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Old 10-06-2012, 10:21 AM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
35,958 posts, read 37,389,263 times
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Any adult adoptees who feel their lives have been positively influenced by adoption please post your stories here.

Adoption can be a Blessing.
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Old 10-06-2012, 11:28 AM
 
1,516 posts, read 1,598,831 times
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I would like to post some really positive stories that have stood out in my mind. When I was growing up, one of my best friends was an adoptee. I always knew because she was a fulled Navajo Indian. Extremely loving family and my friend was a well adjusted happy person. This was back in the 70's and no one really thought anything of it. Of course we lived in a culturally diverse area so that probably helped. Even though she looked quite different from her mother, no one really remarked about it.

-A company commander I had the pleasure of serving with in the Army. He was an adoptee and told a funny story about his adoptive family. He was the only one in the family that looked like his adoptive parents---the rest of the biological siblings weren't even close. Strangers would remark on the strong family resemblance whereever they went and it was a humorous story the family loved sharing. In his words, "Adoption was truly a blessing for me and I love my parents with all my heart." In one of our discussions, I asked him if he ever wanted to seek out his bio parents. His reply, "Nope, not interested. I have my family." I really liked chatting with him about adoption since we were just starting out on our adoption process. He was so wonderfully supportive and gave me so much encouragement.

-The librarian we came across in the library while we were checking out a book on adoption. She looked us in the eyes and relayed that she was adopted. "It was the biggest blessing in my life and one of the best things that could have happened to me."

-Finally, our daughter's therapist. As I've probably stated before on these boards, we are dealing with a whole host of issues that probably stem from my daughter being institutionalized since almost birth. Her therapist had a whole host of issues and began therapy while she was in college. She is now happy, well adjusted and went into the field of helping others. In fact, she is very vocal in the adoption community and has presented papers at various conferences. We have had many heart to heart discussions about adoption and she is very supportive and positive. She also thinks that addressing our daughter's issues now rather than later is a positive thing as well.

Just a few comments from me No Kudzu even though I'm not an adult adoptee, I wanted to share a few experiences from a few adult adoptees. Thank you so much for starting this thread, especially if we do have people that may be lurking looking for some support in their own adoption process. As an adoptive parent, I always like to hear some positive things as well.
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Old 10-17-2012, 12:13 PM
 
3,652 posts, read 9,363,046 times
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*sigh* Its why I don't come on this board. It just seems to be very anti-.

As for me, love my parents. Was raised like anyone else in the '70s and '80s. Found out last year that I am adopted. Wasn't shocked by it, wasn't particularly upset by it. My parents were fantastic parents, and I am glad they raised me -- literally can't imagine my life any other way.

I have been caring for them for the past 4 years, recently my mother just passed away - and I am terribly saddened. Even though she was more dependent than mom the last 4 years .... she was a really wonderful (and strong!) lady, and I am so glad I had her in my life.

So, I don't know what you're looking for no kudzu - because I don't consider myself a "positive" or a "negative" story. I simply am. And I've had a good life, no small part due to the hard work and love and care of my parents, who I happen to not be related to biologically. And I wouldn't choose differently, if I had that option.
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Old 10-17-2012, 04:12 PM
 
Location: IL
12,945 posts, read 10,730,972 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no kudzu View Post
Any adult adoptees who feel their lives have been positively influenced by adoption please post your stories here.

Adoption can be a Blessing.
So if people post their own experiences of adoption, and they don't align with your unicorns, rainbows, and puppies version, you are going to report them to the mods again?

Seriously NK, if you want people to share their life experiences I am very surprised that you have determined only certain experiences are worth sharing.

(I did follow the previous debacle)
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Old 10-17-2012, 05:04 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,602,183 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Briolat21 View Post
*sigh* Its why I don't come on this board. It just seems to be very anti-.

As for me, love my parents. Was raised like anyone else in the '70s and '80s. Found out last year that I am adopted. Wasn't shocked by it, wasn't particularly upset by it. My parents were fantastic parents, and I am glad they raised me -- literally can't imagine my life any other way.

I have been caring for them for the past 4 years, recently my mother just passed away - and I am terribly saddened. Even though she was more dependent than mom the last 4 years .... she was a really wonderful (and strong!) lady, and I am so glad I had her in my life.

So, I don't know what you're looking for no kudzu - because I don't consider myself a "positive" or a "negative" story. I simply am. And I've had a good life, no small part due to the hard work and love and care of my parents, who I happen to not be related to biologically. And I wouldn't choose differently, if I had that option.
I simply *am* as well.

I suppose the thing about adoption is that each side may consider "adoption" to be a different thing. For example, when online adoptive parents are referring to "adoption", they often seem to be referring to the actual adoption. Online adoptees and bmoms often consider "adoption" to refer to the relinquishment and adoption. Thus, we are often looking at things from a different angle.

So I will answer specific questions.
1) Did I, having been relinquished, end up in a good home?
Well, I never felt unloved or unsafe. I love my aparents and asiblings and they love me. I think you will find that many adoptees on here feel the above about their families. So, on that count, if an adoptive parent is reading this and needs reassurance that they will be loved by their child, then I am sure that that will be the case in most cases.

2) Did my aparents do the right thing in regards to making us feel comfortable about talking about adoption?
I do think that my APs did do the right thing there. They explained about our adoptions in an objective way so that we were able to process our stories without undue influence. I never had an unrealistic view of bfamily which did help when making contact with bfamily. Actually, I'm one of those where the "reality" (except for the obvious) was better than I could have hoped.

