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Old 10-05-2012, 05:03 PM
 
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She is also only 16 Sheena. As you & Warren have repeatedly pointed out about teenagers on other threads, at 16 she is only a child & has not fully formed her sense of self. I know many Korean & Chinese adoptees personally who had no interest in their cultural heritage until they were well into their 20's; many had their interest in their country of origin & their biological family piqued when they had children of their own. And I am assuming that your son was in fact born in the US so that is his country of origin so he doesn't need to go anywhere to experience his own culture.

 
Old 10-05-2012, 05:04 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,862,394 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
For some children they can become important, for others, not as much.

My daughter has no interest in attending a famous Korean Culture Camp in Colorado. We have offered this to her repeatedly and she became angry with us. I can't shove Korea or Korean culture down her throat.
She is a 16 year old girl with a rather strong personality.

She has a rather good point though. We do hot force our son to attend Scandinavian, English, Irish or German or Polish heritage camps. In fact, his only interest in visiting Germany is to visit Dachau because of his abject hatred for Nazis and interest in World War II.

We are not a very ethnic family.When we travel, we do not do so for ethnic motivations, we go to places that interest us.

Our daughter feels connected to France because she is fluent in French.She also has an interest in visiting Australia and New Zealand.

On our next trip to NY City we are taking her to a Vegan Korean restaurant that I found out about, I'd like her to meet other Koreans who care about animals as she does.

As far as relatives, she is legally adopted and she has no interest in searching people out.She loves her family and she's happy and well adjusted.
I'd hate to have Korean Culture Camp shoved down my throat too. I don't like being put in boxes and your daughter sounds like that too. I would want to explore anything I wanted to explore on my own.

It is good to see she wants to visit both Australia and NZ as they are both lovely countries in their own right and very different scenically.

I love my family and I'm happy and well adjusted and I did decide to search people out. So there we are, we can see that the choice to search or not is in no way connected to the love we have for our family or our level of happiness or adjustment, since I wanted to and your daughter didn't, yet we are both happy
 
Old 10-05-2012, 06:43 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,664 posts, read 23,241,522 times
Reputation: 48847
Quote:
Originally Posted by susankate View Post
I'd hate to have Korean Culture Camp shoved down my throat too. I don't like being put in boxes and your daughter sounds like that too. I would want to explore anything I wanted to explore on my own.

It is good to see she wants to visit both Australia and NZ as they are both lovely countries in their own right and very different scenically.

I love my family and I'm happy and well adjusted and I did decide to search people out. So there we are, we can see that the choice to search or not is in no way connected to the love we have for our family or our level of happiness or adjustment, since I wanted to and your daughter didn't, yet we are both happy
I'm glad for you susankate! I really am. All I can say is that everything that works for one person, does not work for everyone.

Culture Camps are marketed towards adoptive parents as a way to keep your child connected with their origins. I agree that it's artificial, but sometimes we, who adopt trans racially sometimes think that it's what they should do. Sometimes we listen to too many people - when we should just listen to our own children.

Her interest in Australia and New Zealand comes from her experience at regular camp. She met friends and counselors who interested her in the culture.
We also have a branch of our family in NZ.
 
Old 10-05-2012, 06:46 PM
 
95 posts, read 62,386 times
Reputation: 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
For some children they can become important, for others, not as much.

My daughter has no interest in attending a famous Korean Culture Camp in Colorado. We have offered this to her repeatedly and she became angry with us. I can't shove Korea or Korean culture down her throat.
She is a 16 year old girl with a rather strong personality.

She has a rather good point though. We do hot force our son to attend Scandinavian, English, Irish or German or Polish heritage camps. In fact, his only interest in visiting Germany is to visit Dachau because of his abject hatred for Nazis and interest in World War II.

We are not a very ethnic family.When we travel, we do not do so for ethnic motivations, we go to places that interest us.

