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Old 10-04-2012, 09:13 AM
 
Location: Western Canada
89 posts, read 102,112 times
Reputation: 144

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Cases like this are why adult adoptees are advocating change for the adoption industry. We are not against saving children. We are against them being taken unwillingly from loving mothers who gave birth to them and want to keep them. We are against using food and money as leverage against young mothers, against virtually imprisoning them or their children to trick them into providing a signature on a release form. I would like to add that this is did not happen in the dirty closed baby-scoop adoption era when we closed adoption adults went through it, it is happening now as a direct result of the huge sums PAPs are willing to pay for a baby.

BBC News - Nigerian's battle to keep her baby

Quote:
A doting, smiling mother cradles her first born caressing his tiny fingers in her hand. But 16-year-old Affiong Ene Essien is close to tears when she describes her journey to motherhood and says she was almost forced to give up her baby for adoption.

Affiong had been sharing a simple one room rented home in south-east Nigeria's Akwa Ibom State with her mother, her sister and young niece. Her parents say they had no idea about their daughter's pregnancy when she went missing.

Last edited by JustJulia; 10-05-2012 at 05:45 AM.. Reason: please do not quote lengthy copyrighted passages - against TOS
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:30 AM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,848,599 times
Reputation: 3121
Oh I think that 100% of the posters would agree with you that this was a horrible situation. I'm glad that it was a happy outcome for this young mother. There certainly does need to be reform in this area and better oversight.
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:38 AM
 
95 posts, read 62,422 times
Reputation: 55
The thing I hate about these stories is that people read them and say, oh that's horrible for this girl and they are outraged. However, they are only outraged for this one particular girl and they say to themselves, this is an isolated case, when in fact it is not. Then I am labeled "anti-adoption" because I want ethical adoptions.
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:45 AM
 
10,511 posts, read 8,441,653 times
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I, too, am glad there was a happy ending to this very sad story. It's clear that lies are being told, as the various individuals interviewed for this article tell very different stories, and that the organization to which this young mother turned needs to be investigated. It may be that the entire organization is corrupt, or it may be that some employees are responsible for the wrong-doing. In either case, investigation and rectification are needed - badly.

Such stories cast a pall of suspicion on the honest, ethical organizations which offer valuable assistance to young mothers and their children and to abandoned children. When I read this article, a very similar story came to mind: Bible Orphan Ministry, in Ukraine, is helping two young teenage mothers, both orphanage "graduates" from extremely dysfunctional biological families, find housing and care for their tiny babies, both born this past summer. But BOM is ethical, and is offering a helping hand to these young teens, so they will not be forced to live on the streets or relinquish their babies, and so that the babies will have opportunities previously denied their parents. What a difference.
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:49 AM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,848,599 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marymarym View Post
The thing I hate about these stories is that people read them and say, oh that's horrible for this girl and they are outraged. However, they are only outraged for this one particular girl and they say to themselves, this is an isolated case, when in fact it is not. Then I am labeled "anti-adoption" because I want ethical adoptions.
I think that you are being a bit pessimistic in thinking this. I think that the majority of people want ethical adoptions and reform needs to happen, especially in certain countries. It is good that articles like this are being circulated. It illustrates a serious problem. Thanks for posting Scott.
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:52 AM
 
1,014 posts, read 987,358 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Scott_K View Post
Cases like this are why adult adoptees are advocating change for the adoption industry. I would like to add that this is did not happen in the dirty closed baby-scoop adoption era when we closed adoption adults went through it, it is happening now as a direct result of the huge sums PAPs are willing to pay for a baby.
Yes, thank you for posting this Scott as so many people seem clueless as to why reform is so necessary.
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Old 10-04-2012, 11:08 AM
 
1,014 posts, read 987,358 times
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A number of adoptive families have practiced what they believed to be due diligence, yet sadly ended up finalizing unethical adoptions. This is why we continue to stress the need for reform.

Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 10-10-2012 at 04:06 PM..
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Old 10-04-2012, 02:11 PM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,848,599 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme View Post
A number of adoptive families have practiced what they believed to be due diligence, yet sadly ended up finalizing unethical adoptions. This is why we continue to stress the need for reform.
I agree with you. There are some serious issues in the adoption industry. I would also venture a guess that for every unethical adoption though, there are many other adoptions that have done everything by the book. My only plea to you and others that feel so passionately on this topic is not to not write off all adoptions as something that is to be looked at with suspicion and negativity. I'm not saying that you personally do this but the tone in some of the posts that I've read have been a bit passive-aggressive and will evoke a defensive response. I certainly have felt defensive and heck, I think we did everything properly. That is why I keep commenting on my personal situation. Most parents in my adoption group also went through hell and back to adopt and went through the same tough process.

Let's take this thread for example. I liked reading the article and it highlighted a serious problem. I would love to see more articles we can discuss. I would love to see some positive articles as well. I commented saying that I would venture that most folks would agree (trying to be positive and find common ground here). Unfortunately, the following posts started the debate up again Why? Instead of throwing stones at one another, lets find common ground. That is all I'm asking.

One more edit. You talk a bit about shady adoptions. We actually started out with an agency that will remain unnamed. I was REALLY uncomfortable with a few things from our intial interview and we didn't pursue that option. There were several red flags that made us quite uncomfortable. When you are dealing with a human life, heck yeah, that kind of stuff needs to be looked at and looked at pretty hard. I agree.

Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 10-10-2012 at 04:07 PM..
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Old 10-04-2012, 04:40 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,863,745 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by thethreefoldme View Post
A number of adoptive families have practiced what they believed to be due diligence, yet sadly ended up finalizing unethical adoptions. This is why we continue to stress the need for reform.
That's very true.

The following post and video from the Riley's in Uganda blog shows a story about a boy, whom if he had been adopted, everyone would no doubt have said "we adopted ethically".

Rileys in Uganda: Out of Here

Right from the start, the author of the blog felt that this particular boy didn't seem to belong there as he seemed very well looked after. She encouraged the home to try and find his family but they found no-one and he was made available for international adoption. One day, the author asked to see the file and and discovered that there was a phone number and name in there. She went to the police station and when they called the number, it was the boy's dad - the name and mobile number had been in the file all along. It transpired that the boy and his dad had been in a terrible accident and while his father was being treated in hospital, he ended up in a baby's home and got lost in the system.

So one can see that the baby's home didn't make much of an effort to try and find this child's father. Yet if he had ended up beng adopted, no-one would have realised that this lack of due diligence had happened. And as it says at the beginning of the video, it is not a unique case, it happens all the time.
If he had ended up being taken to another baby's home called Malaika's Baby Home, the very first thing they would have done was try to locate this family and he probably would have been straight back home instead of spending months in another baby's home where the emphasis was more on IA.

This is not a dig at any adoptive parents who would have adopted him. I have no doubt that if he had been adopted, the APs adopting him would have felt that it was an ethical adoption. However, the basics in searching for his family wasn't done. This is not a unique case. I am sure that if he had been adopted and the APs had discovered that he had a dad who loved him and missed him, they would have been heartbroken too.

Updates:

Rileys in Uganda: For little hearts to heal

This blog is very worth reading - they are a Christian Welsh couple who are very inspiring. This post is about the uphill battle they are facing in trying to get children out of orphanages back into homes:

Rileys in Uganda: Your task it to be true, not popular

Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 10-10-2012 at 04:07 PM..
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Old 10-04-2012, 05:17 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,863,745 times
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Malaika's Baby Home is one that tries to find the original families of abandoned babies and, if possible, settles them back with those families and, yes, that also includes the mothers of said babies:

This video goes to answering a lot of questions that many on here might be asking:

Child's i Foundation

They also do checks up for 3 years afterwards.

Of course, not all children can be resettled so some children are also adopted by Ugandan families. The founder of the home was original told that "Ugandans don't adopt" so she took to the airways and has found over 100 homes for children. They also do checks for 3 years afterwards as well.

Last edited by susankate; 10-04-2012 at 05:35 PM..
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