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Old 12-15-2012, 06:25 PM
 
819 posts, read 1,360,036 times
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When my husband and I got married almost a 100 years ago, he had custody of his 5 yr old son. After a couple of years we went to a lawyer and I adopted him - certainly going thru all the official red tape, etc. The adoption by me was based on her abandonment of the child. A year of no contact. We had to do the newspaper advertisement in the nearest big city of her latest address. Husband actually had a copy of the birth certificate and that was all changed when the adoption was finalized. Official old one was sealed, and my info was added. A few years ago I asked son whose BC did he use as an official document. He answered the one with my name on it since I was the one who had raised him.

In your case, the birth father might be willing to let you adopt him legally or you could go to court and see how it turns out. Good luck with whatever you do.
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Old 12-17-2012, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Westminster, CO
904 posts, read 1,161,981 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PeachyMJ View Post
When my husband and I got married almost a 100 years ago, he had custody of his 5 yr old son. After a couple of years we went to a lawyer and I adopted him - certainly going thru all the official red tape, etc. The adoption by me was based on her abandonment of the child. A year of no contact. We had to do the newspaper advertisement in the nearest big city of her latest address. Husband actually had a copy of the birth certificate and that was all changed when the adoption was finalized. Official old one was sealed, and my info was added. A few years ago I asked son whose BC did he use as an official document. He answered the one with my name on it since I was the one who had raised him.

In your case, the birth father might be willing to let you adopt him legally or you could go to court and see how it turns out. Good luck with whatever you do.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words Peachy.
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Old 12-23-2012, 07:53 AM
 
Location: Boonies
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I believe that in most states he needs to consent - no matter how out of the picture he has been. I also know that you need to under go a home study, just as you would if you were adopting a child who you have never met.

I would consult an adoption lawyer in your state.

Best of luck!
Are you sure about the home study? I think that it may depend on what state you are in. He would be the stepfather, he is already married to the mother. The father would definitely need to consent.

Please be 100% sure you are ready to take on this responsibility. My mother remarried when I was younger and my stepfather adopted me. He was a horrible monster and I always resented my mother for allowing that to happen. Later in life, I learned from my birth father, that he was bullied into relinquishing his rights and always regretted it. That was many many years ago now.
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Old 12-23-2012, 04:37 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,591 posts, read 23,151,009 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tarragon View Post
Are you sure about the home study? I think that it may depend on what state you are in. He would be the stepfather, he is already married to the mother. The father would definitely need to consent.

Please be 100% sure you are ready to take on this responsibility. My mother remarried when I was younger and my stepfather adopted me. He was a horrible monster and I always resented my mother for allowing that to happen. Later in life, I learned from my birth father, that he was bullied into relinquishing his rights and always regretted it. That was many many years ago now.
Not a bad question, In my former home state of NY, That was the rule. A regular home study. But that was pretty much why I told the OP that he should consult an Attorney in HIS STATE.

New York state has many idiosyncratic laws. Another thing that I know about step parent adoption, is that the biological parent does not always need to consent. If they are deemed unfit or abuse is involved or there are other mitigating factors.
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Old 12-29-2012, 01:03 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
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My sister's now-ex-husband adopted her daughter when my niece was 14. Even though her father had never acknowledged her or paid any child support and his name was not on the birth certificate (he was 17 and my sister 18 when my niece was born) and he had only seen her once, the lawyer said they had to get his OK to proceed with the adoption. The lawyer sent the papers to his parents' address, which was the last place anyone knew he lived. My sister got the papers back marked up with a sentence stating that his agreement was contingent upon my sister agreeing never to pursue him for any child support he may have owed up until that time. I guess he figured that by signing, he was acknowledging paternity after all those years.

My former BIL then adopted my niece, and she is now 33 and still has his last name (she had our family name before that--never her original father's name at all.) After two or three years, my sister divorced her husband because of his alcoholism, but oddly, even through his booze-soaked brain, he took that adoption seriously and paid my sister child support until my niece was 18. My niece did continue to keep in touch with him occasionally for the next few years--she had his name, and it was his idea to adopt her when he'd married her mother, and she respected him for that.
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Old 12-29-2012, 01:17 PM
 
819 posts, read 1,360,036 times
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I probably should have had to have a home study done, but the lawyer and judge both agreed that I had been the one (along with his father) that had made a home for him for about 3 years before the adoption and that he was still alive (joke) that a home study was not necessary. But, times have changed and that may be the rule nowadays.

Also, for those going thru new adoptions, a home study is only good for one year. My daughter and husband's home study was good thru Sep and their baby was born in Oct. So, they had to get elected officials to push it thru the FBI or what federal agency did the background check.

Good luck to the OP.
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Old 12-29-2012, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Westminster, CO
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To whoever it was who left me the unsigned rep on this, thank you for your very kind words. I greatly appreciate it.
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Old 12-31-2012, 01:11 AM
 
177 posts, read 349,944 times
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I have nothing to offer as far as advice, I can only share my experience.

I had the same experience as Tarragon. My dad was bullied out (things were different regarding paternal rights in the early 80s). I literally burn inside every time I see my amended birth certificate with my stepdad's name on it. How can they just change the record of your birth?? It's just crazy to me.

On the other hand, I just watched a very very dear friend of mine die of leukemia and her children will be leaving the only home they've ever known to go live with their deadbeat "father". Her husband lost his wife and will now lose two of the kids that he raised, while the youngest baby will lose her siblings. Sad, all around.
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Old 01-02-2013, 06:31 PM
 
Location: Westminster, CO
904 posts, read 1,161,981 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeneric13 View Post
I have nothing to offer as far as advice, I can only share my experience.

I had the same experience as Tarragon. My dad was bullied out (things were different regarding paternal rights in the early 80s). I literally burn inside every time I see my amended birth certificate with my stepdad's name on it. How can they just change the record of your birth?? It's just crazy to me.

On the other hand, I just watched a very very dear friend of mine die of leukemia and her children will be leaving the only home they've ever known to go live with their deadbeat "father". Her husband lost his wife and will now lose two of the kids that he raised, while the youngest baby will lose her siblings. Sad, all around.

And that is a huge fear--not my wife dying--but the fact that she is in the Army and will possibly be deployed at some point. We want to make sure a father who has chosen to not be part of her life doesn't end up getting custody.
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