U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 08-18-2012, 07:08 PM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,652,933 times
Reputation: 5034

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee View Post
Actually your parents choose your name.

Parents have the right to make these call. PARENTS. The people who raise kids.
Well sure, you CAN choose your child's name if you like. For the record we changed both of our kids' names when we adopted them, but they were infants. But, I do think it is strange and frankly wrong to change an older child's name without their input. If your newly adopted 12yr old has been called Sam his whole life and you immediately inform him that his name is now Peter without his input...well that's your right I guess as his parent but that doesn't make it right.

 
Old 08-23-2012, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,105 posts, read 2,896,900 times
Reputation: 2106
Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee View Post
Actually your parents choose your name.

Parents have the right to make these call. PARENTS. The people who raise kids.
That comes across as rather callous to me. Sure, you have the legal right to change your adopted child's name but there is also such a thing as respect and consideration of the individual you are adopting. You're not adopting a dog. You're adopting a child who already has an identity and knows who they are. Everything changes for this kid and I think it's extremely inconsiderate to just go ahead and strip the child of the last bit of his identity - his name.
 
Old 08-24-2012, 09:33 PM
 
Location: Liberal Coast
4,277 posts, read 5,153,699 times
Reputation: 3889
Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
Well sure, you CAN choose your child's name if you like. For the record we changed both of our kids' names when we adopted them, but they were infants. But, I do think it is strange and frankly wrong to change an older child's name without their input. If your newly adopted 12yr old has been called Sam his whole life and you immediately inform him that his name is now Peter without his input...well that's your right I guess as his parent but that doesn't make it right.
I agree with this. Many older children do want their names changed, though.
 
Old 08-26-2012, 05:40 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,117,825 times
Reputation: 48552
Many do want them changed.They have bad associations and they want a fresh start. Also, many children in US Foster Care who are for adoption have some really tacky trashy names that honestly could hinder them in life.
Names that are weird, made up or misspelled.

Names given to them by people deemed unfit to parent. If you go to your state adoption website you will see what I am talking about.

Internationally adopted children have another challenge. Their names often do not blend well with American names. Most kids enjoy fitting in. I think modifying a name is a gift.

Some names do not work at all. My daughter's Korean name is Tae Hee. It is not part of her legal name, but she knows it's her Korean name.

The funny thing is when she laughs it often sounds like Tae Hee Heee heee! We joke about that.

There is a boy in our church adopted at 5 from Russia and his name is Dima. His brother was Grigori which translates better into Greg. Dima has told his parents that he wants to be Daniel David or Derek. They are upset about this but I think they should have addressed that earlier.

They have two biological daughters with names like Emily and Amanda, then Greg then Dima?

I can understand his feelings.
 
Old 08-27-2012, 02:43 PM
 
10,366 posts, read 8,359,306 times
Reputation: 19114
"Dima" is likely to be have been a nickname for "Dmitri". Perhaps "Dmitri" could be kept as a middle name, and a more commonly encountered "American" name could be given as a first name?

How old is Dima now? if his parents don't want to make a legal change, another nickname might do the trick. What are his first two initials? "D.J." might work... or "Dean" sounds similar but is less likely to cause issues.

"Dima" is properly pronounced "Deema", not "Dim -ah" - but it's another of those perfectly acceptable in Eastern Europe names which don't travel well to English-speaking countries. I do know of another family with a young Dima, adopted from Ukraine. He's a cute little guy with special needs. His family kept his name, feeling that he had little else that was distinctly his. As far as I know, there has been no teasing, but Dima and his siblings are homeschooled, which no doubt helps lower teasing opportunities.
 
Old 08-27-2012, 03:00 PM
 
2,873 posts, read 4,741,428 times
Reputation: 4291
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
"Dima" is likely to be have been a nickname for "Dmitri". Perhaps "Dmitri" could be kept as a middle name, and a more commonly encountered "American" name could be given as a first name?

How old is Dima now? if his parents don't want to make a legal change, another nickname might do the trick. What are his first two initials? "D.J." might work... or "Dean" sounds similar but is less likely to cause issues.

"Dima" is properly pronounced "Deema", not "Dim -ah" - but it's another of those perfectly acceptable in Eastern Europe names which don't travel well to English-speaking countries. I do know of another family with a young Dima, adopted from Ukraine. He's a cute little guy with special needs. His family kept his name, feeling that he had little else that was distinctly his. As far as I know, there has been no teasing, but Dima and his siblings are homeschooled, which no doubt helps lower teasing opportunities.

A woman I worked with adopted a boy named Dmitri. He was six when they adopted him and they planned to change his name before they even met him. That did bother me...I felt like he was old enough to have some input, and with everything else that was about to change in his life changing his name on top of it could be traumatic.
 
Old 08-28-2012, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,105 posts, read 2,896,900 times
Reputation: 2106
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Also, many children in US Foster Care who are for adoption have some really tacky trashy names that honestly could hinder them in life.
Names that are weird, made up or misspelled.

Names given to them by people deemed unfit to parent. If you go to your state adoption website you will see what I am talking about.
Tacky and trashy? You're not just a little judgmental of people not in your "upper middle class" who don't share your superior values, are you? You know the people who don't have "middle class habits" when it comes to health care and really don't care about those kinds of things.
 
Old 08-28-2012, 11:11 AM
 
Location: California
30,509 posts, read 33,322,731 times
Reputation: 25977
It's fine. I have a friend who changed her middle name when she was 18, a girl who changed her first name in college, and a woman who changed her first name (switched her first and middle to go by the middle name) after a divorce. My daughters middle name was "accidently" changed when it was spelled incorrectly while applying for her learners permit and it carried forward to her DL and now she just spells it that way. It's kind of a family joke.

While someone may always be ".." to the parents who named them everyone is able to use whatever name they want in their day to day lives.
 
Old 08-29-2012, 06:09 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,117,825 times
Reputation: 48552
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizita View Post
Tacky and trashy? You're not just a little judgmental of people not in your "upper middle class" who don't share your superior values, are you? You know the people who don't have "middle class habits" when it comes to health care and really don't care about those kinds of things.
Yup. Tacky trashy stripper names. Names that would not fit in with their new families and would hold them back in life. Typical teen mom names. That would do a child a disservice if they were retained.

I would absolutely change that type of name. Since I would be the mother I would give the name.

The family would be our family. Our values. Why is that so hard to understand?

You just don't like adoption.
 
Old 08-29-2012, 06:11 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,117,825 times
Reputation: 48552
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Yup. Tacky trashy stripper names. Names that would not fit in with their new families and would hold them back in life. Typical teen mom names. That would do a child a disservice if they were retained.

I would absolutely change that type of name. Since I would be the mother I would give the name.

The family would be our family. Our values. Why is that so hard to understand?

You just don't like adoption.
No made up or misspelled names. No kids names after expensive cars, luxury items, liquors, you get the idea.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:48 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top