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Old 11-27-2012, 02:19 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,484 posts, read 43,769,854 times
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This is a strange story about what can happen when a child is not told he was adopted. Imagine if thids mother had never "found the right time" to tell this boy he was adopted and he missed the opportunity to know his own brother. Very sad.

'So happy I had a brother': Boys meet as friends, discover they are siblings - TODAYMoms
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Old 11-27-2012, 02:40 PM
 
393 posts, read 504,847 times
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I will never understand in today's world why a parent would not tell - there is so much available on the subject - books on how to tell - websites on how to tell - adoption message boards.

It really is pretty simple - you put it in your conversation from day one - "I'm so glad we adopted you" to your baby or something like that. That way when your baby is old enough to actually understand what you are saying and ask questions - your fears and uncomfortable feelings are gone...and your child is able to ask questions without feeling negative vibes from you.
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Old 11-27-2012, 04:08 PM
 
1,226 posts, read 2,055,730 times
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wow, especially if his siblings were in the same town and would attend the same high school. Why in the world would you not tell him?
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Old 11-27-2012, 04:30 PM
 
Location: Warren, OH
2,748 posts, read 3,338,741 times
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Can't understand why anyone would not tell their child that they were adopted. Amazing that this still goes on.
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Old 11-28-2012, 05:57 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,862,644 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee View Post
Can't understand why anyone would not tell their child that they were adopted. Amazing that this still goes on.
Good to see we can agree on something, Warren
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Old 11-30-2012, 06:03 AM
 
Location: Kansas
19,185 posts, read 15,024,332 times
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My son is 26 years old has DS. I have always talked about his being adopted in his presence. I know he gets it to some degree as Stewart Little and another movie where a boy is adopted is a favorite of his. BUT, I don't think his siblings know about him at all. His birth sister (10 months older), freely uses the word "retarded" to describe, well as a common adjective in her writings on the internet so hopefully she isn't aware. Another sibling was born several years later and lives with the birthmother, the birth sister's custody was taken by the birthfather (issues with birthmother, serious). So, I do wonder if the birth mother will tell the siblings or not. I would surely want to know of any family members that I might have. The birth mother would have the option of contacting us through the agency but has not done that.
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Old 12-02-2012, 03:45 PM
 
Location: New York State, USA
142 posts, read 212,092 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cc0789 View Post
wow, especially if his siblings were in the same town and would attend the same high school. Why in the world would you not tell him?
Because some adoptive parents believe that the adoptive child is solely their child and the life that they lived before being adopted no longer exists. Therefore, the child has no other mother, and no other father, and certainly, no other siblings. The bloodline is not important, only adoption is important. And the adoptive parents are the center of the adoptee’s life.

I've been reading some of these threads and it appears to me that some adoptive parents on here have this belief, especially adoptive parents of foreign-born adoptees who will have no chance at all of ever meeting that other woman, or whatever derogatory word was used.

Hmm, wow, imagine what it would be like if you were in your 40s and never knew you were adopted and then your adoptive parents died and you found adoption papers after they were dead? Wonder how that would feel?
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Old 12-02-2012, 03:49 PM
 
Location: New York State, USA
142 posts, read 212,092 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by warren zee View Post
Can't understand why anyone would not tell their child that they were adopted. Amazing that this still goes on.
It's actually so much more than telling a child he's adopted. Telling a child that it is okay to want to know about the other parents or that there may be other brothers or sisters and that an adoptive parent is supportive. Perhaps even initiating search and reunion. Just a thought.
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Old 12-04-2012, 11:41 AM
 
3,758 posts, read 10,638,121 times
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Hmm, wow, imagine what it would be like if you were in your 40s and never knew you were adopted and then your adoptive parents died and you found adoption papers after they were dead? Wonder how that would feel? [/quote]


Well - since you're talking hypotheticals..

It would feel pretty much like.. "hmm. Weird. Okay." and then you'd go on with your life.

or apparently you'd totally fall apart and never trust anything anyone says to you ever again because your whole life was a total lie...

opinions seem to differ on this topic.
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Old 12-04-2012, 01:23 PM
 
Location: New York State, USA
142 posts, read 212,092 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Briolat21 View Post
Hmm, wow, imagine what it would be like if you were in your 40s and never knew you were adopted and then your adoptive parents died and you found adoption papers after they were dead? Wonder how that would feel?

Well - since you're talking hypotheticals..

It would feel pretty much like.. "hmm. Weird. Okay." and then you'd go on with your life.

or apparently you'd totally fall apart and never trust anything anyone says to you ever again because your whole life was a total lie...

opinions seem to differ on this topic.[/quote]

I know several adults that this happened to, and they were very upset. One of my cousins, they oldest of his siblings, found out at age 47 that his father was not his father. He was devesatated that his parents lied to him. He even told his younger sibs that he's not their older brother.

And a friend of mine found out in his late 40s that he was adopted, nver knew before, and now he is on a search for his birth parents. He's pretty devasted, too.

Why are you so flippant?

This stuff happens more than you'd like to admit. And the story here about two young boys tells that they are happy to be reunited in childhood. That's because they are children, but when this happens in adulthood, to realize your whole life has been a lie, can be very hard to accept.
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