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I have a daughter, now 9, that was adopted at birth. I think calling a birthmother or birthfather a birth person is insulting towards them. If these people didn't love their child enough to know that they could not provide for that child, you would not have that child. When my daughter's birthmother had just relinquished her rights in court we hugged and were both crying. I was happy to legally have my daughter, but I was also very sad for her and the pain and loss she was feeling, it tore me up inside. I think referring to her or my daughter's birthfather (passed away) as a birth person is offensive. Having 3 biological sons I cannot imagine how painful it would be to place my baby for adoption, to leave the hospital with full breasts and empty arms, and I feel they deserve more.
Thank you for sharing this, brokencrayola. It encourages me as an adoptee when adoptive parents show this level of compassion and acknowledge that adoption involves pain and loss. Because I know that your daughter will be raised knowing that you have put yourself in the shoes of her natural mother. If you as an adoptive parent are already sensitive to the pain and loss experienced by your daughter's natural mother, it is my feeling that you will also be sensitive to any thoughts of pain or loss experienced by your daughter as well. And this is extremely respectful of your daughter's experience as an adoptee. Thanks for offering your differing view point as an adoptive parent.
My adoptive parents are my real parents. My adoptive sister is my real sister. My adoptive family is my real family. It takes more than nine months (six in my case) of carrying a baby to get the title of parent in my book. I don't look down on my genetic parents, but they are not my parents. They have even less of a role in my life than other people who also don't get the title of parent either--teachers, friends of parents, coworkers, etc. I respect the role they had in my conception, but the title of parent is reserved for those who actually involved themselves with raising me. I consider other influential adults who contributed to raising me honorary aunts and uncles as well. That is my opinion. I plan to adopt someday. When I adopt, I will consider any adoptive children I have real family, on the basis of my having raised them.
Great post. And as an adopted person myself, I 100% agree with this. That was the choice my birth mother made. ( I dont even mention father as u know they are generally in the wind anyway)Whether it was an easy choice or hard choice, she still made that choice. So, she no longer is entitled to the term 'mother' as we know it. That's for my adoptive mother (and father)
She is BIRTH mother, which does not hold the same meaning as someone who has loved and raised you your whole life. That would be my adoptive parents.
I have a daughter, now 9, that was adopted at birth. I think calling a birthmother or birthfather a birth person is insulting towards them. If these people didn't love their child enough to know that they could not provide for that child, you would not have that child. When my daughter's birthmother had just relinquished her rights in court we hugged and were both crying. I was happy to legally have my daughter, but I was also very sad for her and the pain and loss she was feeling, it tore me up inside. I think referring to her or my daughter's birthfather (passed away) as a birth person is offensive. Having 3 biological sons I cannot imagine how painful it would be to place my baby for adoption, to leave the hospital with full breasts and empty arms, and I feel they deserve more.
I dont care if someone uses the term birth person. Not every adoption was as sweet and heartbreaking and all as yours was. Even if it was, I still dont think the term is all that bad. Adoptive parents took on the responsiblity that they did not want. Adoptive parents had no idea what is in store for them either when they adopted.
I dont care if someone uses the term birth person. Not every adoption was as sweet and heartbreaking and all as yours was. Even if it was, I still dont think the term is all that bad. Adoptive parents took on the responsiblity that they did not want. Adoptive parents had no idea what is in store for them either when they adopted.
This isn't true. There are many reasons children are adopted. Yes, some people don't want children, but that's not always the case.
And birth person just sounds rude. Sounds like some government label. Yuck!
I dont care if someone uses the term birth person. Not every adoption was as sweet and heartbreaking and all as yours was. Even if it was, I still dont think the term is all that bad. Adoptive parents took on the responsiblity that they did not want. Adoptive parents had no idea what is in store for them either when they adopted.
Modern adoption very rarely has anything to do with whether the bparents wanted to parent or not because it has never really been about them or their child.
Yet the number of families able to benefit from domestic adoption isn't nearly as large as it could be. Currently in the U.S., only 2 percent of women with unplanned pregnancies consider adoption according to the National Council for Adoption. BraveLove, a new Dallas-based movement, is dedicated to growing that number by encouraging young women to consider adoption when faced with an unplanned pregnancy. Since adoption is rarely considered, many families interested in adopting a child have to do so from another country.
Modern adoption very rarely has anything to do with whether the bparents wanted to parent or not because it has never really been about them or their child.
Disgusting! The actions of some adoption agencies are just repulsive. It's very clear that they have only one goal mind and that is to finalize an adoption, yet they portray themselves as providing a service and support to the birthmother with counseling to help her make the right decision for her. But of course she is never honestly counseled about her other options. Their business is finalizing adoptions and naturally they are not going to do anything that could prevent them from reaching that goal. It seems to have very little to do with the children.
I dont care if someone uses the term birth person. Not every adoption was as sweet and heartbreaking and all as yours was. Even if it was, I still dont think the term is all that bad. Adoptive parents took on the responsiblity that they did not want. Adoptive parents had no idea what is in store for them either when they adopted.
Very true, Some children come from very difficult backgrounds and others don't even know the person who gave birth to them or the man who contributed to the conception. Some birth mothers don't know the identity of the same! Not all, but some.
Adoptive parents take a leap of faith when we adopt. However so do parents who plan for the birth of their child. When the genetic dice are rolled, it's always a leap of faith.
I'd agree with the statement that not every adoption was "sweet and heartbreaking" - some are a straight forward and practical method to expand the size of a family. It's done in a logical way and there is not much sentiment or romanticizing involved. The adoptive parents practice due diligence before the adoption. Domestic or International? Open or closed? Infant or older child? and try to find and adoption situation that best fits their needs and dispositions. You have to walk into the whole thing with your eyes wide open.
Also, some adoptive parents are bullied into thinking that it's politically correct to be inclusive in their adoption and to have an open adoption because some pregnant women want that.
If the prospective parents want it also, that's a good fit. If they don't they should continue to research adoptions where there is no contact. Many pregnant woman want this, and internationally, it's the norm.
So for many the term birth person is a perfect fit. The woman who gave birth to our daughter wants privacy and has another life in another country. She didn't let pregnancy interfere with her university education.
We also want privacy, so for us it's a good fit and she is the perfect birth person.
Great post. And as an adopted person myself, I 100% agree with this. That was the choice my birth mother made. ( I dont even mention father as u know they are generally in the wind anyway)Whether it was an easy choice or hard choice, she still made that choice. So, she no longer is entitled to the term 'mother' as we know it. That's for my adoptive mother (and father)
She is BIRTH mother, which does not hold the same meaning as someone who has loved and raised you your whole life. That would be my adoptive parents.
SummerFall, as an adopteee, it is my feeling that you are free to refer to your own parents using whatever terminology works for you. They are your parents and you should call them whatever you want. Which is what some of us have pointed out here. It would be my personal preference, however, that adoptive parents not influence how an adoptee *should* consider their natural parents. As we've seen here, there are adoptive parents who purposely choose to use language that marginalizes the natural parents of the child they are raising. This most likely does not create an environment in which the adoptee is freely allowed to explore his or her own feelings regarding the role that his or her natural parents plays or doesn't play in their own lives.
So for many the term birth person is a perfect fit. The woman who gave birth to our daughter wants privacy and has another life in another country. She didn't let pregnancy interfere with her university education.
We also want privacy, so for us it's a good fit and she is the perfect birth person.
Unless the adoptive parents have actually spoken with the "birth person" there is absolutely no way they could possibly know what the "birth person" wants or doesn't want.
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