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Old 12-21-2012, 09:05 PM
 
1,097 posts, read 1,726,987 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiffjoy View Post
I'll take it one further- why force any adoptee, child or adult?
You're right - and I can't imagine ANY parent not wanting that information as they raise their child. I was just thinking about adult adoptees petitioning for opening that info, if the AP's "just aren't interested".
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Old 12-21-2012, 09:27 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,117,825 times
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So when possible write down any pertinent information when and if it's available. It won't always be. Sometimes the father is not known.

I'm not adopted and I don't exactly know why my own grandparents died. They were old. They had maladies typical of the elderly.

No one ever made a ven diagram of illnesses for me.
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Old 12-21-2012, 09:42 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,117,825 times
Reputation: 48552
Quote:
Originally Posted by auntieannie68 View Post
the birth mother certainly did give you a gift--she could have chosen abortion ,street abandonment,etc---she chose LIFE--i pray your hostility towards your child's birth mother is not a source of a rift between you two later

Annie, I doin't sentimentalize things. I am mystical but not sentimental. We have no hostility. Between disinterest and obsession there is a whole area of gray.

I know that your faith is pro life. Mine is not. I am pro choice. In the country where my daughter was born, abortion is illegal. She didn't give me a gift. She gave herself a gift, by not being selfish, giving up her baby and returning to college.

Smart cookie! I give her credit for having a head on her shoulders and doing what is practical.

It's pure fantasy to think that a woman who I don't know, who does not know me got pregnant with her boyfriend so that she "gave me a gift". She gave up her baby to an agency that would take the baby out of her country. That was her choice.

But don't make it into a a "gift" to me. It was a gift to herself and to my daughter.

I wish her a good life!
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Old 12-21-2012, 09:49 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,586 posts, read 23,117,825 times
Reputation: 48552
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
I agree. People are people. Adopted or not. I am very consistent when it comes to family on other forums.

For example the Vegetarian forum, which you also moderate. We do not stand for abusive people in our lives, Blood related or not.

However, to listen to some of these adopted posters, ALL ADOPTED people feel this. And if they don't they are repressing it, or they are being held back from this normal interest by oppresive adoptive parents.

I can accept that for some it's important. Can THEY accept that for any it is not?

Can they accept that some adopted people actually live in fear or all of these reunions or of being searched?

I knew 2 girls from High School who became pregnant by accident. They live in fear of being searched.
One did not tell her husband. Not something I agree with but, she chose this. Both moved thousands of miles away from our home town. They went on to have children.

I also know of a cohort group of people adopted around the same time that we did. They are in their mid to late teens now. Their feeling range from ambivalent to disgusted when they think of meeting thr woman who gave birth to them. None obsess about family diseases.

They are happy with their families and do not want to add drama - or relatives - to their lives.

I will admit that there are HAPPY and well adjusted people who have these interests.

Also, there seem to be people who just did not connect with their adoptive parents or who were adopted by very old parents who passed and in those cases, I can really understand this interest.

But I NEVER hear any understanding about the other position from people on this board who disagree.

Re posting this. Especially in light of newer posts.

On this forum, if one is not fascinated or obsessed or indebted to the birth mother, they are deemed "hostile".

If one is not interested in a "search and reunion" they are ingrates.

Can someone address this?
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Old 12-21-2012, 10:18 PM
 
509 posts, read 482,856 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Re posting this. Especially in light of newer posts.

On this forum, if one is not fascinated or obsessed or indebted to the birth mother, they are deemed "hostile".

If one is not interested in a "search and reunion" they are ingrates.

Can someone address this?
I can address facts. But what you are saying isn't fact. That's not at all what anyone has said.

The point of this thread was obtaining medical info. Not contact with first parents or singing their praises or searching for them.

Last edited by tiffjoy; 12-21-2012 at 10:47 PM..
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Old 12-23-2012, 04:38 AM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,855,109 times
Reputation: 1462
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Re posting this. Especially in light of newer posts.

