U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 09-28-2012, 06:11 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,369,891 times
Reputation: 42509

Advertisements

I prefer traditional names over trendy. Michael, Nicholas, Anna.

 
Old 09-28-2012, 06:20 AM
 
16,019 posts, read 19,716,537 times
Reputation: 26200
I do not understand changing the names of visiting children? I think it may convey a negative message to these children that you would not intend. If perhaps they would like an American nickname, let them choose if they are older than 3. I see that this is a visit...a try out. I am even more convinced that a person wait, a name change for children already going through the childhood trauma and issues they have seems unnecessary....Eventually choose a nickname if they stay. Nothing during the visit. Just my opinion.
 
Old 09-28-2012, 07:00 AM
 
16,019 posts, read 19,716,537 times
Reputation: 26200
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Craig I will adopt them after hosting. I am just asking for some ideas. I am not asking for opinions about doing it.

As you know it is quite normal for parents to name their children - by birth or adoption. Any ideas? Anyone? If you don't agree with this that's OK. I'm not taking a poll here.

They will not be raised in the Russian Orthodox Church, Craig. I doubt that they have ever been to church. None of the many ditsky dom kids who I have hosted had been to church.

I'm very involved in my church and my children are as well.
I asking that you be cautious in this. You have said you've hosted others....you have adopted all of them??
I think you should table this name change thing....it should not be given so much attention, at this point attention to the feelings, adjustment and good fit between your family and these children should be the focus. Like my Grandma used to say...." Don't put the cart before the horse."
Focus on the visit when they get there...others have said one never knows if you will be the one to adopt them...obviously it is a process involving other families, other visits and the children's own choices. I would think the things important to an adoption coordinator is future stability and kindness and loving and acceptance of any potential parents..If it were me that is what I would be looking for if I were assessing the "goodness of fit" in this scenario. What is "ditsy dom"
 
Old 09-28-2012, 07:12 AM
 
95 posts, read 62,462 times
Reputation: 55
Originally Posted by no kudzu
Thank you Julia for your last several posts. Sheena has bent over backwards trying to explain what she and her husband feel is appropriate for their family and she has been disrespected for doing so.

The bottom line here is that each family has the right to choose how to handle the name issue and should not feel compelled to explain to others. Discussion is great and I have learned a lot of new information from this adoption forum in the past few weeks. However when discussion turns to berating and accusing we all tend to put up defenses.

Our Korean daughter is a full fledged adult at 29. We too tried all the PC things Sheena and I have explained in previous posts and our daughters were not interested, in fact protested Korean anything being referred to. It was not a teenage temporary thing for my daughter. Today she is concentrating on her career, her SO and that important relationship and in general life as she knows it to be---not some imaginary life it could have been. I think she has a very healthy outlook on life.

This is another woman's account of adoption. Her eldest daughter is now 29. Mine, 16.
People are just not all alike.

And, everyone ignores the fact that we are not in general a very "flesh and blood" family. We are not ethnic and our families have been here quite a while.

I tried what The Adoption Community said to do. She didn't like it at all.

So now? I am going to use mothers intuition, the way I've done with my son. It's worked out well and I'm sticking with what works, and staying away from what has not.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you don't feel compelled to explain and you know what is best for your family, why pose questions on this board and post details about your family? Do what you want and get on with your life.
 
Old 09-28-2012, 07:17 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,369,891 times
Reputation: 42509
Jan, a ditsky dom is a children's home, an orphanage.
 
Old 09-28-2012, 07:24 AM
 
11,151 posts, read 14,156,962 times
Reputation: 18796
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
I do not understand changing the names of visiting children? I think it may convey a negative message to these children that you would not intend. If perhaps they would like an American nickname, let them choose if they are older than 3. I see that this is a visit...a try out. I am even more convinced that a person wait, a name change for children already going through the childhood trauma and issues they have seems unnecessary....Eventually choose a nickname if they stay. Nothing during the visit. Just my opinion.
Thank you. Even if they want to choose nicknames like Madonna, GaGa and Bieber while they're here -- let them. Should you end up adopting them, THEN think about their names -- assuming the children even want to change them.
 
Old 09-28-2012, 07:28 AM
 
10,452 posts, read 10,641,807 times
Reputation: 12537
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Jan, a ditsky dom is a children's home, an orphanage.
Sometimes I wish the Russian word for "orphanage" was a bit more faithful to the actual feeling of orphanages. There is nothing homey about a Russian orphanage. It should be called детский институт detsky institut "children's institution" or something.
 
Old 09-28-2012, 12:26 PM
 
10,530 posts, read 8,452,687 times
Reputation: 19275
Sheena, the name "Lacey" was previous suggested - I think by me - for Olga/Olaysia. I am assuming that Mikhail will become Michael - is this correct? So that leaves Oleg. Alek might work - the spelling is Eastern European/Russian/Ukrainian, but the sound is the same as Alec. Or you could use Aleck and make it Scots.

