U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 09-27-2012, 07:50 AM
 
10,452 posts, read 10,591,254 times
Reputation: 12532

Advertisements

I decided to create this thread because we always seem to be going off-topic in the threads that we post in, and keep getting reminders to stay on-topic. In the course of discussion, especially about such sensitive issues as adoption, the topic naturally changes. I wanted to create this thread so we could talk about adoption and let one topic turn into another naturally without having to lose the flow of the thread by splicing up off-topic threads into new threads and so on. I'm thinking we can start by quoting any posts from other threads that we want to expand on and letting that be a starter for more discussion.

 
Old 09-27-2012, 08:12 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,186,891 times
Reputation: 42502
Thanks, Nim! Very much appreciated.

I don't want to stifle the threads either, but also I don't want them to become all the same thread. Starting a new one is a great idea.
 
Old 09-27-2012, 09:09 AM
 
10,365 posts, read 8,352,241 times
Reputation: 19114
Great idea! Thanks, Nim.
 
Old 09-27-2012, 09:56 AM
 
10,452 posts, read 10,591,254 times
Reputation: 12532
For starters, I wanted to say something about all the adoption threads in general.

I feel like there is a lot of communication breakdown in these threads. People are responding to their assumptions of what other people meant, when that might not be what they meant, instead of listening to what they said. Because people have such strong emotions, they don't always hear what others are actually saying. As a result, there's a lot of skewing going on and I think it's because there are strong emotions tied to adoption for everyone (for all involved: adoptive parents, adoptees, bio parents, and bio relatives of adoptees).

Of course the fact that this topic is so personal makes it much harder to have these debates, and words are exchanged that are often not meant as attacks but that come across as such. Sometimes people say their opinion without realizing that they are attacking. And some of us become overly defensive, thinking we're being attacked when we're not. It would be helpful to all of us if we became more aware of this by trying to really put our own emotions aside and hear what the other person is saying before we respond, and then letting our emotions back into the picture once we have gotten a more clear sense of what others are saying.

Adoption is a sensitive topic. Because of the nature of the topic, we should try to be really careful in how we choose our words, and realize that sometimes even something that may just be our opinions may feel attacking to someone else. On the flip side, we should also keep in mind that sometimes someone else is just expressing their opinion, and it might feel like personal attack, but they might not have meant it that way. It might have nothing to do with you. When we attack, whether intentionally or unintentionally, or feel attacked, this is our families we're talking about. Bearing that in mind I feel will help these discussions go a lot more smoothly.

Just some food for thought.
 
Old 09-27-2012, 12:08 PM
 
Location: Western Canada
89 posts, read 101,575 times
Reputation: 144
I'm surprised that adoption gets a category in parenting but there is nowhere on city-data for adoptees. Those who are always complaining that APs get no voice should try observing reality. You have a forum section here, NO ONE ELSE IN THE TRIAD DOES! There is a whole section for adoptive parents but is nothing for adoptees or birth parents on city-data. I looked in grief and mourning, in health and wellness, in non-romantic relationships, in people search, in politics and other controversies, in relationships or even in other topics. No place for adoptees, no place for birth parents, only for adoptive parents.

Anyone else feel that the other two-thirds of the triad should be fairly represented on city-data?
 
Old 09-27-2012, 12:38 PM
 
1,024 posts, read 983,803 times
Reputation: 834
Yes, Scott I noticed that as well & in the beginning I was asked to start a thread in Great Debates in order to share my views on adoption, a thread in which many people post but very few are probably adoptees themselves. Made it seem like adoptive parents were free to say whatever they like about adoption, but adoptee's views were debatable. Perhaps there should be more subforums added, or a separate, more complete Adoption category made?
 
Old 09-27-2012, 12:39 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,906 posts, read 36,186,891 times
Reputation: 42502
This is the forum for topics related to adoption. Adoption-related topics can go on other boards, like Politics & Other Controversies, Grief & Mourning, People Search, etc. If the moderators of those boards think a thread is more relevant over here, it'll be moved. Sometimes I move threads to other forums as appropriate. This board isn't just for parents who adopt. It's for anybody who wants to post about adoption.

Edited to add: Also, please keep in mind that this forum was only recently added to City-Data. Time flies on CD, but I think it's only a couple months old. Most of the threads here were moved en masse from other boards, mostly Parenting.

Last edited by JustJulia; 09-27-2012 at 01:04 PM..
 
Old 09-27-2012, 12:45 PM
 
95 posts, read 62,212 times
Reputation: 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme View Post
Yes, Scott I noticed that as well & in the beginning I was asked to start a thread in Great Debates in order to share my views on adoption, a thread in which many people post but very few are probably adoptees themselves. Made it seem like adoptive parents were free to say whatever they like about adoption, but adoptee's views were debatable. Perhaps there should be more subforums added, or a separate, more complete Adoption category made?
Great Debates? Hmmm.....interesting. I have to say that category never crossed my mind.
 
Old 09-27-2012, 03:35 PM
 
Location: Western Canada
89 posts, read 101,575 times
Reputation: 144
Quote:
Originally Posted by JustJulia View Post
Edited to add: Also, please keep in mind that this forum was only recently added to City-Data. Time flies on CD, but I think it's only a couple months old. Most of the threads here were moved en masse from other boards, mostly Parenting.
Thanks for that info Julia. Makes sense why I didn't see anything elsewhere, it had all been tidied up and filed here. Just a 'what if', but if 'Parenting' was renamed 'Families' it could cover all of the stuff Parenting currently does and include adoption as well as some other related topics. Many posters are in their 40s and 50s and may have a dependent family member on the other side of the hill and be dealing with Alzheimer's, seniors homes, care facilities, etc.
 
Old 09-27-2012, 03:52 PM
 
11,151 posts, read 14,112,238 times
Reputation: 18795
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott_K View Post
Thanks for that info Julia. Makes sense why I didn't see anything elsewhere, it had all been tidied up and filed here. Just a 'what if', but if 'Parenting' was renamed 'Families' it could cover all of the stuff Parenting currently does and include adoption as well as some other related topics. Many posters are in their 40s and 50s and may have a dependent family member on the other side of the hill and be dealing with Alzheimer's, seniors homes, care facilities, etc.
Any decisions about new forums, or even renaming old ones, are made by Administrator (the site owner) -- the moderators have no control over that.

You're welcome to post your suggestion in the About the Forum forum.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Adoption
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:29 PM.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. | Please obey Forum Rules | Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top