On this forum, if one is not fascinated or obsessed or indebted to the birth mother, they are deemed "hostile"

If one is not interested in a "search and reunion" they are ingrates.

Can someone address this?
Sheena, I can't help it, you are giving me the giggles.
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Old 12-23-2012, 01:30 PM
 
4,532 posts, read 5,089,874 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
Annie, I doin't sentimentalize things. I am mystical but not sentimental. We have no hostility. Between disinterest and obsession there is a whole area of gray.

I know that your faith is pro life. Mine is not. I am pro choice. In the country where my daughter was born, abortion is illegal. She didn't give me a gift. She gave herself a gift, by not being selfish, giving up her baby and returning to college.

Smart cookie! I give her credit for having a head on her shoulders and doing what is practical.

It's pure fantasy to think that a woman who I don't know, who does not know me got pregnant with her boyfriend so that she "gave me a gift". She gave up her baby to an agency that would take the baby out of her country. That was her choice.

But don't make it into a a "gift" to me. It was a gift to herself and to my daughter.

I wish her a good life!
to reiterate---even when abortions were illegal--women who wanted them could get them---her not chosing to pursue that is a gift to you---the gift of the unique child you took into your home---in my world ALL children are gifts from God no matter how they arrived to where they are now---if your dtr wants more info,i hope your christian approach to parenting will support her in doing so
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Old 12-23-2012, 02:26 PM
 
393 posts, read 503,377 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
So when possible write down any pertinent information when and if it's available. It won't always be. Sometimes the father is not known.

I'm not adopted and I don't exactly know why my own grandparents died. They were old. They had maladies typical of the elderly.

No one ever made a ven diagram of illnesses for me.
I was ever so lucky to find that my family had the forethought, and took the time to document down what illnesses elders had throughout their lives, and what they passed on from. It was all waiting for me. It was a precious gift.

Growing up - I learned how important family health history was from dad being a doctor. So many times when patients would call the house, or I would go with him on a home call (back in the good old days), I often heard him ask if such and such ran in the family. It was important that he understood how the genetics worked within the family structure. He considered it important.

I do have to say I am deeply saddened that any parent would be so incredibly dismissive, and mocking, about family health history. The concept of "it happens to other people" only works - until it doesn't.
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Old 12-23-2012, 03:32 PM
 
1,879 posts, read 1,855,109 times
Reputation: 1462
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12 View Post
So when possible write down any pertinent information when and if it's available. It won't always be. Sometimes the father is not known.

I'm not adopted and I don't exactly know why my own grandparents died. They were old. They had maladies typical of the elderly.

No one ever made a ven diagram of illnesses for me.
You can afford to be dismissive about the reasons for your grandparents' deaths because they died when old**. So what about if your grandparents had died at young ages? Wouldn't you have wanted to know why? At least you could have asked other relatives. Also, even though you say you don't know EXACTLY why they died, presumably you have some idea. Until I made contact with bfamily, I would have had absolutely NO idea why ANY of my deceased brelatives died.

What about if your daughter's bmother has a heart attack or brain aneurysm or her siblings or children have heart attack or brain aneurysms? Wouldn't you want to know so your child could get herself tested to make sure her heart is in good shape or that she doesn't have a budding aneurysm? They might not be tests that your insurance would pay for without there being some reason for having the tests done (like family history). From the fact that your child's bmom has made contact with the agency fairly recently, one would hope that if she or her family does have major health problems, then she will contact the agency who would contact you. I am sure you would appreciate the heads up.

**On my adoptive father's side, yes, all but one of his siblings died over the age of 70, but they (including dad) all died of dementia-related diseases (and the one living sibling has dementia). What if all your grandparents died of dementia-related diseases? You may well say, "well I at least know they didn't die of that", in which case you already know far more than many adoptees know about their own biological grandparents.
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Old 12-23-2012, 08:49 PM
 
4 posts, read 3,814 times
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I thought about my birthparents all my life. I know them now, but if I had died before I met them I would want them to know. I would have wanted to know if they died too.
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