In general, I don't care for surnames used as first names unless they are part of the child's family history (biological or adoptive). Surnames as first names are very trendy just now, and I also think avoiding "trendiness" is a good idea. I like traditional, solid, stood-the-test-of-time names, generally. You might take a look at the current top ten names lists for boys and girls, and rule most of them out, as their popularity guarantees that there will be several children with the first five or so names in your children's circle of friends. A number of years ago, it seemed that every other child was either Jennifer or Jason. Now it's Madison and Isabella and Jayden...

There's always the back-door test: stand at the door, and yell," (first name) (middle name) (surname), come into this house right now!" in your best mom voice. If the name doesn't work, you'll know it.

Also, watch out for initials - you don't want to name a child Paul Irving Gordon, nice as it sounds...or Samuel Oliver Baker.;-)

I do think this is not something you need to do immediately upon meeting the children. Get to know them and make sure they trust and like you first (love takes more time), then broach the subject, perhaps with an interpreter. If they seem upset or are very, very attached to their Ukrainian names, back off. Consider using those names as middle names, or find a nickname that everyone likes. Even if their names sound odd and unattractive to you, that's small stuff compared with bonding with these kids - and, even if they do wind up keeping those names for a while, before long you'll associate the names with these specific children themselves, and wonder how on earth you could have ever considered calling them anything else!
 
Old 09-28-2012, 01:40 PM
 
1,014 posts, read 987,856 times
Reputation: 834
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
I do think this is not something you need to do immediately upon meeting the children. Get to know them and make sure they trust and like you first (love takes more time), then broach the subject, perhaps with an interpreter. If they seem upset or are very, very attached to their Ukrainian names, back off. Consider using those names as middle names, or find a nickname that everyone likes. Even if their names sound odd and unattractive to you, that's small stuff compared with bonding with these kids - and, even if they do wind up keeping those names for a while, before long you'll associate the names with these specific children themselves, and wonder how on earth you could have ever considered calling them anything else!
What child wouldn't be attached to a name they're used to being called? It seems a little insensitive to make a child choose between their name/familiarity & the fear of being overlooked by potential parents.
 
Old 09-28-2012, 02:15 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,678 posts, read 23,284,047 times
Reputation: 48876
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND View Post
I asking that you be cautious in this. You have said you've hosted others....you have adopted all of them??
I think you should table this name change thing....it should not be given so much attention, at this point attention to the feelings, adjustment and good fit between your family and these children should be the focus. Like my Grandma used to say...." Don't put the cart before the horse."
Focus on the visit when they get there...others have said one never knows if you will be the one to adopt them...obviously it is a process involving other families, other visits and the children's own choices. I would think the things important to an adoption coordinator is future stability and kindness and loving and acceptance of any potential parents..If it were me that is what I would be looking for if I were assessing the "goodness of fit" in this scenario. What is "ditsy dom"
Thanks for your opinion. I am tossing the idea name around at this point, as I did when I was pregnant.
My grandma said the same this. Also, counting chickens before they hatch. She loved that saying.

Since I am an optimistic sort, and I trust the facilitator (NOT an AGENCY) so much that if the six of us want this after hosting - the adoption will happen.

Yes we hosted altogether almost 30 children and young adults. At the time, we were not in a position to adopt more children. We did attempt to adopt one, but the agency and the birth mother screwed things up. Long story. We broke away from the agency and befriended two honest facilitators who were also fed

We advocated for the rest and found homes for all of them who were free for adoption. By advocating, we mean we introduced the kids to people at our church, at Orthodox churches had pool parties in the summer and introduced them. An article about what we were doing was responsible for FIVE adoptions!
One Yulia, became an adopted daughter of ours (unofficial) We have been helping her in her own country and she will be coming to the US next fall on a student visa. We are so happy! We set her up in a flat and she went to two years at Tarus Yushenko, a university.

In the US, she calls herself Julie/Julia. BTW.

We have already assessed the good fit factor, in as much as we can with out meeting them. We have read what we can (we are not permitted to read certain things because we are not yet the parents - Ukraine is VERY STRICT when it comes to the Rights of The Child, and to wit, has a bureau that oversees this.

So this is the fun part of pre-parenting. The paperwork? Not so much

If you look on the Pregnancy forum, you will see occasional threads about naming.
No one there asks, "but are you sure you are able to parent?" "how do you know you will not miscarry?".

The are supportive, enthusiastic and optimistic. That's what we would like for our selves and other PAPs.

Ditsky Dom and Detsky Dom , is phonetic Russian for Children's Home.
Dom - means house or home.

Dom Rebenka is Baby House . Orphanages.

We are excited as much as pregnant parents would be at this time and place. We are in our first trimester of adoption,
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top