Who here was adopted? (options, parents, foster care, cost)

[lionking]

I just saw the "where were you born thread".And the thought came over me,were you adopted?I was.

People have often asked me "aren't you curious to find your real parents?".I tell them not really,my parents who adopted me are my real parents as far as I'm concerned.I was an only child though,the only thing I wonder sometimes is if I have a brother or sister from the people who put me up for adoption.

I'm so glad they put me up for adoption though,I have had the chance to experience life,both it's ups and downs.Don't know why they did it,don't really care,it all worked out in the end.

I'm glad my parents told me as soon as I was old enough to comprehend being adopted.If I would have found out by accident it would have been a shock and maybe had some negative feeling about it.To anybody looking to adopt or has adopted,I suggest telling your kid at a certain point,truth is truth,and it's better that way.

cheers.

[Art1979]

I'm not, but my high school friend was. He basically said the same thing: his adopted parents are his real parents. He doesn't have any inkling to find them, and lives a normal, happy life with a steady job. We've since lost touch about seven years ago, but I've not heard anything bad happen through the grapevine.

[Blue Grass Fever]

I was adopted, well, sort of. I've lived with various relatives growing up. Sometimes, i would be alternated between relatives through-out the year. On the other hand, my sister was adopted. My sister feels the same way about her adopted parents, that they are her real parents. (don't ask me why they just didn't adopt both of us out..??..who knows..) I've got in touch with my ma when i was 16 (over the phone) and met her again when i was 17. She doesn't really feel like my mother which is strange since she is my mother. (i know..a paradox...) I've seen my father here and there growing up but never knew him like a son and father would normally.

So yes, in a way, i was adopted also.

[brokencrayola]

Lionking, I am curious at what age you were told you were adopted? Our daughter will be 5 in Nov. and I am feeling she needs to know before she starts kindergarden next Sept. I have been with her since the day she was born.

[pirate girl]

I'm considering adopting a school aged child and would love some insight from people who may have been adopted as children rather than as infants or toddlers. From adoptive parents of these children as well.

I worry if it's possible to truly integrate a child into the family unit- will the child always feel like the odd person out? Of course I see successful stepfamilies become units but what is the baggage that children carry who have not had parents who care about them, who go through the foster care system, who suffer from abuse.

[Mayor_McCheese]

I was adopted and have thought about adopting a little chinese girl. The day I was thinking about doing this, I was in the grocery store and there was this little asian girl running around all nuts. Smacking the dog food and playing with this toy on the all shelves. She was out of control. I took that as a sign that I wasn't ready for kids.

[tao]

I'm adopted. But not everyone has a happy story about their adoptive parents being their "real parents" and how they all live happily ever after.

[Samierra]

Originally Posted by pirate girl

I'm considering adopting a school aged child and would love some insight from people who may have been adopted as children rather than as infants or toddlers. From adoptive parents of these children as well.

I worry if it's possible to truly integrate a child into the family unit- will the child always feel like the odd person out? Of course I see successful stepfamilies become units but what is the baggage that children carry who have not had parents who care about them, who go through the foster care system, who suffer from abuse.

Both of my girls are adopted - we were "recruited" to become foster/adoptive parents a few years ago. Decided to go through the state to get our home study and classes done at -0- cost. Had every intention of then using our home study to adopt domestically, or internationally, as we wanted a newborn. When we started our classes, we immediately joined a support group run by one of the guest speakers - she also ran a "baby shelter" We'd go to her house 1-2x per month, meet other parents and kids of all ages that were in the "system". By our 3rd mtg, we were hooked. DH and I realized what a privilege it would be to have any one of these children in our lives.
Towards the end of our licensing process, we went to our group - our friend w/ the shelter had just been placed w/ a little girl - 7mos. She came from a medical foster home, as she had been seriously abused at 4 mos of age. I picked her up - and couldn't put her down for 4 hours. I was hooked!
At that moment, it did not matter that we would face many battles, primarily in court w/ her abusers - or that it would be an emotional roller coaster. I knew the moment that I met her, she was mine. It took us a month to finalize our licensing ppwk. We brought her a present on Christmas day, 2003 - she was still in the shelter. The next day, I got a call saying "come pick up your daughter - and you'll need to bring diapers"

Her adoption process took 11 mos - we really pushed it through the system - went to court every month. At month 7, we almost lost her. Thank G-d we had the "system" on our side.
We finalized her adoption in Nov 2004. Then thought we'd take a rest and enjoy our little family - and I was travelling all over the country 3-4 days a week. (DH is a saint).
But...I got a call from DH while I was out of town. In Feb 05 - they were begging him to take another baby! And I wouldn't be home for another 3 days. He went to see her anyway - and immediately brought her home. She was 3 mos old - drug exposed and had never slept through the night. And, she was amazing...
We then went through the whole process all over again - this time, taking 13 mos.
Both of my girls know they are adopted - the eldest is now 4.5, the youngest 3 in Nov. It's obvious for the first one - around the age of 2.5 she started asking me why I didn't look like her - but I've (we've) always been very open with them. I will reserve the gruesome details from them, but feel that it is their right to know. They are very much aware that they came from mommy's heart and not her tummy
And now they are asking for a brother...
The foster care system can make you weary. Our friends went through the system w/ us - their adoptions took 3 years, private attny's (which you are not supposed to use when dealing w/ the "system") countless heartache..
We were very fortunate to have everyone on our side. When dealing w/ state agencies, you walk a fine line - as potential parents, you desperately want to keep the kids - but what if reunification is the best thing for their family?
We see so many kids come in to the system - it is heartbreaking. Sometimes DH and I actually discuss having 4-5 kids. (I think I'm getting a little too old for that) However, we do know several families that have adopted older kids. - Very successfully... You have to be willing to fight for them - to go the extra mile, and do whatever it takes to get them the help that they may need. They may need counseling, special medical care - they may have learning disabilities. Our eldest was partially paralyzed when we got her - she has now overcome all physical disablities and is at the "top" of her preschool class. The younger one had tremors for a year, had PT, OT for almost 2 years - now they are both truly amazing kids (and sometimes the biggest brats in the world).

Adoption is the best thing that we've ever done - people always stop us and say how lucky our girls are to have us - but it is DH and I that are the lucky ones. We are so blessed.

PS - I'm attaching a pic, but will delete it shortly.

[lionking]

Im happy for you Samierra.

Tao,I understand.I'm lucky,my dad is a very loving man but he was also a very hard man in some ways,we had some rough times.

Too the question when was I told,don't remember exactly but around 6 or 7 I think.Just old enough to basically understand what they were talking about.If your kid is not ethnically the same as you,you can't really deny it,but I don't think it's a good idea to deny period.

[Marlow]

Samierra--what beautiful little girls! Congratulations!