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I decided to create this thread because we always seem to be going off-topic in the threads that we post in, and keep getting reminders to stay on-topic. In the course of discussion, especially about such sensitive issues as adoption, the topic naturally changes. I wanted to create this thread so we could talk about adoption and let one topic turn into another naturally without having to lose the flow of the thread by splicing up off-topic threads into new threads and so on. I'm thinking we can start by quoting any posts from other threads that we want to expand on and letting that be a starter for more discussion.
For starters, I wanted to say something about all the adoption threads in general.
I feel like there is a lot of communication breakdown in these threads. People are responding to their assumptions of what other people meant, when that might not be what they meant, instead of listening to what they said. Because people have such strong emotions, they don't always hear what others are actually saying. As a result, there's a lot of skewing going on and I think it's because there are strong emotions tied to adoption for everyone (for all involved: adoptive parents, adoptees, bio parents, and bio relatives of adoptees).
Of course the fact that this topic is so personal makes it much harder to have these debates, and words are exchanged that are often not meant as attacks but that come across as such. Sometimes people say their opinion without realizing that they are attacking. And some of us become overly defensive, thinking we're being attacked when we're not. It would be helpful to all of us if we became more aware of this by trying to really put our own emotions aside and hear what the other person is saying before we respond, and then letting our emotions back into the picture once we have gotten a more clear sense of what others are saying.
Adoption is a sensitive topic. Because of the nature of the topic, we should try to be really careful in how we choose our words, and realize that sometimes even something that may just be our opinions may feel attacking to someone else. On the flip side, we should also keep in mind that sometimes someone else is just expressing their opinion, and it might feel like personal attack, but they might not have meant it that way. It might have nothing to do with you. When we attack, whether intentionally or unintentionally, or feel attacked, this is our families we're talking about. Bearing that in mind I feel will help these discussions go a lot more smoothly.
I'm surprised that adoption gets a category in parenting but there is nowhere on city-data for adoptees. Those who are always complaining that APs get no voice should try observing reality. You have a forum section here, NO ONE ELSE IN THE TRIAD DOES! There is a whole section for adoptive parents but is nothing for adoptees or birth parents on city-data. I looked in grief and mourning, in health and wellness, in non-romantic relationships, in people search, in politics and other controversies, in relationships or even in other topics. No place for adoptees, no place for birth parents, only for adoptive parents.
Anyone else feel that the other two-thirds of the triad should be fairly represented on city-data?
Yes, Scott I noticed that as well & in the beginning I was asked to start a thread in Great Debates in order to share my views on adoption, a thread in which many people post but very few are probably adoptees themselves. Made it seem like adoptive parents were free to say whatever they like about adoption, but adoptee's views were debatable. Perhaps there should be more subforums added, or a separate, more complete Adoption category made?
This is the forum for topics related to adoption. Adoption-related topics can go on other boards, like Politics & Other Controversies, Grief & Mourning, People Search, etc. If the moderators of those boards think a thread is more relevant over here, it'll be moved. Sometimes I move threads to other forums as appropriate. This board isn't just for parents who adopt. It's for anybody who wants to post about adoption.
Edited to add: Also, please keep in mind that this forum was only recently added to City-Data. Time flies on CD, but I think it's only a couple months old. Most of the threads here were moved en masse from other boards, mostly Parenting.
Last edited by JustJulia; 09-27-2012 at 01:04 PM..
Yes, Scott I noticed that as well & in the beginning I was asked to start a thread in Great Debates in order to share my views on adoption, a thread in which many people post but very few are probably adoptees themselves. Made it seem like adoptive parents were free to say whatever they like about adoption, but adoptee's views were debatable. Perhaps there should be more subforums added, or a separate, more complete Adoption category made?
Great Debates? Hmmm.....interesting. I have to say that category never crossed my mind.
Edited to add: Also, please keep in mind that this forum was only recently added to City-Data. Time flies on CD, but I think it's only a couple months old. Most of the threads here were moved en masse from other boards, mostly Parenting.
Thanks for that info Julia. Makes sense why I didn't see anything elsewhere, it had all been tidied up and filed here. Just a 'what if', but if 'Parenting' was renamed 'Families' it could cover all of the stuff Parenting currently does and include adoption as well as some other related topics. Many posters are in their 40s and 50s and may have a dependent family member on the other side of the hill and be dealing with Alzheimer's, seniors homes, care facilities, etc.
Thanks for that info Julia. Makes sense why I didn't see anything elsewhere, it had all been tidied up and filed here. Just a 'what if', but if 'Parenting' was renamed 'Families' it could cover all of the stuff Parenting currently does and include adoption as well as some other related topics. Many posters are in their 40s and 50s and may have a dependent family member on the other side of the hill and be dealing with Alzheimer's, seniors homes, care facilities, etc.
Any decisions about new forums, or even renaming old ones, are made by Administrator (the site owner) -- the moderators have no control over that.
You're welcome to post your suggestion in the About the Forum forum.
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