changing child's name (orphanage, kids, birth, parents)

[winterbird]

Yeah, there are some doozies out there. A new name in some instances can only help.

[CraigCreek]

Sometimes I wish there were "What NOT to Name the Baby" books!

[facemouse]

Depending on the name it may be tempting, but they're big kids, so ask them if they like it and if not, hey choose something you'll both love!

[Lizita]

Originally Posted by sheena12

Yup. Tacky trashy stripper names. Names that would not fit in with their new families and would hold them back in life. Typical teen mom names. That would do a child a disservice if they were retained.

I would absolutely change that type of name. Since I would be the mother I would give the name.

The family would be our family. Our values. Why is that so hard to understand?

You just don't like adoption.

I don't know where you get that from. I have nothing against adoption at all. What I do have a problem with is superior, judgmental attitudes like yours and how you care more about your values and opinions than the feelings and experiences of a child.

Just because a child has a name that wouldn't work in your white, upper middle class conservative life doesn't mean it's trashy or tacky. Certain names are spelled differently or made up because the parents want their child to have a unique name that sounds pretty to them and I find it offensive that you sit i your white suburb and judge them because that is what you're doing.

[sheena12]

Originally Posted by Lizita

I don't know where you get that from. I have nothing against adoption at all. What I do have a problem with is superior, judgmental attitudes like yours and how you care more about your values and opinions than the feelings and experiences of a child.

Just because a child has a name that wouldn't work in your white, upper middle class conservative life doesn't mean it's trashy or tacky. Certain names are spelled differently or made up because the parents want their child to have a unique name that sounds pretty to them and I find it offensive that you sit i your white suburb and judge them because that is what you're doing.

I am NOT conservative.

The thing you still do not get is that once adopted, WE ARE THE PARENTS! My white suburb? I do come from that background, but by choice I live in a well integrated Rust Belt city.

It is tacky to name a child K'rystylle or Brandee or Destani.

If I were to adopt such a child I'd explain that this was a name selected by another family and I'd also explain that parents name children. If they were old enough, I'd give them some choices that WE selected.
I'd also explain the Sociology behind why they might have been named such a name.

If they were too young I would just say "We named all of our other children names that we love. We love you just as much. You are a part of our family now and we want to give you a name as we did for our other children".

[Lizita]

Sure, "I know you've been Destani for all your 12 years of life and that that's your identity. But you've now been dumped here with a bunch of strangers that are going to be your new mom and dad and you're going to have to adjust to new food, new traditions, new rules, new town, new friends, new school, new and confusing everything. But WE are the parents now and WE make the decisions around here so we have decided that you're not going to be called Destani anymore. You have to pick between Anna, Lisa or Mary. You see, your birthmom was a poor teenager from a ghetto culture who picked a ghetto name for you and that makes you come across as ghetto too so people may not want to hire you in the future but being called Anna, Lisa or Mary will change that. You just have to accept it because WE are the parents and WE decide that your name that your ghetto mama gave you is not good enough."

That really comes across as caring, understanding and empathetic and I'm sure would have gone over really well with your new child who just had their whole world turned upside down. I can assure you that had I been adopted by any of my foster parents and they would have decided to change my name I would have held a huge grudge against them and it probably would have caused me to hate them. That's definitely not a good way to start a parent/child relationship. I don't know if you don't understand or don't care how children experience and perceive things. Practicality seems much more important to you than a child's feelings.

[sheena12]

Dr. Destani Grant does not sound likely.

[sheena12]

Originally Posted by Lizita

Sure, "I know you've been Destani for all your 12 years of life and that that's your identity. But you've now been dumped here with a bunch of strangers that are going to be your new mom and dad and you're going to have to adjust to new food, new traditions, new rules, new town, new friends, new school, new and confusing everything. But WE are the parents now and WE make the decisions around here so we have decided that you're not going to be called Destani anymore. You have to pick between Anna, Lisa or Mary. You see, your birthmom was a poor teenager from a ghetto culture who picked a ghetto name for you and that makes you come across as ghetto too so people may not want to hire you in the future but being called Anna, Lisa or Mary will change that. You just have to accept it because WE are the parents and WE decide that your name that your ghetto mama gave you is not good enough."

That really comes across as caring, understanding and empathetic and I'm sure would have gone over really well with your new child who just had their whole world turned upside down. I can assure you that had I been adopted by any of my foster parents and they would have decided to change my name I would have held a huge grudge against them and it probably would have caused me to hate them. That's definitely not a good way to start a parent/child relationship. I don't know if you don't understand or don't care how children experience and perceive things. Practicality seems much more important to you than a child's feelings.

Adoption is NOT being "dumped with a bunch of strangers," Your contempt for the way that I and others have built out family is hurtful.

[PippySkiddles]

Originally Posted by sheena12

Adoption is NOT being "dumped with a bunch of strangers," Your contempt for the way that I and others have built out family is hurtful.

Sheena, one of my very best friends and her husband were Foser Parents for a number of years. They had one little girl off and on, over and again from age 3 until age 5 when her mom was killed and the biological dad didn't want her. My friends adoped her and a psychologist told them to give her a new name to go with her new last name and to allow her input in the selection. Said it was an important part of letting go of the past

[no kudzu]

Originally Posted by sheena12

Adoption is NOT being "dumped with a bunch of strangers," Your contempt for the way that I and others have built out family is hurtful.

I can't rep you again so soon but wanted you to know I too am offended by this remark.