Our daughter feels connected to France because she is fluent in French.She also has an interest in visiting Australia and New Zealand.

On our next trip to NY City we are taking her to a Vegan Korean restaurant that I found out about, I'd like her to meet other Koreans who care about animals as she does.

As far as relatives, she is legally adopted and she has no interest in searching people out.She loves her family and she's happy and well adjusted.
We weren't talking about your daughter. Not sure why you keep bringing her up on this forum. She is only 16. Like I said, children become adults.
 
Old 10-05-2012, 07:09 PM
 
116 posts, read 85,444 times
Reputation: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky View Post
My genetics are a part of my identity, sure, but they are not my whole identity. I'm not saying that "just cause I don't know my blood relatives". My opinion is just as valid as yours. Just because several people have been in the same situation doesn't mean they will all feel the same way--and guess what factors into that--genetics! What I disagree with is the premise that my blood is my WHOLE identity. Neither nature nor nurture can be completely ignored and disregarded--both play a factor in how every one of us turns out.
This is very true! Nature influences nuture, and nuture influences nature.

My nearsightedness is inherited. But my adoptive parents didn't know this. I sat close to the TV, and was scolded for it. Then, I couldn't see the blackboard at school. The teacher suggested that my parents take me to get my eyes examined. I have been wearing glassses since I was 7. Nothing could have prevented my eyes getting worse. But being in school where a teacher noticed I couldn't see, and then that teacher explaining to my parents what she suspected, made it easier for my a-parents to accept that I really needed glasses and wasn't faking it.

There are many more examples. But I think it is important that adoptees are allowed to explore their feelings and confusion about how this plays out in their lives.
 
Old 10-05-2012, 07:25 PM
 
116 posts, read 85,444 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by withoutorigin View Post
I think it's totally innapropriate.

I was adopted as an infant. But, we don't stay infants for long! As I grew up I was so very happy to learn that my adoptive parents had retained my original name.

It seems like a simple thing but the fact that they kept my name meant more to me that I can express. It showed so much respect for me and for who I was before adoption.

I don't like how some people act like our lives start from adoption. It doesn't. We existed before our adoptions and the fact that my parents never tried to erase that part of my life earned them my ultimate love, respect and adoration.
Totally agree with you.

I, too, was adopted as an infant. I was never told that I had another name until my reunion at age 18. It was a shock to me that I had been named by my natural parents, been baptised, and that both my legal name and my religious name were ignored by my adoptive parents. It hurts. And then, they told the court the name they wanted for me. And the court ordred that my name be changed legally. And then my a-parents wanted me to go to Catholic schools, so they asked their lawyer to ask the church to change my baptismal certificate to my adoptive name, even though I was really baptised in the name given to me at birth, and the church changed my baptismal certificate, too. No, I was not re-baptised as no person can be re-baptised.

It hurts.
 
Old 10-05-2012, 07:34 PM
 
116 posts, read 85,444 times
Reputation: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by susankate View Post
We can argue Nature vs nurture until the cows come home.

The following is from Wikipedia:

Nature versus nurture - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

With a mention of adoption being as follows:



This bit is certainly true in my afamily:

Most adoption studies indicate that by adulthood the personalities of adopted siblings are little or no more similar than random pairs of strangers.

Actually, I was talking to my amom about this month and that is more or less what she said.
Ah, yes, susankate. I need to be reminded of pre-natal environment and our personalities being set.

How complex we all are!

Yes, I have been an introvert all my life and used to sit alone in my room, playing quietly.

I get very agitiated when out with too many people for too long. And my son is the same way. My daughter is veery much like her father, outgoing.
 
Old 10-05-2012, 07:45 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,862,394 times
Reputation: 1462
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I'm glad for you susankate! I really am. All I can say is that everything that works for one person, does not work for everyone.

Culture Camps are marketed towards adoptive parents as a way to keep your child connected with their origins. I agree that it's artificial, but sometimes we, who adopt trans racially sometimes think that it's what they should do. Sometimes we listen to too many people - when we should just listen to our own children.

