We are thinking of adopting three older kids from Eastern Europe. (birth, options)

[sheena12]

Two boys and a girl. Any one have had this experience? We know the pitfalls so pretty much we are looking for advice or happy stories.

The older of the 3 are good students. All three are well liked. They want to be adopted by Americans.
Not all do.

One wants to be an engineer and the other a computer scientist. The three year old wants to be a mommy and have a cat and a dog.

[no kudzu]

will you be able to visit with them first before making any commitment?
I know that would be awkward since they are so old. How long have they been in the orphanage?
You must be very excited while still apprehensive. I know you are quite familiar with problems of adopting older children so all I can do is wish you the best of luck.

[sheena12]

Originally Posted by no kudzu

will you be able to visit with them first before making any commitment?
I know that would be awkward since they are so old. How long have they been in the orphanage?
You must be very excited while still apprehensive. I know you are quite familiar with problems of adopting older children so all I can do is wish you the best of luck.

Thanks! Yes we can meet them first.

I can't adopt from Korea any longer (my daughter is from there) and these three just came up.

They are ver attractive kids, well thought of and bright.

Send me a DM if you want to look at them and give me your impressions. I can't post it publicly.

The eldest stands very erect, almost in a military stance, but that is normal for their culture.

He is said to be sincere and a hard worker. The sad fact is that this older boy is probably holding up the adoption if his siblings, 6 and 3.

They all look nice and are well liked by their caregivers.

[nimchimpsky]

I just wanted to echo everything no kudzu said. Also, I am not them, but if you ever want to talk to someone who was adopted from Eastern Europe in detail, feel free to shoot me a DM. And for what it's worth, sheena, I get a really good feeling about your adopting them on an intuitive level.

[psr13]

If you do adopt them, don't expect them to act like you would expect people their ages to act. Most kids from orphanages are usually at least a couple years behind where they should be developmentally. You will know if you guys are meant to be their parents, trust me. If so, they just tear at your heart.

[JordanJP]

Sounds great, but I am sort of curious what made you choose children from an eastern European orphanage over, say, kids here in the US?

[psr13]

Originally Posted by JordanJP

Sounds great, but I am sort of curious what made you choose children from an eastern European orphanage over, say, kids here in the US?

Adopting kids from US foster care is completely different. Number one, you often have to have the kids for years before you can actually adopt them. Until the adoption is final, you actually have no say in their schooling, etc. It is all up to the social worker, and the process is very intrusive. Also, the kids often still maintain contact with members of their birth families, and this is a problem for many adoptive parents. There are many other reasons why many people, my husband and myself included, will not adopt from foster care.

[sheena12]

I have more information today.They have not been in the orphanage a long time. Which is good. The oldest boy is in another facility. He is a very good student and goes to the local public school where his grades are favorable in comparison to children who live with families. He won a math award.

The sad thing is he wants very much to be adopted, but his presence in the family is impeding the adoption because he is eleven. I think that's sad. They describe him as honest and well respected.
He is a good looking boy.

The younger two are 6 and 3. A boy and girl. The are said to be happy and close to each other. They are both very cute.

[sheena12]

Originally Posted by JordanJP

Sounds great, but I am sort of curious what made you choose children from an eastern European orphanage over, say, kids here in the US?

Children are children. Why do I have a special responsibility to children in US Foster Care?

This is not an act of Patriotism. I am adding to my family. Just the way everyone else adds to their families when they have child three four and five.

It's also not a Social Service Project.

My feeling about American Adoptions is that we try to hard to please everyone. If you look at the children in your own state you will find ones that "want to live on farms" or "want to visit their moms" (yeah the one they were removed from) or their "grandpa" or that they "prefer to be an only child" or want to "have a horse" or maintain a relationship with a sibling who was adopted miles away. AND the adoptive family should be willing to fulfil these requests! According to US Social Services!

So suddenly I may have a group of underclass dysfunctional relatives who I need to have a relationship with. No thanks. I'll pass.

The children in other countries want to be adopted. If they do not, their country does not force it if they are over ten.

I am not interested in Foster Care and all of the risks involved with social service adoptions.

I was asking if anyone had any experience with sibling groups. Or Eastern Europe or older kids. My daughter was adopted at four months from Korea. I have hosted kids from Eastern Europe before and it's been rewarding and sometimes challenging.

I've been impressed that these children could play piano, excelled at soccer, were good swimmers, liked art and were readers. A few were bi and tri lingual.

[psr13]

If they were with their parents (even if not ideal parents) when babies and toddlers, the chance of having attachment issues are much smaller.