I think when telling my amom about my bfamily, she was very happy that they are so nice. One thing I have noticed with fellow adoptees is that when the afamily is supportive re reunion, then the relationship between afamily and adoptee is often made stronger. So, on that count, if an adoptive parent is reading this and needs reassurance that their child won't "abandon" them once they meet their bfamily, then they can be reassured that if they are supportive, there is a good chance their child will respect them for that and they will feel that their parents loved them unconditionally. If an adoptive parent feels insecure about the contact and makes their child feel that they are betraying them by doing so, then the adoptee can end up feeling that their parents love was conditional.

So
1) I ended up in a good home.
2) My amom (adad has passed away) has been very supportive.

Having said that, being a protective person, I have not wanted her to feel unloved when talking about my bfamily. Once I was showing her pictures of my bmom and family and telling her about them and she was commenting on how nice they seemed and she could see that they would have been a nice family to grow up in. I thought then I'd better reassure her and so I said "Well, it probably turned about for the best that I was adopted because if I hadn't, I probably would have lost my mother at 16" and she said "No, darling, you would have coped" because she was thinking of her own mum who died when my mum was 18. So I really appreciated that she didn't allow me to justify my adoption that way.

I think I have a big enough heart that even though I have my afamily, I have room also in my heart for my bfamily. I don't play the "either/or" game. I don't feel that because I have my afamily, it doesn't mean that I can't also care for my bfamily. I searched for my bfamily not becuase of being maladjusted, unloved or ungrateful but because I was curious and wanted to know more about them. I have ended up liking them and thus to me that is a good adoption story.

I am a 60s adoptee and thus from the era where there were very few options for unmarried mothers so thus if you ask me do I think my adoption was a blessing because when faced with few options, my bmom probably made the only choice she felt she could make, then not really, because I would rather my bmom and others had more options so they could have made a truly uncompromised decision. At the time, adoption was more about finding children for families rather than the other way around and thus I certainly don't think it was blessing that millions of children were separated from their bparents to fill a demand. If you are asking me whether I would prefer to grow up in my adoptive family vs bfamily, then again I can't answer that because I feel my life would have been different rather than worse or better. I am *unfortunate* enough to have a bfamily equal in quality to my afamily which sadly turns me into an ungrateful adoptee because I am not prepared to say that in my case I don't know if being adopted was a blessing.

However, I suspect that my amom agrees with me so in that case it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks as my amom is secure enough to realise that our love for each other isn't conditional on my thinking of my adoption as being a blessing. She understands that adoption is a very complicated thing. However, I love ALL my families and that, to me, is a truly positive adoption story
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Old 10-21-2012, 11:55 AM
 
Location: East coast-New England
1,638 posts, read 1,517,676 times
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I was adopted at 8 months old. Before that I was a child of the state. Dont know really what happened. Kinda heard that my bmom got pregnant by someone other than her husband at the time. Dont know how true that is.

Anyway, I was raised by my a-parents. My a-dad died when I was 15, and my a-mom is strill alive, and I help care for her now. I am very devoted to her, and I have never been treated as anything but their child. I had a good live, and a good upbringing. Because of them, I feel I stayed on the right track and did well for myself. So, I suppose I would be considered a 'positive' story.

The only thing I miss is actually knowing if I have other bro/sis, what exact nationality/ethnicity I am (ive been told black/white and I looked mixed). I never questioned my a-parents, and now my mom is elderly and has a touch of alzheimers, so I dont know what good info i'd get now.

Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 10-21-2012 at 05:51 PM.. Reason: Moved off-topic comments to a new thread
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Old 10-21-2012, 04:23 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,602,183 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerFall View Post
Anyway, I was raised by my a-parents. My a-dad died when I was 15, and my a-mom is strill alive, and I help care for her now. I am very devoted to her, and I have never been treated as anything but their child. I had a good live, and a good upbringing. Because of them, I feel I stayed on the right track and did well for myself. So, I suppose I would be considered a 'positive' story.
I am glad you had a good upbringing, so did I

Quote:
The only thing I miss is actually knowing if I have other bro/sis, what exact nationality/ethnicity I am (ive been told black/white and I looked mixed). I never questioned my a-parents, and now my mom is elderly and has a touch of alzheimers, so I dont know what good info i'd get now.
Many adoptees I know are interested in siblings first. I know I was, as I was a bit ambivalent about how I felt about my bmom. Like you, I did think "well if she had wanted to know me she would have contacted me by now", however, in my case, that was never going to happen (as she died young) but I now realise that, in fact, many bmoms are too scared to try to contact their child.

Btw have you checked the adoption.com registries?

Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 10-21-2012 at 05:59 PM..
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Old 10-21-2012, 06:57 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,602,183 times
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Just wanted to point out to all that both summerfall and my posts have been split into 2 and a new thread created by the moderators.
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Old 10-21-2012, 07:12 PM
 
11,151 posts, read 13,079,065 times
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Yes, because there were two different topics being discussed. Rather than have one thread go off-topic (again), there are now separate threads for each.


If anyone has any questions about that, please DM me directly. Otherwise, the topic of this thread is Positive Adult Adoptee Support, so let's stick to that.

Thanks.
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Old 10-08-2014, 08:02 PM
 
1 posts, read 1,910 times
Reputation: 11
My birth mom recently contacted me....i now know that im the second oldest child of 11 children and first born daughter...i just feel conflicted...sad...excited...and mostly guilty....guilty because i dont want my birth mom to feel like i hate her as well as my adopted family. My adopted mom and dad died when i was younger. I just feel like now my folks mostly my aunt feel like its my fault she contacted me...so little jabs and insults come my way more so then they did before. I dont know....anymore....i at least talk with my baby sister...but i feel like i wasnt there for her...i hate that circumstances prevented me from doing so. I hate this guilt feeling...i just want everyone to be happy...
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