Her interest in Australia and New Zealand comes from her experience at regular camp. She met friends and counselors who interested her in the culture.
We also have a branch of our family in NZ.
I did worry that some might misinterpret your two contiguous sentences:

As far as relatives, she is legally adopted and she has no interest in searching people out.She loves her family and she's happy and well adjusted.

as meaning that because she is happy and well adjusted, she must therefore have no interest in searching people out, so I thought I would just make it clear that in fact, one has nothing to do with each other - so I'm glad we agree on that
 
Old 10-05-2012, 08:20 PM
 
10,452 posts, read 10,627,661 times
Reputation: 12537
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaykee View Post
This is very true! Nature influences nuture, and nuture influences nature.

My nearsightedness is inherited. But my adoptive parents didn't know this. I sat close to the TV, and was scolded for it. Then, I couldn't see the blackboard at school. The teacher suggested that my parents take me to get my eyes examined. I have been wearing glassses since I was 7. Nothing could have prevented my eyes getting worse. But being in school where a teacher noticed I couldn't see, and then that teacher explaining to my parents what she suspected, made it easier for my a-parents to accept that I really needed glasses and wasn't faking it.

There are many more examples. But I think it is important that adoptees are allowed to explore their feelings and confusion about how this plays out in their lives.
I've always wondered if either of my biological parents have any of the eye problems I do. Some of my eye problems are genetic and some are a result of medical neglect and abuse. My parents really don't understand my eye problems at all. Then again, 6 eye doctors trying to explain them to my parents wasn't enough for them to get it either. One has to wonder how much of it is just intentional obtuseness. A part of me does wonder how blind I would be if I isolated the genetic factors from the environmental ones. In the one photo I have of my biological mother, her eyes are closed. I don't know if that's cause she's also blind or she just blinked during the photo.
 
Old 10-05-2012, 08:32 PM
 
116 posts, read 85,444 times
Reputation: 82
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
For some children they can become important, for others, not as much.

My daughter has no interest in attending a famous Korean Culture Camp in Colorado. We have offered this to her repeatedly and she became angry with us. I can't shove Korea or Korean culture down her throat.
She is a 16 year old girl with a rather strong personality.

She has a rather good point though. We do hot force our son to attend Scandinavian, English, Irish or German or Polish heritage camps. In fact, his only interest in visiting Germany is to visit Dachau because of his abject hatred for Nazis and interest in World War II.

We are not a very ethnic family.When we travel, we do not do so for ethnic motivations, we go to places that interest us.

Our daughter feels connected to France because she is fluent in French.She also has an interest in visiting Australia and New Zealand.

On our next trip to NY City we are taking her to a Vegan Korean restaurant that I found out about, I'd like her to meet other Koreans who care about animals as she does.

As far as relatives, she is legally adopted and she has no interest in searching people out.She loves her family and she's happy and well adjusted.


This is a note to the moderators:

When I first joined this site, about a week into my posting, one of the mods broke up a thread, took my comment and, while suggesting to me about it in a PM, went ahead and broke it away from the longer thread, making a new one. Consequently, my name was put on the new thread, and the discussion staggered and dwindled. But the real discussion continued on the longer original thread.

I guess I am perplexed.

When the discussion on this thread goes off to talk about other topics, rather than focus on names: to change names of adoptees or not, the comments are allowed.

Sheena is back talking about her daughter not being interested in her homeland, not being interested in searching, and that she's happy and well adjusted. THAT is not the topic of this thread.

And yes, I am guilty of meandering as well, as you can see by my most recent posts on this thread. Forgive me for sort-of following a discussion.

BUT having seen, yet again, Sheena bringing up her daughter in this way, well, Sheena, take this discussion to a new post of your own, please: make it all about your daughter. That way, any one who has anything to say about your daughter can do so there.
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