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This is hardly unique to adoptees. There are a lot of children of immigrants with American names that have to constantly reassure people that they really are from California or Michigan or wherever they're from, just cause they look Asian or Middle-Eastern or whatever. "But where are you really from?" is something a lot of biological children of color with mainstream American names hear. That is more a result of race and name "not matching" in the eyes of society's limited thinking, rather than a result of being adopted. After all, because I'm white, no one ever questions my Russian-sounding name. I think it has to do more with the subtle racism of expecting "European-looking" people to have "European-sounding" names and "Asian-looking" people to have "Asian-sounding" names (whatever those terms mean to each individual).
You are misunderstanding my post. My point was that sometimes changing a name in an effort to create family cohesion can often have the opposite effect.
I don't think it was accusatory, but maybe my anger/passion about the situation shows through? Can you imagine for a moment being taken from the US to Korea as a child, taken from the only caregivers you know, to stay with strangers surrounded by a language you never heard before (even babies are aware of strangers and audible differences). As you grow, they tell you your name is Kyung, but every time you look in the mirror, you see Sheena Smith. Do you think that you will go your ENTIRE life not wondering about your past, your name, your family and your heritage?
ALL adopted children will go through this. Also, children adopted from orphanages usually were not named by their parents. They are often given names by the director of the orphanage, and the name has no connection whatsoever to the child's birth family.
You are misunderstanding my post. My point was that sometimes changing a name in an effort to create family cohesion can often have the opposite effect.
It didn't for us but I think it depends on the age the child and the background. I think it's impossible to make a blanket statement about every kid and every family and each kids back ground.
Last time I checked, America was a melting pot with residents who have all kinds of interesting and unique names. If we can manage to have a president named Barack Obama, I'm sure that the general population could also manage an "odd" Asian name.
We aren't racist at all. We like our names and they are very "of our generation" . We liked that and we did the same with our kids.
Asians do it all the time. We grew up in a time when some people still had ethnic names. We didn't and we are glad. My wifes family has been here so long that an Ethnic name would be silly. As for me, I'm REALLY glad my parents chose a popular - but not too popular name of my generation.
It helps me at school.
Also, I think you know we are not racist. You are trying to get us mad. Not working.
ALL adopted children will go through this. Also, children adopted from orphanages usually were not named by their parents. They are often given names by the director of the orphanage, and the name has no connection whatsoever to the child's birth family.
True. Our daughter was named by a foster parent.
In the book "The Russian Word For Snow" the child was named "Sned" because he was dropped at the orphanage on a snowy day.
Try going through life in an American middle school named "Sned" We love our kids too much to name them Sned or to be self indulgent when it comes to names.Or too experemental.
We like Barak Obama and now, it's a name we might use. But we're glad his mother used it first.
Last time I checked, America was a melting pot with residents who have all kinds of interesting and unique names. If we can manage to have a president named Barack Obama, (I'm sure that the general population could also manage an "odd" Asian name).
Not our daughter - she is very conformist. We know her the best. After all she's our daughter. Glad we played it safe. It's hard enough being a minority.
We aren't racist at all. We like our names and they are very "of our generation" . We liked that and we did the same with our kids.
Asians do it all the time. We grew up in a time when some people still had ethnic names. We didn't and we are glad. My wifes family has been here so long that an Ethnic name would be silly. As for me, I'm REALLY glad my parents chose a popular - but not too popular name of my generation.
It helps me at school.
Also, I think you know we are not racist. You are trying to get us mad. Not working.
Actually, they were racist comments.
Ask any Asian if a non-Asian family changing a Korean child's name because it sounds "silly" or you believe you "deserve" Christmas cards that sound like all the other "normal family Christmas cards" is racist... I am sure they will inform you that it is. Also, read up on racial studies & you will see the many forms of racism -- even subtle racism, which can be unintentional. We're not saying you use out-right slurs, but that doesn't mean you are above having prejudices that maybe you aren't even aware of.
Also, while you are asking adoptees not to use blanket statements perhaps you shouldn't use blanket statements about what Asians do all the time. & let's be honest -- you didn't change your daughter's name because of what Asians do, you changed it because it was more important to you to be able to name a child (like all those "normal families") than it was to preserve that child's original name.
Sheena has been very clear about that... I'm not sure you care, but perhaps you could step back & consider for a moment why that has been seen as offensive/inflammatory to so many adoptees here?
Last edited by thethreefoldme; 09-18-2012 at 05:29 AM..
In the book "The Russian Word For Snow" the child was named "Sned" because he was dropped at the orphanage on a snowy day.
Try going through life in an American middle school named "Sned" We love our kids too much to name them Sned or to be self indulgent when it comes to names.Or too experemental.
We like Barak Obama and now, it's a name we might use. But we're glad his mother used it first.
Agree. Not everyone can carry off a very unusual name.
It is not racist to want your child to avoid unnecessary teasing by mean peers.
I remember junior high school quite well - many kids are insecure, and compensate by teasing and name-calling, sometimes quite unmercifully, and will seize anything they can use as a weapon. For me, it was my very English, easy to pronounce surname (which resembles an unattractive word), and my perceived "childishness", as I was the youngest member of my class.
I don't think junior high/middle school kids have changed that much.
Changing a "difficult" name to something less likely to lead to a child's being scapegoated by the mean kids is not racism.
Even Barack went by "Barry" way back when.
No it's not. And Pres. Obama was named by a father from Kenya. My daughter's parents are not from Korea and she is not being raised in a Korean American home. Can't rep you Craig, but I owe you one!
Not our daughter - she is very conformist. We know her the best. After all she's our daughter. Glad we played it safe. It's hard enough being a minority.
Even the Prez went through a Barry stage.
Because you had no hand in helping her turn out so "very conformist," right? She is a minority either way, you cannot shield her from racism & according to Sheena you didn't change her name in order to spare her from ridicule anyway. If her name was a common American name you would have still changed it, right?
Unless your daughter expressed to you that she felt her original name was odd or she requested a name change then you did what you did for yourself--not for her. Of course she is used to her name now -- but as her parents it was your responsibility to help her stay connected to who she was prior to adoption & help her successfully incorporate that into her identity, rather than encouraging her to reject it.
If you force children to conform, it is really no surprise when they grow up to become conformists. That or they will rebel like crazy later in life, when they are no longer enmeshed with their parents.
It saddens me to hear that adoptive parents find it humorous that their daughter's laugh sounds like her original name & that is somehow funny to them. It saddens me even more if she finds her name funny, odd, or unusual now, too.
You brought up the Asian-American families who change their names to fit in... ask them if they find it funny when non-Asians laugh about their original names in any context.
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