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Old 12-23-2012, 08:56 AM
 
9,200 posts, read 9,278,507 times
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Truly though, it does bother me, that with so many problems, so many hurting children in our own country, that rather than do the work to fix our own system, we're looking elsewhere.


Those children were raised in deplorable conditions, never staying in one place for more than 6 months at a time. They were raised in a home where substance abuse and blatant neglect was a daily reality. Nearly every one of those children are seriously screwed up. They should never have been allowed to stay with their mother, who was at best....an unfit parent.

Yes, we live in a country where a parent's "human rights" are brought into the picture...center stage. Some people DO change. Biological parents can and do make mistakes and some of them learn from those mistakes. Some, however, never do. It's sad, that so many of these child pay dearly for their parents' "rights".
These are all very solid points. Explaining why our system works the way it does is complicated. There is no one factor. Although, perhaps the one that bothers me most is the supreme constitutional protection that the courts have chosen to give to parental rights. The courts have interpreted the due process clause of the constitution to mandate that all sorts of things have to be done before most parents can be deprived of parental rights. It becomes expensive for a state to "jump through all the hoops" they need to terminate parental rights. Among other things, the state must pay for legal counsel for indigent parents when they seek termination of parental rights. More important than expense though, its simply time-consuming. If a child is older than 10 or 12, some departments will tell you off the record they don't pursue contested cases where they are seeking revocation of parental rights. By the time all the appeals are completed, a kid could be 16 years old.

There are other factors though that prevent termination of rights when it should occur. I'll list a few of these that are real factors:

1. Social workers who staff agencies like DCFS, on the whole, tend to be a weak group of people I've found. They have a mentality of wanting to help people and have great difficulty accepting the notion that some people just can't be helped and its time to move on.

2. Families of bad biological parents are notorious for demanding resources from the system to help their dysfunctional family members, yet often do little themselves. I've run into it on a number of occasions. They will demand these services from the tax-paying public because "its their right" and plead poverty, or the need to work as reasons why they can't help their own family members.

3. The public as a whole doesn't really know what to do in these situations. One has to admit, they can be very tough situations. The same people who will get angry when a child dies of abuse because he/she was not removed from an abusive home will get upset when DCFS removes a child from a home where the parents weren't getting the child adequate medical attention for a life threatening illness. Its harder to remove children from bad homes in my state because the legislature has imposed rigid criteria on DCFS for doing so.

4. Than, there are adoptive parents. If you contact the state, you'll generally be told that there are few children available for adoption. On the other hand, the state is very interested in recruiting foster parents. My wife and I had no interest in being foster parents. Yet, that's really the only realistic option. Some states have foster-to-adopt programs. However, these are very "iffy" and they put honest foster parents in predicaments. There is a sort of conflict-of-interest that exists between being a foster parent and hoping you can adopt a child. I was told by a spokesman for the state that the only kids available for adoption he knew of were "fifteen and sixteen year old gangbangers".

The system in this country is a mess. Bottom line though is that its probably not going to be fixed within the lifetime of anyone posting here. Adoptive parents are often not young. They've tried to have biological children and failed. By the time many accept that they may be in their mid-30's. We do what we do to create families. No matter what you do, someone is likely to be preaching "ethics" at you. Over time, you either learn to pretty much ignore it or you give up on adoption completely. I know people in both groups.
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Old 12-23-2012, 09:07 AM
 
2,779 posts, read 4,669,918 times
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Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Thanks NJ. I confess to being quite uneducated about these things. It did spark my curiosity though, reading about so many "foreign" adoptions. We have quite a few families in our area who did opt for foreign adoptions and several of them do state that the U.S.'s unreasonable, red tape is the biggest reason for adopting foreign children. One of my dear friends has 2 children from Russia and 2 from Guatemala. Three of those children are now adults, one still in high school. They have had an amazing life, with the most supportive parents anyone could ever hope for. I am so thankful for the people who open their hearts and homes to all children, regardless of where they were born. AP's truly are guardian angels.
So I've really stopped commenting on this board but I wanted to say something about this. I'm no one's guardian angel. I'm lucky enough to be a Mom to two amazing children that we adopted as infants internationally. I hope that my husband and I are giving them a wonderful life, but really it is us that have received so much.

Now, back to my reality...I must find just the right Lego Star Wars pjs today or my 6yr old is going to be seriously disappointed in Santa.

