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I do think it is necessary - agencies have been closing steadily for the last decade. Those agencies are also are ones who sold parents on the idea of the agency faciliating a semi-open non-identifying information exchanges. They go out of business the semi-open closes. Both sides lose. As it stands right now what is supposed to happen is that the files go to the state's adoption unit and of course are simply archived there. If the state is a closed records state like most are then there are no options.
A Central Reporting Agency for domestic adoptions would require the agency to file the adoption paperwork within a specified number of days after the adoption was completed. It would be the easiest solution but would require the state's adoption unit to get organized for it, and I think it would have to be done by each state. It would also allow for more tracking of domestic adoption like the federal reporting. It would serve the community well.
As to the international that you mentioned, I doubt it would be an issue with an accidental death but deliberate it would. Ethiopia recently reacted to the news about the children adopted from there who have been abused and/or starved to death. China has made waves as well in recent years, and I am sure there are other countries. The info is supposed to be transmitted through STATE as far as I know. Google: Hana Williams adopted from Ethiopia, or Trebilcocks from Wa who adopted from Haiti, or Mona Hauer from Mn - not sure the child is from originally. There has been a spike recently and it is disturbing on so many levels.
I do think that it is time to stop the secrecy in adoption unless safety is the issue. Being respectful and honorable goes a long way to make this old world a better place. Notifiying the original family should be on the time.
I'm trying to have an open mind here and find some common ground.
If it is open adoption, I can see the point. Again, in international adoption, I have real mixed emotions. As I've mentioned before, I am under no obligation to the original birthparents, especially under the circumstances. I suppose had the circumstances had been different, I would be more comfortable imparting information. I am not and am firmly convinced that the door should remain shut. As you said, safety should be the paramount issue and I'm sticking to this in our particular case. I think that I mentioned we submittted homestudies that went back to Russia for three years. A social worker came to our house, interviewed us, interviewed our kids. We dilegently submitted all of our studies and did our part and in compliance with the written contract. Some parents did not comply and they held up some adoptions for prospective parents. I did not agree and always tried to do the right thing. Had we been required to submit homestudies for 10 more years, I would have complied. Russia has all our information and I feel that no secrecy is involved. From this point on, I'm under no further obligation other than to give them a loving home.
Sad about the abuse cases, especially internationally since it impedes finding kids homes. For every abuse case, there are thousands of others where kids are thriving in a stable home. I think that I've done the honorable and respectable thing.
All natural parents should be notified when an adoptee dies
Quote:
Originally Posted by sheena12
There is no need for any "central reporting group". My adoption is closed. That is why I adopted from another continent. I will admit what some others will not - except to other parents who have adopted. I am not a member of any "triad" nor is my daughter.
Google the closing of the adoption agency in TX. Unlike you, many adoptive parents have semi open adoptions, as they agreed to when adopting. When this agency closed, hundreds of first parents were left without any way to contact their children. This was NOT what they were told when adopting.
Just because a small (and the fact is, most adoptions start out as open today) number of people want closed adoptions does not mean the industry should cater to them. Instead, it should be serving the needs of the children.
Your children could benefit from this proposed idea regardless of wanting contact with their birth mother. Their birth mother was in college, correct? What if, at age 30, she contracts breast cancer. Wouldn't your daughter appreciate that information being passed to her through an agency? No need to talk to her birth mom or her birth mom to talk to her. But a possibly life saving bit of medical info that could not possibly have been known at the time if adoption. Perhaps even her mother has it as well, again after the adoption. Knowing family medical history that could not have been known at adoption is a huge missing piece for many adoptees.
Many adoptees have no interest in a relationship with their birth parents. But medical information is something most would greatly appreciate. This info could also be mainted by such a group.
Besides, this wouldn't be about what adoptive parents or first patents want. It's about adoptees and what they may want. 30 years from now, your children may want contact or just more info. That decision is every adoptees own, and is separate from what their adopted parents want.
I just looked up the definition used in the law in Washington state - I know that is not the state you reside in - but just for the sake of argument - would you say that the law is wrong because YOU or your DAUGHTER spoke?
I don't live in Washington State. I wouldn't care if I did. We have a closed adoption. There is no difference between what my daughter thinks and what I do with reference to this particular topic.
She was afraid of being "found" or "searched" by people from Korea with who she has no connection. But we explained that it was impossible.
Funny, I totally believe that all of you are very interested in your roots, your birth parents, and origins.
But I haven't heard one of you admit that some people who were adopted do not share this interest.
And there goes that obsession against the use of a personal pronoun by a parent who has adopted! We have raised our children to believe that adults also have feelings, needs and joys. We give them holiday gifts, and they give us gifts back.
There is no one way street here.
