U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 09-19-2012, 06:05 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,122,267 times
Reputation: 48552

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark of the Moon View Post
Michael Jackson's children, though they might not be his *biologically*, were not adopted.

How did he get them? Do you mean he used donor sperm and a surrogate? I guess it would have been difficult for MJ to pass a home study.


I believe all she's saying is that what's typically seen is white parents adopting children of color -- not the other way around.
I think we might be seeing more of "the other way around" though soon. Part of it is that of available children who are bi-racial, they will tend to look the non-white race more than the white race.
Think our President and Kate Gosselins clan.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 09-19-2012, 06:25 PM
 
20,611 posts, read 12,957,629 times
Reputation: 5904
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I think we might be seeing more of "the other way around" though soon. Part of it is that of available children who are bi-racial, they will tend to look the non-white race more than the white race.
Think our President and Kate Gosselins clan.
Funny cause Kate's kids are mostly "white"; the father is 1/2 white and 1/2 Asian. Korean?

The "race" thing doesn't always mean anything. IF the parents are good; that'd trump race real quick IMHO.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-19-2012, 06:46 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,199,574 times
Reputation: 42502
Quote:
Originally Posted by InsaneTraveler View Post
Two posters so far have stated that they knew of other white children who were adopted by non-white families and that the family 'seemed' full of love, but I would rather get first hand accounts. Often, from the outside looking in there seems to be no problems. That is what so many would have guessed while watching my adoptive father and I when I was young. But the problems were very much there......
Just a reminder that the OP is specifically looking for first-hand accounts of this family scenario, i.e. you are the adopted parent or child.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-21-2012, 03:14 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
1,105 posts, read 2,897,482 times
Reputation: 2106
Quote:
Originally Posted by InsaneTraveler View Post
Are there any other white people out there that were adopted by non-white parents or just one non-white parent?

I am curious about this subject because I was adopted by a non-white man who my mother married shortly after my birth. After 25 years of life I see now how completely rare that situation is, though you often see white parents adopting non-white children. I did not meet my biological father until I was 19.

To those of you who have been in a similar situation as I, how did your bonding go with your adoptive parents/parent and did race play a role in your bonding with your parent/parents?

I was never able to bond with my adoptive father. A few years back I even paid a judge to return my name back to my mother's father's last name because I just never looked at the hispanic man my mother married (and is now divorced to) as a father. We were just too different in terms of hobbies, interests, values, and yes, color. I think people want to try to downplay the role that race plays in adoption, when it is a very real thing that can create very unique troubles for both the parents and children in the situation. At one time in my child hood I was even calling my adoptive father very racist names in retaliation to his discipline. This of course quickly landed me in a shrinks office for the entirety of 5th grade.

Today, I keep a cordial relationship with my adoptive father. We talk every few months or so. He knows I no longer share his name and he didn't ask why I changed it when I told him. His response was merely a "well, I am sure you have your reasons".

Anyone else out there adopted by non-white parents? Or are there any non-white parents out there that have adopted white children? Has race played any role in the connection you have with your children? Would you advise interracial adoption to other prospective parents?
Do you think your feelings against your adoptive father is necessarily because he's Hispanic or is it because he's not your bio dad? Do you think you would have felt differently or bonded better if the man your mom married was white?
You can of course feel well bonded with a parent even if you don't share color. My two youngest brothers don't share my dad's color or features. They are half Chinese and look much more Chinese than white. Still they are very bonded with the white side of their family. Race doesn't seem to be an issue. Had our dad been their adoptive father it may have been different though.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-22-2012, 09:22 PM
 
10,366 posts, read 8,361,533 times
Reputation: 19114
I am aware of a happily married interracial couple who are the parents of a large family which includes both biological children and adopted children of many different races and backgrounds, including caucasian, black, biracial, Roma, and I believe Asian. The father is black, the mother is white, all the children are thriving and the family is extremely loving.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2012, 07:28 AM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,122,267 times
Reputation: 48552
Quote:
Originally Posted by CraigCreek View Post
I am aware of a happily married interracial couple who are the parents of a large family which includes both biological children and adopted children of many different races and backgrounds, including caucasian, black, biracial, Roma, and I believe Asian. The father is black, the mother is white, all the children are thriving and the family is extremely loving.
This sounds like a beautiful family!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2012, 08:58 AM
 
1,024 posts, read 984,170 times
Reputation: 834
It appears as though the OP has retreated due to people claiming color blindness instead of acknowledging that adoptees can & do struggle with issues of race both in & outside of their families.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2012, 09:56 AM
 
125 posts, read 131,417 times
Reputation: 110
Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme View Post
It appears as though the OP has retreated due to people claiming color blindness instead of acknowledging that adoptees can & do struggle with issues of race both in & outside of their families.
I thought the same thing. The OP had asked for specific responses, not for "I know someone who..." It all looks very different from the outside, and as we know in adoptee land, there's always the person whose hairdresser/cousin/neighbor/butcher etc. knows someone who thinks/says/feels JUST the opposite of you, to undermine what you've just said about feeling loss, frustration, not fitting in, wanting your OBC. But you never talk or hear from said person himself or herself.

I greatly dislike being shut down by phantoms.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2012, 12:30 PM
 
10,366 posts, read 8,361,533 times
Reputation: 19114
Sorry, I inadvertently overlooked the OP's request that responses be limited to those from individuals with direct personal experience with adoption by a parent who was not Caucasian.

I do not like being termed a "phantom", however, as my previous post was well-intentioned and quite accurate, and I do not understand how the presence of posts such as my earlier one can possible result in anyone's being "shut down". If you have something useful to contribute, by all means, do so!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 09-23-2012, 02:03 PM
 
5,368 posts, read 5,129,750 times
Reputation: 3308
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizita View Post
Do you think your feelings against your adoptive father is necessarily because he's Hispanic or is it because he's not your bio dad? Do you think you would have felt differently or bonded better if the man your mom married was white?
You can of course feel well bonded with a parent even if you don't share color. My two youngest brothers don't share my dad's color or features. They are half Chinese and look much more Chinese than white. Still they are very bonded with the white side of their family. Race doesn't seem to be an issue. Had our dad been their adoptive father it may have been different though.
Race definitely played a part in the inability of me and my adoptive father to bond. I think this barrier really came into force when I was in 3rd grade or so. I went to schools that were about 80% hispanic, 15% haitian, 5% white.

I was picked on considerably by the Hispanics in my classes. I didn't speak Spanish and many of these kids spoke it as a first language, making it hard for me to bond with them or join in on conversation. I also tended to make excellent grades when most of the Hispanics did not. It didn't take long for me to affiliate my adopted father and half brother with these people that I so didn't get along with or have anything in common with in school. Isolation and sort of a racial superiority complex came into my mind that made it very difficult for me to accept my adoptive father's authority. In fact, he had no authority over me, which is what also lead me to the psychiatrists office.

Your example is good, but two things are different. Your siblings aren't adopted, and even though they don't look European, they still have that blood in their veins. This probably makes it easier for them to get over the racial differences between them and their white relatives. Your siblings story is similar to my half brother's. He looks nothing like his white relatives, but he is still very close to them.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top