Carry on
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Old 12-23-2012, 02:34 PM
 
15,043 posts, read 13,637,675 times
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Re: Russia threatens to stop adoptions to USA

I am quite happy to report to all who are interested in a subject that the petition initiated apparently by Russians in the US and widely supported by Russians living in Russian Federation has collected over 46,000 signatures in two days, which exceeds the goal of 25,000 by January 20th.
The petition is calling Obama to add all 400 deputies in Russian Duma who voted against American adoptions on Magnitsky list.

Petitioners ask Obama to retaliate for Russia adoption ban - Channel NewsAsia
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Old 12-23-2012, 03:45 PM
 
16,600 posts, read 14,081,890 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hml1976 View Post
So I've really stopped commenting on this board but I wanted to say something about this. I'm no one's guardian angel. I'm lucky enough to be a Mom to two amazing children that we adopted as infants internationally. I hope that my husband and I are giving them a wonderful life, but really it is us that have received so much.

Now, back to my reality...I must find just the right Lego Star Wars pjs today or my 6yr old is going to be seriously disappointed in Santa.

Carry on
Thanks for posting this, it is nice to hear from an AP challenging the stereotype that APs are something more than normal parents. It just feeds the notion that adoptees are supposed to be grateful.

Question though, did you adopt from Russia?

Last edited by Green Irish Eyes; 12-23-2012 at 04:46 PM..
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Old 12-23-2012, 04:40 PM
 
393 posts, read 505,018 times
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Foreign adoption should be left in the past: children

Not sure if this has been posted already.
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Old 12-23-2012, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 10,046,602 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714 View Post
Thanks for posting this, it is nice to hear from an AP challenging the stereotype that APs are something more than normal parents. It just feeds the notion that adoptees are supposed to be grateful.

Question though, did you adopt from Russia?
Just normal parents....but someone's guardian angel. Actually, I DO think that adoptees should be grateful, especially if they've been rescued by truly caring providers/parents. Then again, it is my believe that we ALL should be grateful, as we have much to be grateful for!
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Old 12-23-2012, 05:03 PM
 
Location: southern california
55,668 posts, read 74,637,859 times
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it is humiliating to russia that they cant take care of their own kids.
rather than kid rustling we should be taking care of our own shelter kids.
we got plenty of strays no need to apply to russia for extras.
.
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Old 12-23-2012, 05:18 PM
 
Location: New York City
668 posts, read 823,716 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by erasure View Post
Re: Russia threatens to stop adoptions to USA

I am quite happy to report to all who are interested in a subject that the petition initiated apparently by Russians in the US and widely supported by Russians living in Russian Federation has collected over 46,000 signatures in two days, which exceeds the goal of 25,000 by January 20th.
The petition is calling Obama to add all 400 deputies in Russian Duma who voted against American adoptions on Magnitsky list.

Petitioners ask Obama to retaliate for Russia adoption ban - Channel NewsAsia
The full name of this petition is

"Identify Russian law-makers jeopardizing lives of Russian orphans responsible under "Magnitsky Act"."

unfortunately it is difficult to believe that Putin admirer Obama will really endanger his 'reset' with his regime. Probably only after this Petition will have more as a million signs Kremlin let children ( mostly very ill, no one Russian want to adopt them ) be free. Better children will be dead as Putin let them leave. Interesting is too that most of Russian MPs are indeed $$ millionaires, possess big accounts in the western banks, their families are already here, they have real estates, businesses etc. etc. etc. by us. Putting them on the Magnitsky List can indeed cause huge problems for them, probably only after Petition to Obama they can reverse their cannibal bill away.
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Old 12-23-2012, 05:26 PM
 
Location: New York City
668 posts, read 823,716 times
Reputation: 363
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
it is humiliating to russia that they cant take care of their own kids..

Not Russia itself, but Putin Regime which have no smallest interest to help children and their parents.Russia is one of the biggest producers of child pornography in the world, no one cop has any interest to investigate it, because.... you know yourselves the answer why.
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Old 12-23-2012, 05:33 PM
 
11,151 posts, read 14,149,925 times
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Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Actually, I DO think that adoptees should be grateful, especially if they've been rescued by truly caring providers/parents.
Sorry to hijack the thread, but it's important to point out that not all adoptees were "rescued by truly caring providers/parents" .....


OK -- back to Russian adoptions!



.
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