In the case of the child we are adopting from Eastern Europe, who came from a similar background, NO. She lost the right when she lost the children.
In the case of the unthinkable in regard to my daughter, the answer is NO again. She was a teenged college student and wanted privacy and to continue her studies.
Honestly, the thought is so horrific to me. The thought of doing anything so crazy in a time of such profound sadness.
I would no more look her up then I would conduct a genealogical search of all possible relatives of my biological son's or contact one of my husband's siblings who played zero role in my son's life.
We just do not view "family" as something connected to biology. It may be. And it may not be. This view extends to adoption, but it not limited to it. Blood does not rule our lives. LOVE does. We do not love people who have hurt us, or who we have never met, just because of DNA.
Wouldn't you at least contact the agency in regards to your daughter's "birth person"? After all, she contacted the agency to let them know how she was going.
In general, I would do the following:
In the case of domestic closed adoption where the choice of closed is the bparents or where the adoption was closed due to danger etc, I (or rather a relative) would contact the agency to inform them.
In the case of domestic closed adoption where the APs closed the adoption because "they didn't want interference" (note I am not saying this is the reason why all APs close adoptions but am specifically talking about those cases in which they do), then I think the APs (or relatives) should contact the bparents directly (or if they don't know where they are now, then their agency). Depending on the situation, they should be invited to the funeral.
In the case of semi-open adoption, definitely and absolutely the bparents should be told and invited to the funeral.
In the case of true open adoption, I am sure that they would be told and invited to the funeral.
In regards to international, I would contact the agency. If one adopted from a "nice" orphanage, I would contact the orphanage. No-one is saying the grieving immediate family needs to do that but someone could.
Btw I read a blog once where the APs "opened" the adoption because their child need a transplant - the bmom donated an organ and then kept in touch but the then the APs decided to close the adoption, I think because the child and bmom were getting too close. The child died in an accident and the bmom wasn't invited to the funeral. She still turned up and got banned.
I'm trying to have an open mind here and find some common ground.
If it is open adoption, I can see the point. Again, in international adoption, I have real mixed emotions. As I've mentioned before, I am under no obligation to the original birthparents, especially under the circumstances. I suppose had the circumstances had been different, I would be more comfortable imparting information. I am not and am firmly convinced that the door should remain shut. As you said, safety should be the paramount issue and I'm sticking to this in our particular case. I think that I mentioned we submittted homestudies that went back to Russia for three years. A social worker came to our house, interviewed us, interviewed our kids. We dilegently submitted all of our studies and did our part and in compliance with the written contract. Some parents did not comply and they held up some adoptions for prospective parents. I did not agree and always tried to do the right thing. Had we been required to submit homestudies for 10 more years, I would have complied. Russia has all our information and I feel that no secrecy is involved. From this point on, I'm under no further obligation other than to give them a loving home.
Sad about the abuse cases, especially internationally since it impedes finding kids homes. For every abuse case, there are thousands of others where kids are thriving in a stable home. I think that I've done the honorable and respectable thing.
Linmora - I have no doubt about how you acted. None at all.
I mean secrecy in regards to sealed records, having so many mysterious fires and floods in the record rooms of agencies or records were thrown in the trash when the agency closed, etc. - it was not meant to imply you were party to it, and I apologise if you took it that way.
Funny, I totally believe that all of you are very interested in your roots, your birth parents, and origins.
But I haven't heard one of you admit that some people who were adopted do not share this interest.
Of course not every adopted person shares this interest -- we're all unique, just like non-adopted people.
But people often change as they mature, and your daughter may one day decide she DOES want to explore her roots. Are you willing to admit that?
We adopted internationally and we never had any contact with the woman that "gave birth" to my daughter. We adopted internationally so that we WOULD NEVER have any contact with her and she never wanted any contact with us. Why would we want to contact her since she knows nothing about MY daughter. She has her own life and we have our own lives too. If I were the parent of an adopted child that died, I would just tell you to "mind your own business".
At the risk of violating my own guidelines about not hijacking threads .....
Why did you put "gave birth" in quotation marks? That generally indicates that something supposedly happened, but didn't in reality.
No matter how much you denigrate and dismiss her, she most certainly DID give birth to the girl you now call your daughter. She'd not be part of your family were it not for her birth mother.
Show a little respect for the person who gave you such a precious gift.
The medical issue is so frequently exploited by those who are anti adoption or push for "only open".
And we disagree once more. Children are not the only people who count in life. Adults to as well. My daughter was adopted. She is not an adoptee. There is a difference.
Don't worry, Sheena. We are well aware that children are not the only people who count in life, especially when it comes to adoption. Believe me, you and hubs have made it quite clear many a time whom the most important people in adoption are.
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All natural parents should be notified when an adoptee dies
