for me, and took me in as their part time daughter, (as my foster mom used to say) I consider her my mom. They saved my life, gave me sustantial support, taught me morals, respect for others, the importance of faith, mostly in goodness, hot meals, a warm place to sleep, and working for what you wanted to accomplish, education, and most of all love. Through them, even though our mom has passed on, I still have two sisters and a brother whom I admire very much.

My maternal mother is still alive, but very difficult to be around. She has no friends...she is really mentally incompetent to some degree, illogical, very selfish, and unconcerned with anyone else. I do go to visit her, although she doesn't want me to. She literally pushes me away, won't allow me to do things for her, and proceeds to tell everyone she knows, I'm an awful person. That is how she's been all my life. But, it's ok...I'm not looking for acceptance...actually, I'm not looking for anything, but feel obligated to look in on her from time to time...just because...?

I remember when in my 20's a distant relative wanted to learn how to ride. I had two horses, and suggested I teach her. So, twice a week, I gave her lessons. During one of the lessons, she looked at me and said, "Your a really nice person". I was a little stunned, and said, "well thank you, but where in the world did that come from?" She replied, "your mother tells everyone your such a bad kid, and talks about how bad you are all the time". Although already aware of this, it still hurt and does to this day, but you cannot change a tigers strips. LOL

She hates the family who took me in, even though when she was in the hospital 3 times in one year...they paid her rent and went to the grocery store and gave the managers money for us to get groceries, until she was able to get back to work. They did that anonymously. Words could never express how very fortunate I was and still am b/c of them. They saved my life and surely put up with many trying times and embarrassment when it came to my real mom. They endured it all for me...I find that pretty amazing.
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Old 09-18-2008, 05:39 AM
 
26,352 posts, read 24,507,802 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pirate girl View Post
I'm considering adopting a school aged child and would love some insight from people who may have been adopted as children rather than as infants or toddlers. From adoptive parents of these children as well.

I worry if it's possible to truly integrate a child into the family unit- will the child always feel like the odd person out? Of course I see successful stepfamilies become units but what is the baggage that children carry who have not had parents who care about them, who go through the foster care system, who suffer from abuse.
for me, even though the family took me in, and I was older, my mother was still an influence. She broke me, had very little confidence in myself, and I remember thinking at 5, 6, 7, and 8, that I so wished I had a family of my own, like the one that took me in. In my child's mind, I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere, because I still had to go home to my real mother. But, I do believe, if you take this child in, give the child love, and the parental unit that comes along with adoption, the child will be fine. It takes time, patience, and a lot of reassurance, being in tune to the child...discussing the issue with their teachers, (so that you are always aware of how the child is integrading with school environment and the child's social skills and abilities there) It is very important not to over expect and move slowly so that the child builds confidence, and over protection will likely stagnate. Allow the child to be as part of the family, no special privleges b/c he/she is a foster child. Treat him as you would treat your own.

I commend you for taking on such a dedicated yet rewarding task....thank you for doing so, for sharing and God bless you.

Creme
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